Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Long story short. After 6 months of husband (of 32 years) being away off and on, (chose to leave as depressed with our life together) one interval when I joined him to try to set up a new life (lasted 10 days due to job falling through), last month with him on his own and was to return for us to move elsewhere and start over. Situation at present location is bad for both of us....we need to leave.....I thought together......now he is going on his own.
Some days he says he wants to recapture the joy we had. Others he needs to be on his own to straighten himself out and we should separate or divorce. I know of his past on line indiscretions.....he has stopped it for the last month and a half, got rid of old cell phone, says doesn't want to do that anymore.
Here's the crunch....job he is fighting with himself about whether to go or not ....very lucrative.....was hired by a woman he met and flirted with. I advised him to write her and say we were still together and trying to work on things so there would be no" what I know she had planned." He wrote it, I read it.....not sent. Now says he has to tell her personally and he's a big boy and can say "no" to her if he wants to.
I of course am going insane. Maybe there already.
He said he would contact me "on our anniversary" or come get me then, or maybe he won't come at all.
I see this for what it is and know I have no control over what he does.
What does one do to survive this on a moment to moment basis?
I can't get it into my head that I need to give up. Well, yes I can....but why can I not let go and have some self respect?
He is leaving in 2 days and all I can focus on is my total destruction when he does.
I can't even truly hope for any hope, as when he is gone I fear he will forget all about me and us and embrace his new life.
Thoughts on this please. How do I go on breathing?
(Sorry if this should be in the "Ask for advise" section.....I thought to change it to there but don't know how.
Some days he says he wants to recapture the joy we had. Others he needs to be on his own to straighten himself out and we should separate or divorce. I know of his past on line indiscretions.....he has stopped it for the last month and a half, got rid of old cell phone, says doesn't want to do that anymore.
Here's the crunch....job he is fighting with himself about whether to go or not ....very lucrative.....was hired by a woman he met and flirted with. I advised him to write her and say we were still together and trying to work on things so there would be no" what I know she had planned." He wrote it, I read it.....not sent. Now says he has to tell her personally and he's a big boy and can say "no" to her if he wants to.
I of course am going insane. Maybe there already.
He said he would contact me "on our anniversary" or come get me then, or maybe he won't come at all.
I see this for what it is and know I have no control over what he does.
What does one do to survive this on a moment to moment basis?
I can't get it into my head that I need to give up. Well, yes I can....but why can I not let go and have some self respect?
He is leaving in 2 days and all I can focus on is my total destruction when he does.
I can't even truly hope for any hope, as when he is gone I fear he will forget all about me and us and embrace his new life.
Thoughts on this please. How do I go on breathing?
(Sorry if this should be in the "Ask for advise" section.....I thought to change it to there but don't know how.
That's what I'm worth to him. And he thinks I would just sign it and he'd be free.
If it comes to divorce....I'll find a way to get a lawyer somehow and demand as much as I can get. He is driving me to this place, and I don't want to go there.
Move on.
Knowing my sons, they will find him if he doesn't make good on his words. It won't end in a happy way for anyone.
Men rarely leave unless they are going towards something. I hate to be blunt, but I'm afraid that's what's going on here.
Sending lots of support your way - this really sucks and I'd love to punch him for you. Have you read the 180? Start that IMMEDIATELY: http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Infidelity/forum/2654661-180
No begging, no pleading, no crying, no bargaining, no trying to convince him otherwise. You are a strong woman and you've got to tap into that now.
It sounds like your H is 110% about him. His focus is on his happiness only with little to no consideration for anyone or anything else. Problem is he has absolutely no idea what will make him happy. He changes his mind daily.
So from the viewpoint of a cheater - He is already in an affair and he has no intention of stopping it. However, before any curb kicking is done this should be confronted head on. He MUST chose to come clean and end all contact/flirting activity AND seek counseling. If he refuses/can't commit to that... the curb is calling!
Could you please tell me from a male perspective, having been there, should I still try nto talk to him or give up. I can't "kick him to the curb"......I just can't. I wish I didn't have hope sometimes. It's what keeps me where I am. But I get such mixed signals sometimes.
Your H does need to get his head straight and does need to examine what drives him. What his influences and addictions are.
I don't know your H, but you do. Is he the type that chases what he can't have? Or is he the type (like me) that acts/responds to what he "perceives" as the truth. Ultimately you do need to consider what is best for your children first, you second and then let the H come along or not. You can't force him to love you or stay no matter what you do. Be strong, take care of you, but don't withhold how you feel. After all, isn't withholding the same as omission? And omission is just another form of lying. Not a good way to clear the air and figure things out if you ask me.
"Now please NO MORE TALKING"!!
So apart from breaking down and curling up on the floor sobbing, Itried to impart some positive about what he had here. I'm quite sure at some point very soon, I'll break down and end up chasing him away for good. He doesn't like that type of emotional expression, but I agree impono, my life as he leaves will not be one worth living.....and although it's self pitying, it's my truth. I am not able to smile and wave good bye knowing I may never see him again.
I can't express how having you all there keeps me taking my next breath. I can barely manage anymore without having someone there to talk to. Thank you all.
At this point I feel to survive I have to have some hope he will return to me. Our anniversary is next month and at one point 2 weeks ago he said he would like to come back at that time if things with him were more straightened out and discuss me joining him. I'm pretty sure that thought is now not in his head. If he calls me on that day and ends it on the phone.......I'll be needing you all to help me hang on to myself.
How do I not let him get too comfortable without me? I fear "out of sight out of mind".