That being the case, doesn't that make why he acts the way he acts irrelevant, and what really.requires some deep analysis is why you do what you do, how to change things within yourself so you don't end with people who are manipulative, play games, etc.?

The fact that you think you deserve being treated this way or cause people to treat you this way has nothing to do with him. I'm not trying to give you a hard time and I know people gotta get places on their own terms, but to me, it seems like so much energy spent on him and less on you.

Codependency? Sounds exactly like my situation. This is mine tonight: Well, I had an Xmas hat and Xmas music on, in a great mood (not crying hysterically) and GUESS WHAT?! I'm home alone and "cocky". Eyeroll. Humorous at this point.....he's out "somewhere" didn't tell me where. I KNOW MY VALUE AND IT'S NOT SITTING HOME WONDERING WHERE YOU ARE! Stayed strong tonight and gave him a big FU and he hated it. Asked me to promise not to see anyone for 30 days..


Fine but can't you see you lost control in the relationship so now you want to control another factor? Sorry, not waiting 40 days FOR YOU. For me, maybe. But you couldn't love and respect me when I was yours who are you to tell me what I can do when I stand up for myself?

The was post, but didn't want to retype. Same thing.....just yesterday it was "can I get you a drink baby?" Ahhhh how I love the prior...lol

Keep us updated. I'm in the same boat, want to end it but....

Thanks Rmb for your honesty. I do realize I have codependency issues. I need to work on them.

Britbrit99, yes definitely in the same boat and I need that strength to get out!

Krissy, what exactly are you after here? What has he done that has put you in such a sour mood towards him and your relationship? Why do you want to leave him, is this a case of infidelity on his part?

Hi lenoire
I will add you as a friend so that you are able to see my other posts.

My post did he cheat
Unsure
Silly question ect.

It seems like everything he says to you is nothing but manipulation.
He doesn't want to go see a therapist with you because he knows that the therapist will crack him open immediately.
I don't know your man, but mine was extremely good at hitting where it hurts during any conversation and just because someone says they love you, it doesn't mean anything. It is like a way of shutting us up to say what we want to hear.

Hi Krissy, thank you. I looked through your posts, and remember now responding to the one called, "Did He Cheat." Were you able to ascertain whether or not he cheated with the coworker whose letter and valentines cards you found in that box in the office, or whether they had anything going on? Do you think this girl was just a coworker who had a crush on him, or do you believe there is more? Have you done any other digging and has there been any further discussions about it? How have you moved past this incident, or is this the reason you're sleeping in separate beds?

Lenoire, No I don't have anymore proof! He keeps saying that he has no idea!. The reason why we are like this, is that he got physically violent with me and he denies it. I went to see a therapist and he found out that it was because of him and he did not like it!. Now he says he wants to change and agreed that he was not always very nice to me, however denies that he got violent with me! As for the cheating.... I think something was going on!

Thank you for filling me in. Was the violence him grabbing you or pushing you, I think I remember something to this effect? If he's denying it, what is he saying happened?

The fact that he wants to change is a good sign. What is he doing to make this change? Do you both still spend time together over meals, and relaxation time, or is that strained as well?

Krissy, I think you need to make a decision whether or not you can tolerate his behavior. Don't know what the "physical violence" was, but if he can do it once, he can certainly do it again. Manipulation is also a horrible trait. So is crazy-making. Work with your therapist to get some clarity. In my limited knowledge of your situation, I think you deserve a whole better.

Actually this is so messed up in many levels. I don't feel he wants to change, yet I feel he wants me to change. For sure if he could he would like things to go they were before....
The truth of the matter is that he told me we needed to break up after he found out I was talking to my therapist about our relationship. He left our bed... And after so many times he said we need to break up after every argument...... I just have enough enough! He put his hands around my neck and said who is talking now.... Huh!! He sure made me shut up!! He said I am making this up and it is not true which I actually felt I was being to sensitive about this or actually going crazy! Change needs to come from total honesty and I can not change him!"
he said that he does not want to go to therapy with me because he is scared of what I could say about him..... How can we change if we don't face reality???
I did go to a restaurant with him although this was very difficult for me to leave my daughter with a babysitter. But I said I should and did. according to him I am not spending enough time with him!! I am tired... I cook, clean, go to school, work, and I help him with outside stuff as well and he does not help me! I need to watch tv with him... And be sure not to fall asleep or I get to hear you don't spend time with me!!i apologize and apologize and asked him for help.....i have no energy to live with his ups and downs... and one day I am good and one day I am not.... One day he might help when it is convenient, next day I better not ask! Now going out with him was after the fact that we agreed to that going to therapy in exchange. He said ok and now he does not want to... It is very one sided here... So what is he doing to change???? Talking and now apologizing after continuing the same manipulation. Just because he says sorry now does not justify the action! Yes we do have meals and talk but there is no emotional attachment on my side any longer unless for SOME REASON he does really change not just talk and there would be another beginning. However HE needs to want to change and accept responsibility.
I will need to think of my daughter and myself and start healing from THIS!

Aw, Krissy, that's bad stuff. It's doubtful he can change. Continue to read up on abuse...emotional, mental and physical. I hope you can find a way to extricate yourself from this man. Sorry you are dealing with this. XX

I'm so sorry to read all of this Krissy. It must be so difficult for you to try and be happy. The fact that he left your bed because you spoke to your therapist about your relationship, sounds like he's overly sensitive to it, and perhaps knows he's a bit cray cray. He may have a personality disorder if he doesn't remember strangling you, or do you think he remembers but is denying it?

Is he an angry man, or does he stay relatively calm when you can't or don't do what he requires? If you fall asleep on the couch, and he says you don't spend time with him, can you not tell him that you're tired, it has nothing to do with him, and it's selfish of him to demand you stay up just for his sake when you need your rest.

Does he have sensible and logical thought, or is there some sort of personality disorder that's overriding his sensibilities?

Thank you I twist.
Lenoire, He gets very angry to the point where my heart starts to beat at times. He even said ",you look scared?" when I tell him why... He keeps giving me speeches how I should not speak in a certain way or react in a certain way and he would no react like that!!! I think he knows very well but if he admits than that is taking responsibility which you can see he his not ready to do so! He is a very emotional guy! I do tell him I am tired so than he says how I need to change this and cleaning is not important now... and why don't you do like I say... Or why don't you listen to me!!
I am not his puppet and I really don't like it when he says how I need to do things!! I would not be for who I am if I follow his point or view in life!! I would not want him to do everything I say should be done or threating the Hwy if not accepted. The fact that he is different is what I liked....
I don't like to categorize people, however he is showing a strong personality of a narcissist.