If Peyton Manning can put his privates on a woman's face and not get arrested, I'm pretty sure YOU can glance at a woman and say "Hello" without going to jail.

You should go to a gay bar and practice on transsexuals...They are very open minded and would be the least likely to press charges against you for saying "Hello"

I'm not really comfortable with bars. I have a strong distaste for drunks.

Also, one of the women who threatened to make false accusations against me years ago became a transexual. So I don't feel like I'd be any safer around them than I would around natural born women.

SW.. I wish I knew what to do or say to make you feel better... You are a good person, but whatever happened left you with this thing... Kind of like a fear that borders hatred towards women, it is like they symbolize everything that is evil.
Until the emotional association changes, things are likely to remain difficult.
I sincerely wish for your pain to subside.

Where does it come from for you to place all of this on one gender? You've really got to pull this all apart.

By your reasoning it's like - does a person who's been sexually abused then give up all thought of having sex ever again? I would imagine some would for a time...but sufferers of SA go through incredible pain and they deal with it and come out the other side, why cant you? You arent taking any steps to move forward and just finding more and more excuses for this.

Not all people in bars are drunks. In fact most are not. Try not shooting every possibility down right out of the gate. If bars are not for you there are other places to go where you can just try to sit in a moment around women or just people in general: coffee shops, libraries, malls etc.

But it's true that your fear feels close to anger towards women and if that doesn'the change then it's always going to feel like nothing is going to.work.

The background for this problem of mine is very long unpleasant for me. I'd try writing it up again for this discussion but experience has taught me that most people wouldn't bother to read it anyways (very few have when I've shared the whole story on DS in the past).

The short version is that I've been abused by women all my life (physically, mentally and emotionally), including by my own mother. I have very few positive experiences with women and certainly none where any woman has ever spoken up and said anything when I was being abused by other women. So that adds to why it's hard for me to feel safe around women.

I've tried the self-help methods and taking advice from others to try to overcome this problem. I've tried minding my own business and stteeting clear of women; I've tried faking being confident and outgoing; I've tried copying how more socially affluent people act; etc. It has never worked out for me in nearly 30 years of trying. Whenever I try I end up running into another woman like those that have hurt me in the past. So after trying for so long to get better it just doesn't seem likely to happen, but I still keep trying. The only problem with trying agaian and again is that at this point each step backward when I encounter these hostile women leaves me more damaged and even more of a wreck. It's gotten to the point where I have to take antidepressants and antipsychotics just to deal with all the flashbacks and dissociations.

Well you can still lead a full life without women, Sleepy.

You Were grown and came into this world through a woman, just try to focus on that! Without a woman you wouldn't be here on earth enjoying sugar free gummy bears!



I would try to find other things to focus on, the depth of your problems will probably make it impossible to EVER view women in a healthy way.. best to just accept it and enjoy life's other pleasures.

You could consider yourself "Allergic" to women.

Have you ever thought of hanging around with people who are of "ambiguous gender" like "PAT" from the old Saturday Night Live skit??

In this day and age there are many humans that don't identify with either gender.. you might feel safe around them, you will never know what genitalia they have under their slacks!

May you receive all that you deserve, Sleepy Walrus. And More!

Do you have any male friends that will go with you?

Sleepy I did take the time to read your journals to get a better sense of your history. I think people want to see you not have to struggle and so they don't necessarily know what to do except throw ideas out there and hope something resonates with you .

While no one has had your exact experiences (no one can ever have someone's exact experience since we're all different), I think many of us can relate to being harmed deeply by another person or multiple people. So you're really not alone in that struggle.

People can thrive after mistreatment but when the damage is deep sometimes it really does come down to needing intense professional help and I truly hope you've explored every possibility to get that kind of help. I know you said you can't afford it but I still think there are options for those in need. Find someone to help you with resources. Not self help stuff but actual care.

I wish you the best. I really do.

@patti: I used to before the abusive relationship I was in. The relationship resulted in a serious breakdown when it finally ended. I tried turning to my friends for support, but after a while they gave up and abandoned me after telling me to "cheer up" didn't make things better (I was dealing with very severe dissociations, flashbacks and even mild hallucinations at the time as a result of the break down).

I'd try finding male friends at work, but the vast majority of my coworkers are female and I rarely get a chance to mingle with the male ones due to our work schedules.


@rmb: I've spent many months pouring over every concievable option for treatment available in my state. What it boils down to is that I need to get a job that pays a bit better and/or has benefits so I can actually afford treatment. I also need the improved income to get a place of my own so I can move out and have privacy from one of my main abusers. (It's a very sensitive and complicated situation unfortunately.)