Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Im trying to hard to move on, I have come such a long way but I am so stressed with all this. I really want to just move on but I am so stuck in old habits about how I react.
What do I need to do to change that? I dont want to be like this now or in any future relationships.
He asked me to give him a character reference. yes its a joke isnt it. and when I said I couldnt give him one but he could pass on my details to the person interested he has stonewalled me. Its a classic punishment thing he always did. I feel like I want to do anything to get back in his favour, anything! But I wont give him that.
He is going through this court case trying to clear his name. He was accused of grooming and sexual harassment of a young girl who worked for him, she was 14. and a young 14 at that. He is consumed with anger about it. But I feel as strongly that what he did was so very innappropriate and wrong. He is scrabbling around trying to get people to defend him and say he is a good guy. He wants me to be one of those. I did try and explain to him that as his wife I couldnt. So the stone walling begins.
But thats no surprise is it. It is what he does.
What I am concerned about are my feelings that I will do anything to get him to talk to me or respond. What am I thinking!!! I know its classic Co-D response but I thought I was better. I feel fear all the time, my hands are shaking and I am a mess.
I really want to go NC but I am so scared of pissing him off, and this has pissed him off. I need him to support me for a year which is the agreement we had. I wanted a lump sum but he obviously wants to string me along for the whole year...
I have created a new FB profile in a new name, I have created a new email address and changed my mobile number so I can create a new life free of him and all his sordidness. I still feel dirty to think of him and how he said he believed I had been a working whore when we met. I feel sick about that still.
What can I say to myself to get past this?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I am struggling with not so much people pleasing but avoiding a confrontation. I guess they are the different sides to the same coin.
I need to work on this.
I think if my self esteem was more robust I would be better able to deal with it. So thats my work for today….and lots of days.
I must remember how far I have come and give myself a pat on the back!
He found out where I live as it is on the divorce papers. I thought he wouldn't get to find out and I needed to put my real address on them as I was claiming legal aid to pay for it and it all had to match my Doctors records…..
He will soon be a distant memory.
Thank you for your input everyone. xxx
I understand the element of fear, and it can be incapacitating, to the point where you can't think straight. If you write down the things you fear, that you believe he's capable of doing to you, and comb through that list and take actions to cover your bases, it can soothe some of the fear. If there's an opening somewhere, seal it shut. If he knows your routine, mix it up. If the phone rings, let it go into messages, etc. Make sure you're never in a position of vulnerability, and this may help quell that knee-jerk reaction of fear.
There are support groups for co dependency ... MeetUp's are free if you're in the US for just about everything so I'm sure co dependency is included
You just have to say no if he calls... It may not be comfortable for a while but that's okay... People get through being uncomfortable all of the time
Are you seeing a therapist sweetie?
I agree that I would NOT trust in anyway, shape or form that he will do what he says he will do... I would most definitely get a lawyer who will stand up for your rights and make sure you do the same legally
Usually the first appt is free I think
A lot of people are attracted to bad however it's not in our best interest and I know that this isn't what you want for your children
There's actually a lot on the net about it.... Big hug.....xo
http://www.mentalhealthy.co.uk/addiction/sex-addiction/dangerous-pleasure-why-we-can-be-attracted-to-dangerous-sex.html