In the State of Florida you have to have a person's permission to tape their speech. The Legislature recently passed a bill making an exception for abused children who record their own abuse, I was really glad they did that.

Don't know how all that applies in Bobo's case.

I'm really uplifted by hearing that the wheels of justice are turning for her...and looking forward to hear how this goes in a courtroom, assuming it makes it that far.

He confessed to remembering 3 of the abuses. There were more but, my Detective said we only needed one but 3 is better. He of course said it was my fault but at 8 it does not matter. The Detective hopes to be the one to come to NY to interrogate and bring him back to FL and get to meet me. With dad living next door it is hard to avoid him but we all do our best not to speak to him. My hubby and sons are biting their tongues and keeping their feeling under control. Hope in a few more weeks this will be over.

Thank all of you for your support during this ordeal. Only you know truly how I feel.

I can't imagine how difficult all this must be for you, Bobo. I applaud your courage in all you've done. And I'm hoping for a quick resolution to the case.

I have been here only sporadically so I went back and read your posts from the beginning. I am heartened by how many professionals have been good to you. You seem very persistent and you take things in stride. I know it is hard to carry on in spite of your fears and I don't think you can be stopped in your quest to keep other children safe.

He is a scumbag of the first order to blame this on you. Of course no one buys it. I am going to make a separate posting (maybe you have read it) of an article called "Excuses, excuses, excuses" about how these men hold themselves blameless and will never change unless they will read or listen to the damage of victims and develop empathy. It is rare that they are willing and will subject themselves to the cure.

I fear I may either need to do another control call of be out of luck. Even though the SOL changed they have to go by the law at time of abuse, which was just a misdemeanor.

Sexual abuse of that degree was just a misdemeanor!! I am so upset. Because he used his hands and not his privates. They are trying to dig into other laws at different ages. His sexual oral abuse at an older age (12) maybe a capital offense. I can only pray and wait till they dig up more info.

This is my first Christmas with put my Mom and I am holding tight to my family to get through. I pray for all of us who find this time of year extra hard.

Blessings for all of my fellow survivors.

Bobo

Blessings for you too, Bobohurts. It's horrible to read what you just wrote and know the suffering you endured. I'm so glad you have your family with you.

I don't know the law, but I had a feeling this might happen. I was pretty sure the tougher law could not be applied retroactively.

So sorry it worked out this way, Bobo. Things have changed in regard to sexual assault laws...legislators understand now that abuse of a child can have lifelong consequences.

Sure hope they can dig up something in the law they can use in court.

I hope they can find something to get him for Bobohurts. I don't know the laws about these things, but (if) you have his confession on tape, that's a powerful tool you may be able to use in some other way.

Whatever happens, be proud of yourself for doing everything humanly possible. But I can only imagine your frustration, anger and disappointment. Please be very kind to yourself. This is not a defeat, it's simply not something you can control. Warm hugs from whistleblower :-))

Honestly, I think that is a decision that you have to come to after a lot of contemplation. I know that before I went through therapy, I would have sent my father to jail in a heartbeat. Now that I have been able to face what happened to me, i have found an inner peace that made me decide that it was not worth the stress, energy, or anger that it would cause and take. My situation occurred from the time I was 6 until I was almost 12. I am now 31 years old. I have reclaimed my life. I have a wonderful man that I think might propose to me soon, I have a beautiful step-son, I have a peaceful and safe home, and my life is filled with happiness every day. I have managed to emotionally disconnect from my father for the most part. Somehow I still love him, but this could be just a child's natural instinct to their parent. He is currently a miserable alcoholic who was forced by the state to go to pedophilia classes due to an incident that occurred in 2010 where he went to meet a minor that he had been talking to on the internet, and that minor turned out to be an undercover sheriff. Those classes made him realize what he had done to me I think. I think it made him remember and they made him realized what trauma he actually caused to me. He has apologized to me but it does not hold much meaning, I am numb to him. I am grateful for the apology because I know that there are many of us out there that never get that. But he continues to drink and it makes his word worthless.
So when I say that you may want to contemplate your decision, know that it is from personal experience that I advise it. I could have put him in jail when that stuff happened in 2010. The detectives wanted a statement from me. I chose not to, because even though it would serve the purpose of justice, i did not think it was healthy for me to get up in front of a court and testify and relive all of that while facing my father. I chose my sanity and mental well being over my need for vengeance. And i know whole heartedly today that it was the right choice. He already took my childhood from me. I refused to let him lay claim to any other part of my new life.
Karma has exacted my vengeance for me and I get to watch his torment. I
I hope that me sharing my experience helps you to come to the right decision for you and your well being. Good energy and hugs for you my fellow warrior. May you and yours be blessed with peace, healing and happiness.

if it aids in your healing then report him.

