I hope you have a good trip with the kids. I think you should deactivate FB for a few months. Let me tell you thst you aren't spineless at all. Doing anything to him would just be trouble and as you said, you have the kids to think about.

He's probably going it to try and goad you, but you're a sensible man and father, that won't jeopardise his children's security. Your wife has already destabilised their home life, so you need to be the safe parent.

The man is a worthless low life and your wife has to live with the fact that she caused this deranged human into your lives.

Enjoy your break and deactivate FB before you go.

Don't let this om break you. He wants attention and you're being very strong not to retaliate.
Sometimes it's better not to know everything!
Your wife is hurting too, she is paying the price for her actions I don't think she'd risk more by not leaving when you get back. Surely if she wanted, she could've gone back into the house and refused to leave already. If she wants to reconcile she wouldn't risk it by being so stupid.
Time is a healer, hopefully you will find some clarity while you are away.

I was just wondering if you've researched any legal rights you might have to keep this psycho nut job from being near your children? As much as I'd like to think your wife might want to completely sever ties with this clown, he's acting very much like an obsessed stalker that she hasn't attempt to avoid until recently. I hated the idea of the OM with my kids, and that was based merely on morality. This loon seems intent to "claim" your wife, and doesn't mind smearing her in the process, showing the world what she's been up to in order to get what he wants. I hate the idea of him near your kids, as I'm sure you do.

Hello all, How have you been?

I can honestly say at the moment im ok,
Taking a weeks camping vacation with the kids did me the world of good, most days I didn't think about what was going on in the real world just pushed it away and enjoyed the beach, sea and the company of my little monkeys,
We arrived home 2 days ago, which I was dreading on the drive home because my cs was leaving a letter for me to read ( a somewhat time line of the affair). I have read the letter and it had a few new additions that she had not told me but to be honest I wasn't anywhere near as angry as I thought I was going to be.

I have told her today that I am going to file for a divorce and she started crying. I asked her what she thought was going to happen and got the usual I don't know!. which always makes me angry but this time it didn't I felt for her as we have been together a long time.

I am sure im making the right decision for me and my kids because I cant see myself being truly happy with her again and feel that I always loved her more than she loved me.

I told her its time to move forward and be happy being me and that hopefully in the future we can find people that make us truly happy.
She is more upset than I am about the divorce but as a friend has told me that's because she never truly believed I would go through with it, she thought I would move on with her rather than without.

Glad you had a great time with the kids. You needed the break.
Your CS just needs to accept the divorce now. She made her bed , now she has to lie on it.

Not everyone has the inclination to reconcile and it's an instant dealbreaker for some. Especially when you're dealing with a crazy OM like this, because the bottom line is that your brought this lunatic into your lives.

You just need to take it step by step and over time the pain will lessen.

I think your wife's reaction is like that of many CSs: they think they can have their cake and eat it too.

They think the affair is "no big deal" and that they'll just get away with it by saying "sorry."

It sounds like you are making the right choice for you based on your own feelings and thoughts, and that's very important.

Hi

Just checking in on you.
I'm hoping you are doing okay.

Hi Moniren

Thanks for checking in,(HUGS) hope your ok.

I would like to say im in a good place and all is well but unfortunately I am having a bad week don't really know why nothing new has come about, no new info.

Im just feeling down and depressed, being back at work has helped but only while im there, the journey home in the car takes about 45 min and I cant stop myself thinking about it all so by the time I get home im angry, confused and very snappy.

I feel very lonely lately I have people to talk to but its the physical side of it, a hug, a kiss and more( Is this normal, I hope that doesn't make me sound like a sex pest or a perv).

The court case against the om starts on Wednesday. God knows how that's going to play out, I was going to go but I cant trust myself to see him face to face without ending up in court myself for assault or worse. I don't think the outcome will make me feel any better no matter what happens to him. At least the police will stop coming round for statements and then hopefully I wont have to keep lying to the kids and the neighbours why im getting regular visits from them.( I think the neighbours at one point thought id started selling crack the police were here that often lol ).

