Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
I posted this in 'Healthy Relationships', but perhaps this group is more fitting? I hope cross-posting is okay. I can certainly use all the advice I can get! I am back at Daily Strength after a lengthy hiatus. I am not sure this is the ideal support group for my dilemma, but it seemed the best fit from the choices. I don't expect to make any fans with this post, but I am going to be honest.
I have three men in my life at the moment. I am 51 and have a husband of 26 years. I have been unhappy/bored/ out of love for probably the past 15 years. I really DON'T want to be married anymore, but am paralyzed by the enormity of untangling a marriage of such long standing. Financially, family-wise, etc. In addition, I know it would devastate my husband, who is basically a good person.
The second man is a single man I have fallen completely in love with. We were together once, in December. Since (and before) he makes dates, then calls them off. We have long chats/cybersex, then he ignores me for days. He told me he loves me, needs me, wants a chance with me if I am ever single...then turned cold again. I get my hopes up, then I end up in tears. Multiple times. He has been single for 6 years and told me I was the first woman he made love to in years...but he won't come back for more. His reasoning is that I am married and he believes fundamentally that it is wrong and he has never even entertained the idea of being with a married woman before. I understand that, but why the back-and-forth? I told him last evening that I would be satisfied with just being friends and he told me that he believed we would have our time and place and that it would all come together somehow. So now I am hopeful again...but what the hell does that really mean...? I have tried cutting off contact twice, but I can't stay away. It's a roller coaster ride form hell.
The third man is someone I sought out as a replacement for the second. He is also married. We get together about once a week and have a great time. We are both very sexual, so are well-suited, and we have a lot of laughs. He is crazy about me. I like him a lot, but can't get man # 2 out of my head...
I have a feeling this mess of my own making will one day explode and destroy my life (I also still troll online dating sites and have considered risky undertakings like meeting with a couple for sex). Does anyone have any advice for me? I need a way to get over guy #2 and a way to resolve my marriage issue...even if it means divorce.
I have three men in my life at the moment. I am 51 and have a husband of 26 years. I have been unhappy/bored/ out of love for probably the past 15 years. I really DON'T want to be married anymore, but am paralyzed by the enormity of untangling a marriage of such long standing. Financially, family-wise, etc. In addition, I know it would devastate my husband, who is basically a good person.
The second man is a single man I have fallen completely in love with. We were together once, in December. Since (and before) he makes dates, then calls them off. We have long chats/cybersex, then he ignores me for days. He told me he loves me, needs me, wants a chance with me if I am ever single...then turned cold again. I get my hopes up, then I end up in tears. Multiple times. He has been single for 6 years and told me I was the first woman he made love to in years...but he won't come back for more. His reasoning is that I am married and he believes fundamentally that it is wrong and he has never even entertained the idea of being with a married woman before. I understand that, but why the back-and-forth? I told him last evening that I would be satisfied with just being friends and he told me that he believed we would have our time and place and that it would all come together somehow. So now I am hopeful again...but what the hell does that really mean...? I have tried cutting off contact twice, but I can't stay away. It's a roller coaster ride form hell.
The third man is someone I sought out as a replacement for the second. He is also married. We get together about once a week and have a great time. We are both very sexual, so are well-suited, and we have a lot of laughs. He is crazy about me. I like him a lot, but can't get man # 2 out of my head...
I have a feeling this mess of my own making will one day explode and destroy my life (I also still troll online dating sites and have considered risky undertakings like meeting with a couple for sex). Does anyone have any advice for me? I need a way to get over guy #2 and a way to resolve my marriage issue...even if it means divorce.
Awesome, love your comments & do see where there is a lot of good there to salvage & for good reasons.
Cindy, I see Dr.Laura Bermans' (sex therapist) shows sometimes & have seen her work with couples that could hardly be in the same room together but after figuring a few things out, these same two people are obviously happier than they've ever been. So don't give up that hope. Your husband seems worth it from what you've said here...but the sound of staying together unhappily because your families will be upset about it, made me cringe. Wish you well
Today, he is in ignoring me mode again, which always happens after we have cybersex, It usually lasts a few days and then he reaches out again. As I said, we have only had real sex once.
I thought you were going to try to figure yourself out, so that you could have a plan & not hurt anyone.
Also I think it's great that you have such a healthy sex drive, really. I know a lot of people who don't & wish they did, so i'm not knocking you for that. I think you should embrace it but for goodness sake, your husband, jeez, does he not mean anything to you? Does he not have your respect at all? This doesn't look like it's going to go well.
The fact that #2 would carry on with you like that at the event, says a lot about him too. Take care, maybe see a counselor. good luck
However, I was in tears about him again today as I have been countless times, so I know you are right that he is no good for me.
I think it would be good for you to consider going. Also, if you're depressed, fixing that would be in your best interest because men can & will take advantage of you if you're not looking out for yourself. This could get even worse.