I'm new to this group, so, a little background that this is a new relationship (15 months), though he was an acquaintance level friend for many years. A few years ago, he and his wife separated/divorced and not long after my husband and I separated (completely unrelated to our friendship). We aren't really sure what shifted, but one night we bumped into each other and somehow started a more serious conversation. Like many in our age range (45-50) we have some mid-age crunch going on with older/adult children becoming independent and aging parents. In addition to the normal stresses, my 24-year-old daughter is an unhealthy relationship and hasn't been doing well, my 21-year-old son is in recovery (clean a year last month) and his 13-year-old son is having issues with substances/school, his ex-wife is constantly crying on his shoulder about the horrors and how she can't deal with it and the two younger children of her new boyfriend, his brother is in serious legal trouble (none of us think him guilty of), so his mother is also needing our support, my mother has mixed dementia and my dad is trying to keep her at home as long as it's possible and whew. Much longer story short, it's a LOT and really too much for any of us to be dealing with perfectly. I think he and I tend to deal different and where it all makes me want to be closer (affection, intimacy wise included), it makes him want to isolate and have more space to deal. Of course, we both have plenty of past triggers at our ages, as well. I don't want to come across as a completely selfish soul because I know a lot is going on, but I don't want me/us to get so lost in it all that we're not seeming to bond enough personally so early in a relationship, either.

Any thoughts, feedback or just "I fell ya" would be greatly appreciated.