Taking one day at a time.

Hi AP

Sorry you're having a bad week. Sometimes just remembering everything that's happened is enough to bring you down. You go over it again and again and it never makes sense. You're feelings are very normal.

I agree it's best you stay away from the court as it will leave you more angry with the devastation your wife has caused.

Just keep in mind this is ALL on her. Your conscience is clear and she's the one who threw it all away. She's the one who put the children in a bad place by them not having mum and dad there everyday.
She was unstoppable and ignored your marriage vows. You can't fix that and she needs to dig deep and ask herself why your marriage wasn't important enough to stay faithful.

In the grand scheme of things it's not been long and you have the added issue of the OM being a lunatic.

I hope the kids are well and getting ready to go back to school.
Oh and I do understand the wanting a hug. It's a comfort and a warming feeling after the trauma you've been through.

Big virtual hug to you from me.

Look after yourself.

You need to have an open, honest "conversation" about the affair. I'm right there with you about the rage & frustration. From what i've read, until all the facts, feelings & what both of you want & need are out in the open. It'll keep eating away at you.

First and foremost.. It is not your fault...
I have been with my husband for 20 years and we are a very young couple. My husband has cheated on me for years. However, this past year it has come full circle all of his actions. The betrayal, lies, deceit and manipulation is enough to kill a faithful spouse. I do not have any answers except God... He has been my reasoning and comforter.
The act of Infidelity and the emotional turmoil can have devastating effects but you must remain strong and assertive. The discussions must happen to resolve the issue.. And it could go either way.. The affair can bring you together and make you two even stronger or tear you two apart... It all depends on what you two want from this point moving forward. It is not an easy road but nevertheless reconciliation is possible if you both work at it. And it is definitely a job.. Some days you will hate her and other love her to death... If she has compassion and remorse.. she will have some awful feelings she will have to deal with within herself as well as dealing with your feelings of disappointment and hurt.
I hope you find your way through this process and the kids are not affected by it. It is very difficult to remain a normal individual while dealing with this type of hurt and pain... or anger and resentment or all of them. It will be confusing for a while... Just take time to sit and sort your feelings. Understand what each feeling means and why... Writ it down and put explanations. It could provide perspective of the situation and what you need to do.
Hopefully this helps some.
As for my husband and I, we are working on a road to recovery. I am very blessed moving forward he is willing and I still have enough love and compassion to work at mending our relationship as well as him. He is the love of my life... Unfortunately, I am one of many who have been betrayed but I have a very forgiving heart... Something God wants me to do for me and him.

Hello again its been a while,

Betrayed, I have tried this honest conversation with her numerous times but how can I trust a single word that leaves her mouth? I even suggested a lie detector test and that would prove that she has nothing left hidden and that she was telling the truth, she said she doesn't need to take one! so in my head means she already knows she would fail it!.

Brokenandafraid, im happy for you that you feel god is on your side and wants you two to work it out, Myself im not religious.
I have given her hints,tips and suggestions on how she can regain my trust but she falls short of doing anything about it, she still gets angry and stressed at me and we argue and then she leaves either by me telling her to or she storms out.

She is adamant that if this happened the other way around that she would of had me back by now, I doubt this very much as she has no idea of the feeling of betrayal, granted she does feel sad and low that the family has broken apart but I was always honest with her about every aspect of my life and never gave her reason to feel what she has made me feel,

Its hard because we see each other most days or converse about the children but I think im doing ok!
some good days and some bad but we soldier on and smile when we can.

Hi angry P

You need to reduce contsct with Her and get a visitstion or custody arrangement sorted out.

So she'd forgive a crazy girlfriend you were with for two years who sent you such pictures and more?

Well good luck to her. Tell her that's not something you can overcome and the marriage would only be a miserable one.
Her actions show a lack of remorse. She doesn't understand what she did and is trying to minimise.

It's hard to believe thete is any more , but honestly you have enough here. Did you file for divorce? Is it still going through?

I hope the kids are okay.