Okay, shegave. So it sounds like you're still leaning toward ending your marriage. No one would blame you if you did. But you were talking about wanting to feel loved and cherished. I suggested that quiz as a way of quickly re-evaluating your needs so that, if you do continue in your marriage, you can help your husband to understand what you need from him right now. It might be quite different from when you read the book before.

I do get that him having an affair was the polar opposite of speaking your language. But if you are to stay, won't you need to make your needs and your own love language clear to him?

Bumping, as a reminder of where we started a few months ago...respectful, understanding support offered with caring and kindness. And patience, up to the point where my words started being taken out of context, exaggerated and/or completely fabricated.

We did not start out as enemies. I started with you from a place of caring and trying to help.

By the way I forgot about built and onyx. Where did they go? I saw them both on this after bump and realized they haven't been around in a while.

Thank you for bumping this fiber, I know the reason you did, but picked a great one either way. The whole biology of our thinking that unless we know how it works, do not understand ourselves. I was in a car accident Sept 2, 1997. I developed a closed head injury, fibromyalgia, and other stuff. The frontal part of my brain is where they believe most of my neurotransmitters where broken. They can repair, but it takes a year before you know what the lasting effects will be. I completely changed who I was not even trying. I developed problems with reading, letters would move around on me, concentration, headaches OMG pure hell!. I developed sever acute depression, self destructive paranoid oh wow. I was the mother house/wife who was married 2 months prior (to now xh I left him when I found out he cheated again almost a year later) I was prescribed pills and meds that I just hated. Hospitalized, so I can understand how this part of the brain is so powerful and truly controls our feelings/actions regardless of what we know different. The emotion and feelings are so strong, just can't ignore. But once I understood that, started IC and medication I learned to listen to myself, and know when my body is not in the right place. I am lucky that way. That I can ask for help before it is out of control. I don't know about not hugged enough by ones mother. My mother was not a loving kind of person with me. She always put me down, and I continueally heard I ruined her life. For ever bad thing that happened to her, I was the cause. (No I wasn't but took awhile for me to know that) I felt useless, worthless, un-loveable. (yes I know the childhood with today stuff so over that now) I think we if I look at the pattern in my H family, it is not to hard to see why they cheat, are jealous, controlling, abusive. It is like he was raised to believe the illnesses of his family are ok, but only for them. A megalomanic with low self esteem concitted (sp sorry) personality, which I guess there is a name for it . Cheat on them and omg you are the worse slut on the planet and they will beat you down and everyone will know you are the worse person to inflict pain. Hung by a tree with the large red A on you. But they will help my H to cheat, cover for him, set him up, and their is nothing wrong with that because they don't think they are doing anything wrong. THAT is messed!! Empathy seems to have missed all of them. It is all about them. At least my H is coming out of that slowly.

i can't buy into it's the noncheating soues fault for the cheater cheating, if my wif put 10% of the effort that she sent on hiding her tracks and seaking around inot our relatioship we'd still have one.
She blamed me stuying home and watching the kids, said it allowed to lie about being out with the girls.
Maybe all situations are different but do not put blame on me for soiling yourself, for making a truth that you want to hide from. I never did that to anyone particullary not someone I love