Healthy Sex Support Group

This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

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I hate being intimate with my husband

EMP88364
EMP88364

I have only been married for 2.5 years, and I am beginning to loathe sex and even cuddling with my husband. When he goes for the upper deck I feel so dirty and repulsed. His kisses are hot and disgusting as his spit gets all over my mouth, and I have breathing in his hot breath. But physically I'm not right either anymore... Let's just say it's like laying with a brillo pad from being so dry. If I never had sex again I would be fine with that. But if something happened to him, there is no way I would ever remarry. I learned my lesson. 


However, things were not always this way. For the first year and a half I was the one with the higher sex drive. His meds lowered how sex drove so I was the one who would oftentimes just have to forget about having sex. But now we've flip flopped and I just don't ever have to have sex and he wants it about one a week or week and a half. Oh, and he never wanted to get right to it. He needs the whole foreplay thing of making it and stroking, which is added torture for me. When is over, I feel awful and traumatized. 


I finally told him that  a big reason why it is so hard for me is the fact that he makes me handle everything, and when I get off of work we just watch TV, and while he keeps saying he needs to do things I'm interested in he never does, and he needs to work harder at finding a job. Even when I work overtime he could sometimes have dinner waiting for me. How am I supposed to be interested in having sex with an ineffectual man like this. It's like I love him, but I don't want to be physical with someone who behaves in actuality more like my son. 


Nevertheless, I am obligated to give him sex so I will just have to grit my teeth and bear it. 

lladyfairhair
lladyfairhair
Thats really great advice right there....for sure... I would agree with the above- there are many people out there that feel turned off... certainly don't beat yourself up abouot it
lostsoul72
lostsoul72
This is just strictly my opinion here. Being a proud and pride full man I do two things in my life. On eis to make my lady happy both in bed and out of bed. I don't mean to sound sexist here by any means, but there is and always has been this unwritten assumption that men are to fix things and take care of the family financially and take care of the more laberous chores. I am not condoning this by saying it, but I am telling you how a lot of men ar brought up in the world to take care of their family's.

I work full time and overtime, I also take care of most of the outside chores and all repairs in my house and vehicals. I also help with cleaning and laundry and dishes and often cook meals. In my mind and opinion this is the way it should be. A man should never dump everything onto their woman or even expect them to do everything and especially not be the sol-supported of the family and be unemployed.
He should take your needs and desires to heart in bed and do all he can to fulfill them. A relationship/Marriage is a partnership of two people making everything work together. When one person is doing everything and the other is doing nothing and reaping the benefits then it is no longer a partnership.
I wish you luck.
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
sounds like you guys are just not compatible anymore. If you can't openly communicate your feelings and put your ego's aside then your marriage may be doomed.

I think you both need to see a marriage counselor

God Bless
LivingWater
LivingWater
I sometimes feel obligated to have sex with my BF. He is the one who wants it. I love him and don't want to end the relationship. He is good to me. I was alone a long time before meeting him. I also don't like the way he kisses!!! He has a nice touch, but the kisses are too deep. Oh, well, sex isn't ever going to be like it was when I was young. Just have to make the best of things.
racinggirl
racinggirl
Nobody ever has to settle. Especially since you are not "dependent" on him. I am a person that believes when you get married its for better or worse- but an abusive person is very good at making you believe they are wonderful- until you marry them. I got married when I was 15... He was 21, and always treated me like a queen... He never talked down about women or anything. Until we got married and our son was born. Its like he resented the child- and blamed me for it. He was super abusive (mentally and sexually- as soon as it got physically as well, I left). If I could go back in time, I would have seen the red flags and ended it sooner. The things you are describing are pretty much how i felt. Shit, he even told me I "had to cause I was his wife" and whether I wanted to or not (usually not) he took it. My cries nor my words stopped him. If you truly feel this way about your partner- and talking calmly and rationally doesn't do anything- thats a red flag that its not going to change, and you don't have to be doomed to a dark, unhappy life forever. Ive been there, and it sucks- I wish you the best- hugs.
sexysub56
sexysub56
Have you thought of therapy?
razorbacks
razorbacks
yall need to talk about the situation or get a divorce ..... doesnt sound promising at all
jokiwhau
jokiwhau
You are NOT obligated just because you are married. I was in a similar situation where my husband did not take care of himself, but he couldn't figure out why I wasn't interested. Bottom line is you have to tell him - sorry but guys need it spelled out sometimes...LOL

The dryness is probably because you are no longer turned on by him I suppose. Until you fix the mental part, the physical part will probably continue to suffer. Hopefully some marriage counseling will help you. Good luck!!!!
tynee5511
tynee5511
I am so shocked to find your post I didn't think that there was anyone else there with the exact same problem that I had he has no job he was lazy he was very rude but he expected sex of me and I was totally turned off by him because he didn't treat me good he didn't try to please me and he didn't work so how are things going for you now with this situation?
EMP88364
EMP88364
Come to find out, my birth control pills played a big part in my lack of interest. The other things were true too, but at least now I'm able to perform again since changing my birth control.
doubleDmikey
doubleDmikey
Perform? Life's to short ...work together and enjoy it....let him know what you want .....happy wife happy life.
ThisToo
ThisToo
oh boy , I have been in your shoes ! I agree with first reply for sure.
by the way if you are going to force yourself to have sex anyway you don't get lubricated most likely because you dread it. I will tell you (my husband passed away , and I have new more improved love life now even though I am past menopause and my BF is ten years younger) I use coconut oil , to lubricate myself ahead of time. He loves it ! and it is about the healthiest thing a woman can use for that purpose ! definitely do not use Vaseline......just fyi.
ThisToo
ThisToo
oh and what lostsoul said about men's roles, i agree. Whilst in the midst of our frustrating marriage when my husband complained bitterly I did not give him enough sex.........though when i did try, it was never enough...........
we were watching a preacher on tv , that he liked and I was happy when the preacher brought this up.......that if you are a man complaining your woman is not living up to the sex thing, that you are probably not living up to your role as man of the house, breadwinner, etc.
I say to heck with the modern socially accepted feminist stuff. I don't want to be someone's princess or baby girl but I do want a manly man.
lostinthecycle
lostinthecycle
I just come upon this post and almost thought I was reading my own post. I have been wondering the same thing as you were. For the past year my husband has not had a job, I left him last summer but ended up getting convinced into letting him come back with the promises that he'd changed....he now takes our kids to and from school and to and from their extra-curricular's on the days that I work. But, I work 2 jobs, do all of the cleaning and running around as well as anything kid related on my days off and he naps on the couch, plays video games or watches tv. He has gained a lot of weight and has no motivation....
Ravenck
Ravenck
Seeing these posts makes me feel not so alone. I was sexually assaulted before i started dating my husband. We made out and stuff but i was scared about sex and felt pressure because he had expectations. For the first year it was ok but he would constantly pick at everything i did. Slowly through the years it got worst and worst and the worst i felt the more i didnt want to have sex. He did take care of me, but not the way i needed. I wanted the support of a loving husband... He wanted me to just get over it. Now we are getting a divorce and i know i should have gotten help soon but its a little to late to save my marriage. It makes me sad and filled with anxiety. If you want your marriage to truly work go to counselling before its to late. You cant let this continue for yourself or him.
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