I'm sorry for what your going through. I'm here if you need a friend. I'm new to the site as of today.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Could you ask your psychologist for a different depression medication? There are many that wouldn't cause hair loss, and a new one might possibly help you feel better. If he is cheating, if it was me, I wouldn't cook for him or clean up any of his things in the house. But that's just me. I understand you don't want to tell your family yet, but can you go see them, and just get out of the house? Do you have a friend you could call and maybe go out for a coffee with? Just to get out of the house for awhile.

We're here for you!

thank-you both of you for the offer of support. No, I have no friends to go out with. And I am still in so much shock that I can start crying at the drop of a hat. Going to work has been my only way of kind of coping, for some reason I can't cry at work, I feel compelled to keep it together for some reason. & joining this site. He knows he was my only friend, so this is all really devastating for me. I cry a lot even while he's here, but I'll hide in my bedroom or go outside to smoke...I don't want any comfort from him...He just ends up making me more sad and I am gravitating toward hating him for dumping me at such a hard time in my life, while he dreams about pursuing this woman at his work. My whole situation seems so pathetic. My isolation makes this so difficult. I know I need friends, but all my issues over a long-standing time have ended up making it difficult for me to make friends, so I have just avoided making friends altogether...mistake, I know. Like I said, feeling so alone/isolated makes this so much more difficult. I'll probably call my family soon, but am still so embarrassed, because we aren't really that close, and I see this as another failure in my life. I hate asking for help from my family because they can be judgmental and are usually not helpful...They have their own issues which make it difficult for them to be emotionally available to me. I am just miserable, and really hating the whole situation with how the other woman was involved...The jealousy and thinking about all the ways I wasn't good enough makes me hurt so much inside.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Can you see your psychologist about changing your medication? There are so many out there that wouldn't cause hair loss, and ones out there that might help you feel better during this hard time. Tell your psychologist what you are going through with your husband. Maybe he/she can recommend a therapist. Also, do you have a friend at your work? And also, can you ask him to move out, tell him what he did was unacceptable and you two have 5 months left on this house lease, and you would like for him to leave. THEN see what happens... would he even go to that other woman? I think it's time you get your strength together (yes, you DO have inner strength!) and tell HIM to move out by this weekend. Be firm. Say he has till Sunday night to get out.

Also, I understand about making a guy most of your world and not cultivating friendships, but this may be a hard lesson that you really do need to have outside friendships.

You can and will get through this! Hugs.

I don't really know that he was involved with the other woman, but reading his feelings for her in his book was enough to rip my heart apart & caused me to think that there likely more to it than what he initially said was the reason he was breaking up with me. I don't know if she was/is giving him signals or if she even has any idea that he likes her. Most women are pretty good at picking up on men's feelings, so I suspect she likely has an idea. I wonder also if his buddies at work could be acting as "encouragers"...e.g.- "hey why don't you finally break up with that girl you're not happy with & then we'll drop hints that you're finally single, then you can go for it!". (Because I am not close with any of the people he works with). It just makes me angry because he has worked there for 10 years & when I confronted him & asked him how long she had been working there, he said "why does that matter?" Well, it fucking matters because that's how long you probably had your eyes on her while you were with me! She's the boss's daughter, so has probably been working there for awhile!

Anyway, my hair is growing back, but it has been a slow-coming process. I found a herbal-type supplement that is helping it grow back while I stay on the anti-depressant medication, which is a stimulant (Dexedrine). First & 2nd line anti-depressants didn't work for me & a stimulant is all that has worked. But having thin and bald patches & trying to hide them was/is still emotionally painful for me. I used to have quite long hair down to the middle of my back. I am working on growing back the last couple of smaller patches, but at one point I was about half bald.

In a lot of ways emotional betrayal is just as bad, or worse, as a physical affair. I think it actually would have been easier for me to deal with an actual physical affair than it was for me to read his "loving" feelings toward this other woman.- "when I'm around her I lose control", "I want to hold her and kiss her", writing her name with hearts beside it, and all this type of nauseating shit.

I will likely seek out counselling & a support group that has other depression sufferers, because I need someone to talk to. All the losses at the same time is too much for me.

The wondering/not knowing & losing the trust is so difficult. Where is he now when he's gone for so long? What type of interactions is he having with her everyday at work? What types of things is he saying about me to his family and his friends since our breakup? I just am still filled with so much pain & anger. Sometimes I feel I would like to tell people in his family & his friends & coworkers my side of the story & what I'm going through so that they will understand it's not all just "she was making me miserable with her depression". Actually it was him who was incapable of being a true companion and supporter to me & him who gave up on me, & him whose eyes wandered to someone else.

So sorry. I still maintain that you should ask him to leave. Now. You are going through enough, and he broke up with you, so he should be the man (for once) and leave the house.

As far as the hair loss, that does seem to be an uncommon side effect. Have you talked with your psychologist about the hair loss? You could look into wearing the inexpensive hair extensions that clip on, they sell them at most discount beauty supply stores. Just to change up your look a little and have some fun with it :) Sounds like you could use even a little bit of fun right about now.

I would recommend counseling. This is a tough time you are going through.

It seems like the relationship was just about over before he started having an affair. He was just too much of a coward to end it and then move on to someone new.

Just clean cut it once you get your ducks in a row with housing etc.

It's important that you take care of your mental health and consider carefully before entering another relationship before you are stable and health enough.

That was what made it hurtful...I am/was still am battling so much with my depression, but I still thought through our relationship that he was there for me. Knowing that he really wasn't makes me feel so much more alone. When you are depressed, the disorder already makes you overly emotional & feeling at the mercy of the world. To have your significant other of 4 years end the relationship by treating you like that is like being kicked when you're down & the emotion is sometimes more than I can take & I have to find ways to distract myself to try to emotionally remove my mind away from the pain of the situation.

Change your medication to one where your hair will grow back. Meanwhile, buy a cute wig that frames your face well. You'll feel so much better.
Have a heart-to-heart with your ex-boyfriend. Ask him to leave, but continue paying rent until the lease is over. He may do it.
It sucks this happened to you.
Good luck.