Are you getting help for the anxiety and/ or depression? Start there.

I struggle with anxiety myself. My anxiety is neither related to my relationship or work but just certain things sort of trigger it. Outside of anxiety, when something isn’t going well at work
or at home, I tend to use both as a distraction from the other. So if things are stressful in my marriage for a time, I find throwing myself into work a great way to get my mind off it. If work is creating stress, I find being home or spending time with my husband or getting involved with family a great mental and emotional treat. So maybe it’s that you need to find ways to manage stress, so you have more balance.

I was listening to music in the car the other day and a Tom Petty song came on and one of the lyrics was, “Most things I worry about never happened anyway.” And I thought, well that captures the sad thing about anxiety perfectly. All that time spent being amped up about things that never amount to anything. It is such a joy killer. So really, find help for the anxiety, whether therapy, medication, exercise, meditation, whatever tools you can put into place. It is something you can manage.

Hello, Paul. Welcome to DS.

I'll second the notion of addressing the depression and anxiety separately. When I am lost in either one of those, not even the love of my life has the power to break through the resulting dissociation. When I am able, I try to assure him that he didn't cause it, he can't control it and he can't cure it. My love for him is something else, entirely. Why can't life be simple?

I'd like to add that I don't look to my spouse to therapute my psych symptoms. Spouses make lousy therapists, even when they are fully qualified to therapute the general public. I carry my anxiety and depression to my therapy support network and let my spouse support me AS a spouse.

DS is one of the nodes on my therapy support network. Hope you find stabilizing support here, as well. Welcome aboard.

I agree with the above advice that you should seek counseling for depression and anxiety if you have not done so. But I believe that the biggest hurdle is separating your office life from your personal life. This is almost guaranteed to ruin both. If you haven’t done so, google advice for keeping your personal life separate from your office life and a lot of links come up. When I had a similar problem I kept a list that I read when I leave the house and read on the train to prep me for work, starting with “forget home issues,” and another list to prep me when I headed home, starting with “forget job issues.” Months later I didn’t need a physical list because it became mental. I hope this helps in some way.

Agree about really learning to try to separate the job from the personal. It’s hard. I put a lot of sweat into my work. I care about the organization I work for, the staff I oversee and lead, and for my performance. So the pressure I feel is often pressure I put on myself. I just try to contain that so I’m not in that mode at home. When stuff is stressing me out at home, I usually have to address it or at least acknowledge it before I even leave for work or it will be hard to shake. So a lot of that separation takes some practice and real awareness about where you are mentally and emotionally.

In short i would say, take a gap from your office for few days, and give your valuable time to your partner which would be great for you both . Asap your tension free from your personal life automatically it'll show positive sign into your work. from one side you will be relaxed and can pay full attention on your work later .

I agree to get some help with your anxiety/depression..... They often won't go away without some help and both are treatable

If you see your family doctor you can be referred to a psychiatrist who specializes in psych medication if you need any and from there a therapist can help you to work through what you need to

This alone will help you so much in both areas..... Big hug.....xo

We also have active Anxiety and Depression boards on here that may be a support for you

Anxiety Board

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/anxiety

Depression Board

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/depression

It happens my friend with everyone but you have to set your priority on this to whom you have to give and don't mix with each other otherwise you will lose both the things so my advice to you is to keep a fixed time frame for your office and just focus on it and when you are with your partner that time also just think about your partner and get fully involved about what she's is talking listen to her carefully.