Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I often hear other women saying they prefer friendship with guys because there's less drama, I have pretty amazing female friends and the ones that were drama queens have been out of my life for a long time, still, I really enjoyed the simplicity of the friendship with guys.
I don't have a ton of friends, specially male ones, basically just a couple, one of them was a fwb a long time ago and since my marriage was over he wanted to go back to that, I told him that's not what I want and now he basically only texts me when he's drunk, so we don't hang out anymore. The other one is like my best male friend, we used to go running at least 3 times a week and even go to races together, he has a girlfriend so that made me feel comfortable. Thing is, I saw him yesterday, I was helping him get some stuff because he was going camping, I asked about his girlfriend and he said they had a fight, then I told him I'm seeing someone and then we changed the subject again. Long story short, we were drinking and he tried to kiss me, I pushed him away, reminded him he has a girlfriend and I'm interested in someone else, then like half an hour later he tried again and I decided to leave. I don't think alcohol being involved is an excuse, he knew perfectly well what he was doing.
Now I feel bummed because: a) Now I wonder if the whole friendship was a try to have something else with me, b) Mad at girlfriend or not, he still has one and I didn't think he was that kind of guy and c) Even if there was mutual attraction I deserve more than be the girl he made out with when he was drunk and mad at his gf, so that makes me think he doesn't appreciate me or respect me enough.
Do you think I'm overreacting because I see this as a bad sign for the future of the friendship?
I don't have a ton of friends, specially male ones, basically just a couple, one of them was a fwb a long time ago and since my marriage was over he wanted to go back to that, I told him that's not what I want and now he basically only texts me when he's drunk, so we don't hang out anymore. The other one is like my best male friend, we used to go running at least 3 times a week and even go to races together, he has a girlfriend so that made me feel comfortable. Thing is, I saw him yesterday, I was helping him get some stuff because he was going camping, I asked about his girlfriend and he said they had a fight, then I told him I'm seeing someone and then we changed the subject again. Long story short, we were drinking and he tried to kiss me, I pushed him away, reminded him he has a girlfriend and I'm interested in someone else, then like half an hour later he tried again and I decided to leave. I don't think alcohol being involved is an excuse, he knew perfectly well what he was doing.
Now I feel bummed because: a) Now I wonder if the whole friendship was a try to have something else with me, b) Mad at girlfriend or not, he still has one and I didn't think he was that kind of guy and c) Even if there was mutual attraction I deserve more than be the girl he made out with when he was drunk and mad at his gf, so that makes me think he doesn't appreciate me or respect me enough.
Do you think I'm overreacting because I see this as a bad sign for the future of the friendship?
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Sorry, there is such a thing as being intellectually and emotionally repulsive too, which, I can admit, i sometimes am! "Repulsive" or "attractive" are in the eye and mind of the beholder anyway. Yes, it does hurt to be rejected. I've been on both sides of that, the rejector and the rejectee, and they both feel awful.
If people are mature, then there wouldn't be a problem with opposite sex friendships.
If you're a naturally untrusting person, or the jealous type, then THOSE are the issues; not the fact that a friend is the opposite sex.
He works in the mind-therapy field....and claims absolutely NOT possible. I disagreed. He says that opposite sex friendships are never formed without an intention to "gain" something, or without purpose.
I'm wondering. I have many male friends. Some of them are my closest friends. I can't imagine life without them and know that it definitely is possible, but, I think depending on the people involved. Josh gave me much to think about though. My hardcore "crush" I struggled with....we were "friends" but there was more too. And yep....I've watched him leap into a horrific relationship in which I hear about....when things get bad. I'm not sure I call it a friendship anymore. I've let him go....but there was tension there.
The rest of my guy friends....no attraction. This makes me wonder....
I don't have many male friends, maybe that's why I'm wondering if it can be possible, I don't think it has to go to the extreme to find each other not attractive at all, I can find someone attractive without wanting to be with that person.
That's a very interesting point Namaste.
Well, once again he has started to put innuendos in his texts. I have no idea why he does this. I do not need these ego boosting texts. I do not ask for them. I'm not sure if he thinks he is just being nice or what. His gf now has blocked me on fb and I have no idea why. I never give him mixed signals. I love my boyfriend. So I think I'm gonna have to cut my ties with him. It makes me sad because he is a very nice guy. He has never tried anything physical with me.
So I understand where you are coming from.