Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I'm 28 years old and I've been small my whole life. My dad's side of the family are all naturally slim with supercharged metabolisms and I was lucky enough to get that passed down to me.
I really don't have much of an appetite. I graze on snacks throughout the day and eat one full meal a day. I'm not dieting, I'm not concerned about my weight/appearance, and it's not like I "hate" food. I'm just rarely ever hungry. In my opinion, part of that is probably because I don't really work out and I sit in an office all day. I'm not burning off much energy or calories, so my body isn't really demanding more. Even my dad has said that he just eats because he has to...you put gas in your car to keep it going, he eats to keep his body going.
My friends think I never eat and give me hell for it all the time. They've thrown around "jokes" about my having an eating disorder and things along those lines. I've tried to explain that I just don't have much of an appetite, but they just roll their eyes. It doesn't help that they often want to make dinner plans at 8:30-9:00 at night. Who waits that long to eat dinner?! I get home from work around 5:00 every day...I've usually made myself some type of dinner by 6:00. I've tried meeting them and only ordering a couple drinks or picking at a small appetizer, but when they order full entrees and see that I haven't, they seem almost offended. If I try to force myself to eat when I'm not hungry, it makes me feel crappy and sick to my stomach.
My boyfriend largely leaves me alone about it. He said he gets that I just have meals on a different schedule than most people and if I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry. It sort of sucks though because he's been making dinner when I come over to his house sometimes and I know he makes enough so that I CAN have some if I want, but there always ends up being a ton of leftovers. I appreciate that he's trying to accommodate me, but then I feel guilty when I think of food and effort he's wasted. He picked up a pizza and brought it to my house last night, but I didn't want any. Granted, he didn't get there till almost 10:00 and my dinner was long gone, but I still get that surprised face when I say I don't want it.
How do I make people understand that I don't have an eating disorder or food hang ups, I just eat differently? I often make either a decent sized dinner or order a big lunch from somewhere when I'm at work and that takes care of it for the most part. I know my habits are little different than most, but why do people seem to care so much about it? I'm clearly alive and well...
I really don't have much of an appetite. I graze on snacks throughout the day and eat one full meal a day. I'm not dieting, I'm not concerned about my weight/appearance, and it's not like I "hate" food. I'm just rarely ever hungry. In my opinion, part of that is probably because I don't really work out and I sit in an office all day. I'm not burning off much energy or calories, so my body isn't really demanding more. Even my dad has said that he just eats because he has to...you put gas in your car to keep it going, he eats to keep his body going.
My friends think I never eat and give me hell for it all the time. They've thrown around "jokes" about my having an eating disorder and things along those lines. I've tried to explain that I just don't have much of an appetite, but they just roll their eyes. It doesn't help that they often want to make dinner plans at 8:30-9:00 at night. Who waits that long to eat dinner?! I get home from work around 5:00 every day...I've usually made myself some type of dinner by 6:00. I've tried meeting them and only ordering a couple drinks or picking at a small appetizer, but when they order full entrees and see that I haven't, they seem almost offended. If I try to force myself to eat when I'm not hungry, it makes me feel crappy and sick to my stomach.
My boyfriend largely leaves me alone about it. He said he gets that I just have meals on a different schedule than most people and if I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry. It sort of sucks though because he's been making dinner when I come over to his house sometimes and I know he makes enough so that I CAN have some if I want, but there always ends up being a ton of leftovers. I appreciate that he's trying to accommodate me, but then I feel guilty when I think of food and effort he's wasted. He picked up a pizza and brought it to my house last night, but I didn't want any. Granted, he didn't get there till almost 10:00 and my dinner was long gone, but I still get that surprised face when I say I don't want it.
How do I make people understand that I don't have an eating disorder or food hang ups, I just eat differently? I often make either a decent sized dinner or order a big lunch from somewhere when I'm at work and that takes care of it for the most part. I know my habits are little different than most, but why do people seem to care so much about it? I'm clearly alive and well...
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
I can understand why friends would get offended if I was invited to dinner and only ordered a starter. Eating out in good company is a social occasion, an event in itself. If you don't want to eat out with your friends, why do you bother going? It's like being invited to a concert and barely tolerating the music. You can explain and rationalise all you like, but if you're not enjoying the event, then people you are with are not going to enjoy you. The way around having a late dinner out is to maybe have a lighter meal at 6 as to not spoil dinner with friends at 9.
Another thing, instead of grazing throughout the day, have your breakfast, your next meal, then lunch and dinner at regular intervals, no more that 4 hours apart. If you get hungry in between, have a very light snack just to take off the edge.
