I did talk to the OW, cause my CS told us both lies, and I wanted some truth and the OW was willing to talk to me. but we were not friends. We didn't get into a big fight, just talked. CS doesn't know I talked to her, and never will. Because that is my secret and her's.
That would be hard, it all depends on things. why the affair happen, etc etc. Really what would you want to come out of talking to her? I got some truth from talking to the OW, or at least some different verse of how my CS affair happen. good luck and I would say just talk and keep your cool if you do see the OW.

My question would be - whats the point? what do you want to get out of it?

These people are on a different "level" of logic (or non logic) that is the level of "gutter trash".

Their thinking is so messed up as - is that I don't think anything in this world would get through to them. It's not like this is "kind and considerate" behaviour.

They don't consider anything but what they want at that "very" second - period. Nothing else.....I am actually not kidding about that. The more they can destroy in life - the better for them.

Remember the kids that would go around and jump on sand castles after someone build one - some nice sand castle - that is the person you are dealing with.

You could show them a movie of how all this ends - "this is your life" - this is how you screwed up your life and everyone around you - now do you want to live this way - knowing the end result?... their response - sure. Looks like something I would like to try - every other logical person response - "huh"? are you stupid... well - I don't think we need to answer that do we?

I did confront the other woman. I went to her house when she would not stop texting my husband a couple weeks after dday which was 2 months after th a ended. I would say after all this time has passed be careful what kind of communication you open up. It tok me several months and a move 400 miles away to end the stalking of me that came of that. It was rough. And to her it didn't matter she was worried about only herself and what she desperately wanted from the relationship.

Don't do it.

It's like wrestling a pig. The pig loves it and all that happens, is you get dirty.

Hold your head up high. YOU WON! If you talk to her, you are letting her know she matters. She doesn't!

I want so badly to slap dirt bag's slut. He still works with her!!!!
But no. I am bound to see her at some point and I will just stare her down.

Control your emotions. Do something positive for yourself and your marriage instead with that energy. I know you probably think that is
so easy to say, it won't bring you satisfaction, but think again. It will.

The drama must end. Think back to before you knew about the A.
You were happy. Claim that state of mind back.

It rarely works out well.
Write a letter to her, read it out-loud & then tear it up or burn it and move on.
Remember, your husband was equally complicit in the affair.
Also remember that when you dig a grave for someone, you might as well dig one for yourself.
Lastly, you can only work on yourself. So do that. Goodluck.

I have a few reasons for wanting to talk to her. obviously 1 is to scream at her... which I will never do because like y'all said it would just give her satisfaction. 2 is because I know at some point we are going to run into each other. And I would rather have talked to her before instead of being put on the spot and not have any control. and 3.. she is pretty dumb.. it would probably take 2 minutes to find out more information than my boyfriend has admitted in the past year and a half.

It will probably take a lot for me to actually do it. I was just wondering about y'alls experiences

I eventually confronted the OW because she tried to keep her foot int he door and it was escalating. If a conversation ever happens, you need to make sure your H is 100% on your side and not still playing both sides of the fence. And then expect her to contact him to say how mean and evil you are.

Wait a minute,.....boyfriend? Your boyfriend cheated on you with one of your (so called) friends? Dump that sack of fail and find yourself a real man and surround yourself with a better class of friends before you find yourself 10 years older and dealing with his nonsense again. Only then with a couple of kids to take care of as well. This is not something you want to deal with for the rest of your life.

we've been together for 4 years, live together.. it's not like just because we aren't married there is nothing to lose. and i knew who she was but didn't like her until i met him and he was friends with her so i gave her a chance and she was pretty fun to hang out with. usually my first instinct about people is right... just wish i listened to myself more.

How does she fit into the picture? She wasn't married to you. She made no promises to you. Is your ire pointed in the right direction? "She" could have been "anybody."

are you saying that I should only be mad at my boyfriend? I am mad at both of them. at least he has worked to make it up to me. she was supposed to be my friend and continued to act like my friend after it happened for 2 YEARS until I found out about it. I don't know why I even come on here. half of yall are more judgmental than supportive.

Do you think it's judgmental to point out that she doesn't matter? I know she wouldn't matter to me, x-friend, or not. She obviously hurt your feelings as a fake friend. And yes, I think that would make me angry too for a bit. In fact, it did once. An X-friend of mine made "not so funny little moves" around my H. Didn't get anywhere, but the moves were obvious. I don't particularly like to see obvious disrespect by a person who "claims" to be a friend. I didn't wait for her to betray me further. The fact that she disrespected me was betrayal enough. I sent her down the road. So, yes, I can understand the "friend" thing.

What would you rather hear?

I agree with sheen. "What do you want to hear?" You are asking advice ad looking for support from a group of people who have all been there or in a similar situation. I saw nobody judging but giving their honest opinion.
So here is the version it sounds like you want to hear:
Call her open up that line of communication that hasn't been open in a year an a half. So you can tell her to stay out of your lives,which it sounds like she is already doing.then have a long emotionally charged conversatin to tell her what she did wrong and how it hurt you.(because I am sure she didn't already know this before she risked the "friendship" to have sex with your boyfriend). I am sure tht after hearing from you she wil suddenly grow a conscience and put her whole life in perspective and realize the hurt and pain she caused you and live a new life always sorry for what she has done.

*cue hallmark movie dramatic music....