PhoenixQueen-

No child molester/rapist is above the law. I was not allowed to report or even get therapy when I told my mother at age 14. That encouraged my perverted father to have opportunities to violate me and other children. If we all worried about being judged for wanting vengeance, nobody would ever be convicted for anything.

You're lucky that your father got caught by the sheriff. He got off easy by just attending "classes". Still, I'm sure you got some satisfaction out of that. Not everybody's that lucky. Nor can everybody just go on with their lives, no matter good their lives are, and feel at peace without taking a stance against the evil in this world.

BTW, justice does not equal vengeance. Too many of us have been brainwashed into turning the other cheek. That being said, I'm of the belief that vengeance isn't always a bad thing. If it results in the truth coming out and we get a little vindication, we more than deserve that.

For me, the pain of going through the steps to convict my father would be worth it. Bobohurts is a hero in my book. She pursued this for herself, and because she cares about not letting predators walk free.

My situation isn't exactly the same as others, so I would never advise what a person should or shouldn't do in these matters- either way.

PhoenixQueen.
It can be re-traumatizing to tell what happened and no one can be faulted for making the decision you did. Karma worked in your case but mostly it does not and that is why a justice system exists.

When a man/woman is convicted of incest think of the audience to that news who may have followed in his/her footsteps and others in the public who are committing incest and sober up to what could happen to them. Think of the victims who get courage to tell.

If survivors who can get a conviction don't then how is it going to get through to society that incest is a crime? A crime with consequences.

I have been able to talk to my most favorite aunt. One of my fathers sisters. She was shocked and most supportive. My detective has not given up on the case, we just need to look for other areas. This terrible journey has brought more memories to light and I hope they will aid in my peace of mind and justice. I am not sure if any of you have had events/abuses that had foggy or missing pieces but I have. I was told that recovery was like unfolding an origami swan. A delicate process and when the memories are ready it will open.

With all that has happened this year, the loss of my mother, my beloved dog passed away, (may seem silly to some but my pets are very important to me), the stress of my moms funeral that was not as she wished but, as my father had control I was not able to do anything to change it. My aunts and uncles have commented how he made it all about him. He is now selling family heirlooms that have been in my moms family for over 100 years. He has no honor. My brother has written to him and told him he is no longer welcome at his home.

My aunt has told me my family, aunts and uncle have always thought my dad to be a bad seed. He has lied and caused the family much pain. I have her full backing.

Phoenix, I understand that each of us have different feelings and circumstances behind our abuse. Mine includes not only the abuse he inflicted upon me but, my mother he mentally and emotionally abused her. She told me in the past few years she wanted to leave but felt he would not support us and we would be homeless. Then even though he did not sexually abuse my brother he used him as a work horse for his business. He did not see us as his family, wife and kids, we were his possession to use as he pleased. At 52, I see things in a different manner than you do. I certainly appreciate your post but, it will not work like that for me. I will push until that monster is in jail.

I thank all of you my fellow survivors. All of your post are very helpful. I will keep you posted as the new year will be a very interesting one.

Bobo

I am excited but trying to be calm and realistic. My Florida detective has called and will be here in a couple weeks to question my father and hope to get more of a confession. He has admitted to abuse in a control call but they need more.

I just can't do another one. With him living next door I don't even look his way if We are both outside.

I am praying that both of the detectives can get what they need.

The first anniversary of my mom's death is coming soon. I also start therapy next week. Victims services had a difficult time fitting me in due to my schedule. Having just one car makes it hard. But it's happening.

Your friend BoBohurts

Thank you for the update, Bobohurts. I did not realize you were living next door to your father! How ghastly for you! It's great that things are moving forward, though. I'm so glad you're going to be able to start therapy soon. I hope and believe it will be a huge support for you.

Hang in there - you're doing great!