Having had similar issues with food as yourself, one thing that I found particularly helpful was taking time to the sensory pleasure that food provides. Pay attention to flavours and textures, take your time to appreciate food which in turn can help you learn love food as opposed to tolerating it.
I often will have an appetizer as an entree, just because I think food portions are often so huge at so many restaurants. I'm not particularly worried about eating too much. I can eat a lot so that's not the issue. But sometimes I don't want a chicken breast entree the size of my head, especially if eating late. So I don't see how ordering an appetizer for an entree is something your friends should be bent out of shape about. Lot of people order appetizers for entrees, unless you're going to a really nice place where an entree consists of two oysters or something small like that.
I wouldn't make a big deal about how you're so full or can't eat or anything like that when you go out, because if you're doing that, that is what could be getting your friend's attention.
I suspect she DOES have a strange relationship with food, but you know what?
I would NEVER mention it! It's rude! Would you comment on a chubby person's second helping or huge plate of food? Nope. So why do people feel it is within their rights to comment when a slender person isn't eating?
It's just as rude to comment on a skinny person's slenderness as it is to comment on a chubby person's chubbiness.
I would say.. " So kind of you to take an interest in my eating habits, but you're making me feel like a bad friend, because I haven't thought to ask you how much you have eaten today. Enough about me, lets talk about you" ha ha
but I feel the op should in NO WAY alter the eating habits she enjoys to "fit in" with the rest of the world.
It's her life, her body and she can eat how she wants to!
As for calling someone skinny is on the same level as calling another fat.
I don't have a "bad relationship" with food, it's a necessity. It's another need: eating, sleeping, using the restroom. I'm just not HUNGRY the way most other people seem to be. I don't see why I should be forcing food down that I don't even want in the interest of making other people comfortable.
I do often skip dinner plans because of it, but then I get comments made about that afterwards, too. I want to go because I enjoy socializing with my friends, but it's not like they have in depth discussions about their fantastic entrees from Olive Garden. They eat, talk about what's going on in their lives, pay the bill and leave. No one is dining at 5 star restaurants and swooning over the food.
As I said, thankfully my boyfriend doesn't really seem to care. Even he knows it's a little ridiculous to pop in at 10:00 at night and expect a pig out session.
And Rising Star, I'm not miserable. Not even when I'm there. It's my friends that really seem to have the problem. I go the doctor annually, I'm healthy as a horse, and I'm at a healthy weight. I think it speaks more to someone else's relationship with food when they insist on fixating on what or when another person is or is not eating.
Try meeting some people like yourself, People who think of food as fuel instead of entertainment and social bonding.
Of course if you hang out with other slender "eat to live" types, you'll have to give up your "special snowflake" status, so you might want to think about it first.
When I was young and going on about something an older coworker looked at me and said... "Are you bragging or complaining" lol
Me thinks this is one of those things!
Now go eat a twinkie! ha ha
I guess I'll get my Twinkie now.
I stand by my comment that you should eat how you want to eat.
My New comments indicate that I am pretty sure you already know that.
"I'm just not hungry the way most people seem to be"
Is what prompted me to use the moniker "special snowflake"
It's not a big deal. Just say you're full and move on.
I WISH I didn't have desire to eat all the time. I have an opposite struggle. I m not huge, bit definitely overweight for several reasons.
Anyway... For many people, food and alcohol sharing is a tradition, it has been going on for centuries. When I was growing up, people had very little food, and even so, they managed to set up a table even with 3 slices of bread and two hot dogs split into pieces and have a meal.
It was important for several reasons, but none of those reasons justify shaming you into eating the food you don't want to eat.
So if your friends are going to belittle you like this, maybe they shouldn't be your friends. Have you told them how this makes you feel?
The second thing is this - very thin women who eat little are at the highest risk for osteoporosis. Lack fruit and vegetables also leads to autoimmune disorders. I know you can't force yourself to eat , but at least try to make sure that whatever you have is packed with high-nutrition foods. You may have to even make raw veg/fruit shakes and force yourself to have some during the day if you are not eating enough.
Pills and supplements do not work in the same way as raw fruit and vegetables due to how these nutrients are delivered thought the GI tract. The only stuff that absorbs ok IMO is vitD and a handful of others . Calcium supplements don't really do much.
Anyway - my health is the ONLY reason to force yourself to consume something you don't like.
At one point in my life I was eating only through the straw and now I hate juice and shakes with passion, but I force myself to have them because raw stuff combats my autoimmune disease. It is basically a medication.
So, please take care of yourself and be healthy.