Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I have been married to my current husband for 3 years, together for 4. He seemed like the perfect person in the beginning. Lots of promises, which turned out to be empty in the long run. Lots of sex, which also turned into non-existent.
In April of 2019, I came across a message from one of his former co-workers asking when I would be home and telling him that she wanted to see him. That night, I came home, and he told me that he was going to go "Door Dash" for a while...I said, NO, you're not! I know where you're going. The conversation had turned into him going to see her at her work, and I wasn't going to let that happen. He didn't go, we fought, and then the issues seemed to get pushed under some imaginary rug?
Well, of course this peaked some of the suspicions I had. So, yes, I'm not proud, but I snooped. And it was almost scary what I found. We shared a device where I could see all of his emails, browser history, and locations.
His emails went all the way back to before we were dating, while were dating and to current. While we were dating, he was trying to hook up with women all the time....and some men too? He has a profile on almost every hookup site imaginable, and the obvious ones too. He tells me he keeps the obvious ones to "see if there are people he knows on there". Yeah...ok. (eyeroll)
Now comes a doozy. Same month, April 2019, he finds us a house, and I fall in love with it. He convinces me that he has enough money to buy it because of the sale of his old house with his ex-wife. Lots of things fall through on the deal, and then all of a sudden, the day of closing, my husband has what he thinks is a heart attack. Which turned out to be a panic attack, because in all reality, there was no money (Not a dime!). This I didn't find out until recently, because I finally got up the guts to call his ex-wife and talk to her as we have always been very civil with each other.
We go through a few months, pretty uneventful except the constant browsing of sites, but no real action.
He starts to question where I am, and what I'm doing, and who I'm with. And I'm always EXACTLY, where, with and doing EXACTLY what I said I was. He even went so far as following me to places I told him I was going. Obviously, I thought this was strange, but didn't put much thought to it. If I don't answer my texts within minutes, he calls and questions where I'm at...well most of the time at WORK! And to this day he's still doing this.
Sometime in late January 2020, he gets a "wrong number" text. Somehow those messages transpired into a "relationship" where there were some very explicit text messages exchanged. (I'm the account holder, and I can see all texts). He even told her at some point he would leave me for her.
Now, we get into the "good" stuff. February 2020, I am scheduled to go on a work trip. He tells me, "you're just going to fu*k around on me aren't you!?!" Seriously!?! No! So, the trip comes, and I'm sitting in the plane on the runway ready to take off (still in my city) and I start to get weird notifications from his messages. He had dropped me off at the airport and contacted an ESCORT!!!! I sat on that plane in complete shock, and slowly pulled my wedding ring off my finger. Tears streaming down my face, trying not to let complete strangers see that my heart had literally exploded out of my chest. I felt sick. I tracked his location once I got to my destination and confirmed, yes, he was there, and it was for the time agreed upon. Again sick. Once I got home, I did confront him. At first, he denies it. I had contacted the Escort, and at first, she lied, but then I sent her screenshots and she fessed up. He tells me that it's my fault he did it, that he thought our relationship was in "trouble". So, you get an escort?! Who thinks like that?! I cave and let him stay. He promises to do nothing like it again. He's scared of what his family will think of him. Ok fine. I'll let it be... for now.
Now remember the "wrong number" text? He's still texting her. This is about March 2020, and now he's going to meet up with her for dinner one night. Well, her being a savy and cautious woman, he looks him up on Facebook....and what does she find? That's he's married...to ME! So, she sends me a message, including screen shots, and we set up a plan. I will be there in her place to once again confront him. Well, I show up, he's not wearing his ring. Says it's because he took a shower? He never takes it off. I say, so were you planning on having s*x with her? He says No! She's just a friend. I say to him, that's hard to believe considering the screen shots she sent me! He says this is just an extension of the Escort issue. He says it will stop. He texts her one last text....
And that very night, she replies. But just a hope it works for you sorta thing. Well it didn't end there. They were right back to where they left off. She apologized for outing him, and he agreed he deserved it, but still wanted to make it work with her.
