That is cheating and no, you are not over reacting at all. You have a right to be upset. And, she lied when you confronted her. So, there's a lot of lying and dishonesty and inappropriate behavior going on her part.

I would suggest you two go to a marriage counselor. Try to get to the bottom of why she is doing this.

I don't think anything she says to you now will be a valid excuse. She had no right to do what she did. I think a counselor could straighten this out. You could go to individual counseling as well, to help deal with your feelings about all of this.

Some of the dating sites were paid for so I don't buy the excuse that she was just curious about other people. Also found prepaid credit cards, online hidden storage etcetc.... A lot of things were deleted before I got to it, I have ask for an answer on the deleted items, she claims memory loss and does not remember. She is also Bipolar and uses that as a crutch. The Bipolar card was played often during our arguments.

She is definitely up to something. Does she show remorse? Is she willing to go to counseling?

I have gone through the same thing. It is painful, full of emotions, and is not comfortable. If I may ask a question. Overreactions are always objective. Your feelings are always valid. What was the feeling when you heard her denial other than anger?

You CAN NOT change her, you went looking for something and you found it.
Now, do you work? do you take pride in your work? Do you stay healthy? Do you have healthy habits and hobbies?
Are you taking care of your soul, morals and spirit?
She choose to step that is on her. But you have to love her from a place that you are not afraid to lose her.
You have to focus on your own self and the be the best person you can be.
That includes helping your wife be the best person she can be, and being supportive.
Yes, the odds are she will do it all again in the future but that is on her not you.
You have to ensure you are doing healthy happy things and not failing yourself.
I pray you are healthy and safe.

Very deeply hurt, this is a woman that I have trusted with my life for 20 years. The way she lied and did not blink an eye while doing it just blows me away. There was no remorse, no emotion, nothing. It was not until I tossed the evidence on the table that I could see the panic in her eyes. Then she started lying more and more trying to cover up other lies. She finally gave up and claimed memory loss due to bipolar. Now everything I ask her, even with proof she claims she does not remember doing it.

Memphiswh, thank you for the comments, I have a new found vigor to get more healthy. It hurts but I will get thru this.

My husband did the same. When his behaviour became odd, I decided it was time to look through his phone. He was sexting with 14 different women. There were hotel room stays, dates, some were invited to come Have sex with him in my home while I was at work. I found condoms hidden throughout his “man cave” and in his car. When I confronted him about it, he claims it is only living out a fantasy through sexting. I don’t believe a word he says. This is cheating whether there is penetration or not. The intention was there

If you see the tip of the iceberg, jryan, the iceberg is there, … just waiting to sink your ship. While you are trying to figure out what is going on, she is busy trying to figure out how to hide evidence and culpability. That is the gut reaction of many cheaters. You need to know what it is that she dreads happening like the relatives knowing what she is doing. That will be your card to wake her up. Right now she thinks that she has the advantage, but if you discover any real evidence, make sure that you have friends and relatives to help you.

I agree it is the tip of the iceberg. I am putting together more and more evidence. She does not know all I have, I held some back and looking into it. For her part she has clammed up and claims memory loss. I am not going to get any more info out of her.

GirlinCalif- Other than getting caught and scared to death that I am going to leave her, I really see no remorse.

I find myself in the same situation jryan. My husband of 20 plus years appears to be an online whore. I really need to get him to open up but he's shut down and claiming a mental abberation. Oddly, I'm just angry at the moment, Felt somethings been wrong for a few months but he's denied it, despite being given opportunity to come clean. I've got too much literally invested in the relationship (child and homemaker) to walk away. I need answers first, to make my decision.

jryan - How are things going now? I think marital counseling would help you two. And get individual counseling for yourself as well.

She lied to your face, you cannot trust her word until she makes an honest attempt to prove to you she is trustworthy and shows some form of remorse. Absent those things she will continue to lie. You are amidst a game of cat and mouse, the stakes are your sanity and your home life. Either way you loose. If you don’t prove further lies you will never trust her, if you do your marriage is over.

I am so so sorry. This is exactly what I went through. My ex was such a manipulative liar she had me convince I was wrong and I felt bad for even trying to discuss her suspected infidelity.

It wasn’t until cornered with actual evidence and a divorce lawyers card on the table that she caved and told me the truth, that she had been banging a coworker every-which-way for months upon months.

I wish I could say cut and run and save your sanity, but I don’t know your situation enough to give that advice. I actually tried to work things out, twice...went to counseling. In the end though she insisted she wanted to be my wife, I was not capable of believing her.

The best advice I can give you is document everything. Take screen shots, print things out, save things on a private drive she doesn’t have access to. Not only will it be easier to ascertain the scope of the cheating, but down the road it may be relevant in divorce proceedings.

Lastly talk to a lawyer, protect yourself. If she lies to your face, who knows what she is capable of lying about.

Been a rough 2 weeks. I uncovered a few more lies and the one online sexual fling turned into 2 different people. One of them was done with me sitting in the same room. How is that for ballsy... Says she made a huge error in judgement and it will never happen again. I really don't trust her but for the sake of a 20 year marriage I am going to give it some time. I am watching everything and will not let this slip by me again. As for me, I am just kind of blah... she took the excitement out of my life. I have my good days and bad, today was a bad one. This to shall pass, thank you all for the comments, it does help.