Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I'm 28 years old and I've been small my whole life. My dad's side of the family are all naturally slim with supercharged metabolisms and I was lucky enough to get that passed down to me.
I really don't have much of an appetite. I graze on snacks throughout the day and eat one full meal a day. I'm not dieting, I'm not concerned about my weight/appearance, and it's not like I "hate" food. I'm just rarely ever hungry. In my opinion, part of that is probably because I don't really work out and I sit in an office all day. I'm not burning off much energy or calories, so my body isn't really demanding more. Even my dad has said that he just eats because he has to...you put gas in your car to keep it going, he eats to keep his body going.
My friends think I never eat and give me hell for it all the time. They've thrown around "jokes" about my having an eating disorder and things along those lines. I've tried to explain that I just don't have much of an appetite, but they just roll their eyes. It doesn't help that they often want to make dinner plans at 8:30-9:00 at night. Who waits that long to eat dinner?! I get home from work around 5:00 every day...I've usually made myself some type of dinner by 6:00. I've tried meeting them and only ordering a couple drinks or picking at a small appetizer, but when they order full entrees and see that I haven't, they seem almost offended. If I try to force myself to eat when I'm not hungry, it makes me feel crappy and sick to my stomach.
My boyfriend largely leaves me alone about it. He said he gets that I just have meals on a different schedule than most people and if I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry. It sort of sucks though because he's been making dinner when I come over to his house sometimes and I know he makes enough so that I CAN have some if I want, but there always ends up being a ton of leftovers. I appreciate that he's trying to accommodate me, but then I feel guilty when I think of food and effort he's wasted. He picked up a pizza and brought it to my house last night, but I didn't want any. Granted, he didn't get there till almost 10:00 and my dinner was long gone, but I still get that surprised face when I say I don't want it.
How do I make people understand that I don't have an eating disorder or food hang ups, I just eat differently? I often make either a decent sized dinner or order a big lunch from somewhere when I'm at work and that takes care of it for the most part. I know my habits are little different than most, but why do people seem to care so much about it? I'm clearly alive and well...
I really don't have much of an appetite. I graze on snacks throughout the day and eat one full meal a day. I'm not dieting, I'm not concerned about my weight/appearance, and it's not like I "hate" food. I'm just rarely ever hungry. In my opinion, part of that is probably because I don't really work out and I sit in an office all day. I'm not burning off much energy or calories, so my body isn't really demanding more. Even my dad has said that he just eats because he has to...you put gas in your car to keep it going, he eats to keep his body going.
My friends think I never eat and give me hell for it all the time. They've thrown around "jokes" about my having an eating disorder and things along those lines. I've tried to explain that I just don't have much of an appetite, but they just roll their eyes. It doesn't help that they often want to make dinner plans at 8:30-9:00 at night. Who waits that long to eat dinner?! I get home from work around 5:00 every day...I've usually made myself some type of dinner by 6:00. I've tried meeting them and only ordering a couple drinks or picking at a small appetizer, but when they order full entrees and see that I haven't, they seem almost offended. If I try to force myself to eat when I'm not hungry, it makes me feel crappy and sick to my stomach.
My boyfriend largely leaves me alone about it. He said he gets that I just have meals on a different schedule than most people and if I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry. It sort of sucks though because he's been making dinner when I come over to his house sometimes and I know he makes enough so that I CAN have some if I want, but there always ends up being a ton of leftovers. I appreciate that he's trying to accommodate me, but then I feel guilty when I think of food and effort he's wasted. He picked up a pizza and brought it to my house last night, but I didn't want any. Granted, he didn't get there till almost 10:00 and my dinner was long gone, but I still get that surprised face when I say I don't want it.
How do I make people understand that I don't have an eating disorder or food hang ups, I just eat differently? I often make either a decent sized dinner or order a big lunch from somewhere when I'm at work and that takes care of it for the most part. I know my habits are little different than most, but why do people seem to care so much about it? I'm clearly alive and well...