I finally have enough and in August 2020, I tell him he has to tell her no more. He texts her, tells her I know, and gives her his work number, and says, let's still do lunch and stop by anytime. Wow.
Now we get to September 2020, and the month of our 3-year anniversary! It's on a weekday, so he decides to get us a hotel room on the weekend. Ok, maybe he is going to change. Yup, I was wrong again. The very next day, I found out he's been on the Ashley Madison affair site, and actually PAID for an account! And immediately starts messaging women. How dumb can I be?
This is my second marriage, the first one just ended up to be more like roommates, but my friends all tell me...Your "picker" is broken. And I'm starting to believe them.
I need to find the strength, not only for me, but for my daughter (11 - from my first marriage)
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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Oh, and the -accusing you of cheating - is called gaslighting. It's to put focus on you and off of his cheating.
Think about your daughter. And yourself. That you want and deserve to be with a faithful man who will love and protect and cherish you and your daughter.
This man does not take his marriage seriously. You deserve better and so does your daughter. He is probably spending a lot of money on these women, the escort money, the dinners money, the website moneys.... all of his money is going to having sex with other women. It should be going to your marriage.
Please get to the gyno and do a full STD screening. He could bring home HIV.
Please look out for yourself and your daughter. You two deserve so much better than this kind of life.
You know what you have to do, and yes it is scary, hurtful, painful and not at all going to be fun. You would not let your BF tell you this story and let her continued to be hurt without constantly worrying about her and hoping she sees the light.
So take your own advise, stand up for yourself, love yourself as you are a gift of God.
Focus on your health, your spirit, your soul and show your Daughter that you are able to make the safe healthy choices in life.
i pray you are safe and healthy.
Are you really ready to deal with him fathering someone else's child, and having that woman and their child be part of your life, forever?
You are so much better than all of this. His cheating is not your fault at all. This is who he is and he will never change. This is not healthy for you, or your daughter, to be around all of this.
Now to just kick my own self in the ass, and get out.
I know nothing has been physical with any woman since February, and yes, I've been tested. I'm almost obsessed with tracking his whereabouts, and online presence. And it's making me sick.
He's never fathered children, and he's in his 50s. And for that, I'm kind of glad. I can't imagine him putting his own children through this. My "step-daughter" (19) (He's her step father from his previous marriage, and she kept it that way until she found out what he was doing to me (same as he did to her mom)) has completely dis-owned him. He's ruined his relationship with her, and has all but completely ruined it with my daughter because she see's the way he treats me.
And you're completely right about dragging me down. I just found out he's either having his wages garnished or will be for collections he never took care of that I told him he needed to. So, his help with bills, or lack there of, is going to get worse.
I've got to get this done. I'm beside myself thinking why have I let it go on so long.
But you do know...now.
It is just too much and not worth it, you know? He's disrespecting you. Being selfish, Things could turn dangerous, who knows what kind of women or escorts (they have pimps, you know. Do you want them coming to your house?)
If he has past bills, and you have to pay them, that is not fair to you, he should be paying them. Being the MAN, and not spending all his money on escorts, websites, dinners with other women.... etc.
I know this is hard. I get it. I have been with cheaters and I know what I am saying from experience. It is too much stress to snoop around or follow them and finding out where they really are and feeling crushed, yet again. Over and over. Your sanity is at stake, YOUR money is at stake, and of course, your precious daughter.
Do you have friends, family, church, etc, that you can turn to for support? Do you think anything such as "Well I have spent 4 years with this guy, and look how bad these 4 years have been! But, I don't want a second divorce, what would everyone think about me? And do I really want to get out and start dating again....."
Do those kinds of thoughts keep you stuck? If so, have you looked into talking to a therapist? I talk to a therapist every week for an anxiety disorder I have and I can tell you that therapists are very helpful in sorting out my thoughts and what actions to take next.
You are obviously a smart and good woman. Please want more for yourself.
We're here for you if you need support. Big hug to you.