Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I'm struggling mightily and I am at a loss. I'm posting this as a reach out to some folks that may have similar things going on as a support system. To be honest this post could fall under a number of different groups.
I'm just going to put out a number of things and am hoping that some folks would reach out with additional questions to keep up a back and forth conversation to try and develop some clarity.
Here are some facts, not all of them right now, I'm not sure anyone would want to read the whole thing.
1.) Male -- Age 49 -- Married 20+ years (possibly not for long) 3 grown children. 6 grandchildren
2.) I grew up in a family that did not show a lot of affection which has transitioned into my adult life.
3.) I am bi-polar, but taking medication that does really seem to help.
4.) Out of the Big 5 personality traits, I am highly neurotic (I've just come to realize this in the past week or so after reading about it. I thought neurotic behavior was just something that happened under stressful situations, not something that rules daily life) & introverted (but not because I don't like hanging around people, I just have esteem issues I think.)
5.) My predictive index shows me to also lack patience and be highly competitive.
6.) I'm not physically abusive or violent, but do go through swings of mental abuse. The mental abuse is not something that I do vindictively or consciously, but the end result is the same. I've stole a good part of her personality and soul.
7.) I'm a little bit more than controlling, not in an evil way, but its kind of like "It's needs to be my way or I will either try and change it to my way or sabatoge the invent somehow by mooping around and having a negative attitude.
8.) I believe I am in the throws of an "Existential Crisis" for probably 4 years or so. Triggered by changes in management at my last job, whereas the new manager started to devalue a lot of the accomplishments of many of us that had been at the company for many years. In my case 17 of the 30 years. Secondly, our last child graduated from high school and became an "adult."
9.) I drank everyday, for the past 4 years as a coping mechinism, not what I would call an alcoholic, but kind of just something to do and somewhere to hang out with people and my wife. (The local bars)
10.) I'm aware that I am not a bad person, but one that has been a jealous, controlling person that has difficulty living in the now. I evaluate things for potential "problems" instead of looking at things for the joy they are. My impatience causes my mind to think ahead to the next thing, giving little time to enjoy things for what they are.
11.) I am desperate to change, I hate myself and not just because of the pain I've inflicted on my wife.
12.) My wife has sought out emotional affairs a few times during our marriage and we're in the midst of one right now. I find myself fighting for my wife once again.
Thoughts, questions, concerns?
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My best friend ruined my day with her immature, bitchy self. If she doesn't get her way, she has a tizzy fit. I told her weeks ago that I couildn't go to yard sales with her on 9/12 because i have a hair appointment. She wasn't happy. I also told her that I don't have any money to go to yard sales. She tried to talk me into going to more yard sales by saying that if I don't go, there...
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The Friday before Labor Day just before we left, the options given to me basically were either quit of be fired, and if I were to stay on I were to be put on an improvement plan, which is pretty much synonymous with getting fired. I was going to do the improvement plan and just ride it out until I found another job due to money and due to the fact that I did not want to quit without another job....
Another fact to share is that my wife and I moved from a small town up in WI where we worked for 17 years to Indianapolis. This happened a little less than a year ago and the transition has not gone as well as I/we had hoped.
2. You chose to make an effort to be affectionate every day.. or not (you see where this leads)
3. Date your wife ( if you don’t know how I am sure you can get ideas from Pinterest)
4. Make the effort!!!!!!!
5. If you want to be married you need to make a change. Do something for 28 days and it becomes a habit