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
It's kind of kooky that not only are people bugging you about what you eat, but that you even care what they think. Eat what you want to eat and how you want to eat, and don't let your friends comments get under your skin. You're habits aren't even that out there so I'm not sure why this is even an issue, to you or to your friends. I eat by 6:30pm every day because I'm in bed by 9:00 pm. If that's unusual for a person who is working all day, or running a household all day, it's news to me.
Maybe your friends are rolling their eyes because you go to great lengths to explain your eating habits or maybe they see it as you're judging them for how they eat. I don't know. Whatever the reason, who cares. Do your thing.
I know what it means having to listen to comments about my eating habits or even difficulty to gain weight. Recently, a friend of mine sent me this on Facebook messenger:
"A girl told me how hard it is for her to gain weight. I said it's hard for me NOT to. We had a good laugh and then I punched her in the face"
It's a joke, right? I don't find it funny, but I laughed it off. That's all you can do, laugh it off, OP.
(I gave up on saying a thing to him about food when he was 3. He didn't eat his dinner so I told him no other food. He snuck a banana, a yogurt (full fat) and a hard boiled egg!
What 3 year old sneaks a balanced meal? Yet he always has eaten like that.)
We've always joked about it off and on (mainly because it's been a pain finding clothing that fits), but lately he's gotten a bit prickly about it.
I'm wondering if he's getting flack from other kids at school...
Anyway, you've given me something to think about. And I think that it's probably time for me to skip that subject.
Like you, my son eats (I buy the food, and do notice who's eating what), but it tends to be really healthy stuff, and in the amounts that we're all Supposed to eat, but don't always do eat (my kids were willing to almost draw blood over the last apple in the house this past weekend...while the perfectly ripe bananas were feeling neglected).
Most of the time what someone says to you, especially if they are complaining, is a reflection of themselves. It seems possible to me that either your friends wish they were thin, have a hard time being thin, or feel guilty about what they are eating for some other reason. It sounds like your choices are for some reason making them feel insecure. I am not saying that your friends aren't thin, they quite possibly are! But they also might eat more than they think is right during the day, or things they wish the y didn't. etc, so many factors. For many people, but more often women, they have a love/hate relationship with food.
It sounds like from what you are saying, they are envious and/or misunderstanding (also from a place of envy though). I think at this point there are a few choices, because it sounds like explaining it is not going to help. Either learn to ignore their comments, or if you have one on one time with one or 2 of them who you feel really WILL hear you out, try that. Sadly, sometimes things like this start to show us how good of an understanding friend someone will or won't be. If they want to pick at you and you can't brush it off, you might evaluate the friendship on a deeper level, to see if you want to spend as much time with them.
I've had friends and co-workers in the past say to me, when I was trying to lose weight or maintain weight loss, hurtful things like "geez, have a donut, you are making us feel bad," or "if you're going to order a salad, I don't want to eat with you," or "you are so tiny! You should really splurge, or I will feel bad [about whatever she ordered]". In all of those situations, the people in question were trying to justify THEIR own eating by comparing it to what I was doing. I did not say to them "I dont want xyz because I'm dieting," or make any kind of fuss about it at all. But their own insecurity lead them to monitor and analyze what I did, and therefore to encourage me to make a bad choice so they could justify their own. So maybe that's not the case w your friends, but that's what it made me think of and why.
((HUGS))
Your boyfriend seems more understanding. I'd just tell him I don't want anything to eat. Don't buy or prepare me anything. There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with going to a restaurant with friends and just picking or not eating at all. It's good to socialize. Tell them :
I enjoy your company and that's why I go to dinner with you. I eat a huge lunch and am never hungry in the evening so I'll probably just pick a bit while you eat. If this bothers you then I will quit meeting you for dinner.
I am sure they will understand but if they don't just quit going.
I remember an Oprah interview with Gabourey Sidibe, and Oprah asked her about her dealing with her weight, and I thought, really Oprah??? That's what you're asking this, funny, delightful oscar nominated actress?? No one ever asks male actors about their weight, whether their too thin, or if being overweight is a problem for them.