I think that this kind of question is not appropriate for the main board, because there are so many people in pain who come here as their first stop.

Other users have posted hypothetical questions like this in the past, and caused an immense amount of triggering and pain to people who didn't deserve it.

I recommend reading the "For Cheaters New to this group" post.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Infidelity/forum/11643988-cheaters-new

I may be the exception to the rule but my husband came clean. I told him and still insist that if I would have CAUGHT him it would be over. I've also told him since that if I so much as catch him in a lie we are DONE. There's nothing I hate more than a liar and marriages just don't work on lies. As far as the politicians go, I think the ones that cheat live in loveless marriages and are only trying to make more money and further their carreers by staying together, has nothing to do with forgiveness, or love, just selfishness and convenience.

I'm just saying that for some of us...its not so easy to leave....people have teir own reasons for staying and you are not crazy if you choose to stay. I would stay for financial reasons, my children, my lifestyle..etc.. I may be saying this today. I may come to this board today because i may be feeling like this today. maybe 3 months or year from now, after I worked through some emotions and gave it time, I may leave. Everyone has a different braking point.

I'm not really sure why you posted that question considering the fact that many of us here are the BS and are staying and working our behinds off to rebuild as are our spouses. Prior to finding out about my H's A, I thought that cheating was the deal breaker, especially since we were having so many issues in our marriage. However, there are so many other factors to consider once you are actually faced with the reality that cheating has occurred.

My H and I have been together our entire adult life. We have 2 children and an entire life built around each other. Many of our pre-affair issues could have been addressed were we just more mature and if we had communicated more effectively. What could have been a marriage ender for us (and almost was), turned into the catalyst for change for the better in our marriage.

Sure, I could have lived without the pain of the last year and a half since dday, but since it did happen, our love is deeper and richer, our committment is stronger and our communication is better than it has ever been. What we think we will and will not tolerate is not absolute. With all of that said, my H knows that this was a one shot deal. If it ever happens again we are over because I would never believe in him or trust him again. So, for those whom you mentioned, the public figures who stay with their cheating spouses, we don't know what happens behind the scenes. I never believed Hillary and Bill's marriage was genuine. If someone is a serial cheater, that goes beyond an affair. That is abusive and addictive behavior and I would never stay in that kind of situation. I certainly wouldn't subject my children to that type of person, even if it is their father. In my case, it is only because my H is ashamed of what he did, takes responsibility and is trying daily to make it up to me am I staying. Anyway, I'll leave it at that. Hope I answered your question.

The reason why i posted the question because...for me... it would not be easy to leave especally if my family and friends were pressuring me to leave because they found out if my husband cheated on me.

If I was cheated on and I came to this board and discovered that... #1 leaving isnt always the anwer like mom425 said and... #2 some dont leave and I would like to know how they got through it.

I have no guarntee my H wnot cheat on me. As the BS...I would like to know how you got through it especially if you never saw the cheating coming.

znzmom...I like your answer...you fought for love and you gave love another shot. I hope a BS will see from you that love WILL win each and everytime if both people fight fo it :)

Honestly I'm confused by your posts and your presence here. Are you saying a BS should stay with a CS to reap financial benefits when they die? If so that's warped.

If you want to know how BS (perhaps like your own) deal with being cheated on, just ask or read any of the other posts.

If you want drama, go elsewhere. JMO

Ok, I just read another post on the forced thread and I might be one of those BS easily triggered as Imdealing said... now it seems more like you're preparing yourself just in case? If so, sorry if I was harsh... still a weird post though...

I agree that this post is confusing in light of your other posts.

Not at all about the finances...just saying that people have reasons why they don't leave and we may not always know the reason why. No amount of money would keep married to a man who consistantly didnt want me. Staying with someone waiting for them to die to collect money??? That's disgusting. I kinda was bringing the feeling over from the OW post i guess. I guess its like...you never know. i always wondered why my aunt didn't leave my uncle or why someonewould move to another state an not secure a divorce like the 911 widow. Maybe they were so hurt they saw it as revenge. That i could never do. I hope I never love that hard that I could really never let go til death do us part.

You're right,,,don't know what I would...Thanks to Titian61 from another post, I no longer have the dsire to cheat on hubby, This board really really helped me. Leaning from other people's mistakes and expierences was an eye operner...This board PREVENTED me from making and inflicting the pain so many have been through. Even years later the pain is still there. I could have never nor culd I have been so open ad honest with anyone face to face. Remember..I'm the approval seeking, validation needing misfit who comtemplated creating one problem to fix another. We come to the post confused and in pain and its the anonmity of the bords that allow us to be so frank and honest and its people like Titian61 willing to share hurtful real honest information to help others. I was nothing but honest and confused. I wanted to cheat on my husbandbecause I was in pain and confused. Now I have clarity....THANKS DAILY STRNGHT!!!

Wow.... the "law" and the "media" have nothing to do with someone's broken heart. You obviously haven't experienced this..... for some of us, we wouldn't care about money or estates..... it is about the most devastating experience I have ever know.... death of a loved one included.... death of a child... of a sibling... of a spouse. Nothing compares to the betrayal of the most important person to you.... the one you thought you could trust above others. Nothing compares to the devastation of someone leaving your life voluntarily after promises before GOD and your family that you were the love of their life... and they would forsake all others... til death....

No.... you have not been here. You have not loved someone with all your heart and soul and BELIEVED their promises and sentiments of the same.... then been betrayed. Come back when you have known this experience. Then we can talk.

Staying is hard after cheating.

Leaving and starting over is hard.

There are really no easy answers to this one.

L~

Hmmm. A little sardonic humor. I didn't marry for money, prestige, social status, and the like. If I had married for that...and not for love...then I suppose there would be no reason to leave? But then, I'd feel somewhat like I was exchanging my body and my life for money. I think there's a name for that? And sans the marriage certificate it would be illegal?

^5 to SheenRe. I agree.

I think that dragging my kids into a situation where they are at risk of living in poverty or becoming homeless because I feel unloved by a cheating spouse (or feel unloved by a faithful spouse) would be incredibly selfish. Almost as selfish as cheating. To expect that people will make major life choices on the basis of love alone, without consideration for very real practicalities, and to imply that any woman who considers finances in her decision to stay is engaged in prostitution, is pretty extreme. How many betrayed women here considered their financial security when they chose to rebuild? Are they all whores?