Fibromyalgia Support Group

You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.

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Please help!

missbond1230
missbond1230

Hello all. I'm new to this sort of thing. I don't have anywhere else to turn. I was in a car accident in 2008 and have been dealing with chronic full body pain since then. I am only 31 and have 3 children. Some days I can't even walk let alone clean or work. Over the years I have visited numerous types of doctors, had MRIs, X-rays, and all that. The doctors act like they don't care and try to shove some type of pill down my throat. They never work. I have never gotten a definitive diagnosis and it's driving me crazy. The rheumatologist I saw the other day told me that all sighs point to fibromyalgia but he wants to make sure it's not lupus or rheumatoid arthritis so he took 12 vials of blood from me. I will hopefully get the results this coming week. 


I have been with my children's father for almost 11 years. I love him so much and I know he loves me. There's just this one problem: he's always calling me lazy and asking why certain things around the house aren't done. He knows what I go through. He says he understands but still yells at me when he comes home from work. I do what I can when I can do it but, I have to admit, it's not often. I'm tired all the time. I get up at 6:30 to get my kids ready for school and by 10 I feel like I need a nap.  Our house is not DIRTY, but we do have 3 kids so it just needs some upkeep. It makes me so depressed. Depressed because I can't be the woman he wants and needs me to be. Depressed because I physically can't work to help with the bills. Depressed because any time I need something, I have to ask him to buy it for me. Depressed because I can't get approved for social security because I haven't been diagnosed with anything. I'm just DEPRESSED. Anyone who knows me knows that I always have a smile on my face. When I go to the doctor I have a smile on my face. I guess I'm good at hiding my pain because nobody knows what I've been going through. Has anyone been in this situation before? 

CountryGal22
CountryGal22
missbond many of us can relate to exactly what you are saying. I definitely can relate, too, to those that meds either don't work or someone is allergic to them as I have had serious side effects so I am left to suffer with a lot of the pain I have. I have almost died twice in my life and most recent was pouring blood 24/7 heavy at times couldn't eat and even sips of water would make me SCREAM in pain (I have many physical problems including Fibro) and only could hope the neighbors would not think someone was beating me up lol. It took me awhile to find a good doctor but I finally did but now he is retired so I am pretty much left on my own to deal with my physical problems. I do a lot of google searching for things that can safely help. As far as your hubby it makes me so upset when those that should understand what we are going through the most are sometimes the ones that understand the least :( I know only someone going through similar things as we do can really understand and relate but some families could do better! Please don't let him upset you. You know what you can and can't do and that is all that matters. Concentrate on you and I hope you get some answers soon and some safe help!
missbond1230
missbond1230
Thank you for your response. I try not to let him upset me, but every time he says something negative, I can literally feel it stabbing me in the heart. He always tells me to not let the pain take over but he doesn't understand when I tell him that I can't help that. We're going to start working out together soon. I hope I can do it as I hope it makes me feel even the slightest bit better. I have not had a pain free day in years.
Community LeaderLeo
Leo
The book "Fibro for Dummies" really helps us and our families. (As does dragging hubbies to doctor appts to let doctors explain thigns!)...
OK, when your husband says "Don't let the pain take over"? He's being ignorant at best, and please, tell him that. When you have neuromuscular disease of any kind, body-wide, like fibro, or ailments like lupus, RA, etc., yes, exercise helps but it has to be viewed this way:
You wake up feeling the way most people would after they did a day of Navy SEAL training. Your baseline is "exhaustion" of your *nerves* and *muscles*. This is not CHOICE. The starting point for any fibro or other similar pain patient, and I am quoting my rheumy, my neuro, and 20 years experience with fibro and relearning to walk on a busted-up pelvis without pain meds.... Your starting point? Is where other people *end*. So you have to start with five minutes, gentle, every other day... slowly ease your body into the idea that it's okay. You essentially have to re-train your body to accept movement, just as if you're relearning it from scratch after severe accdient (and I did have to relearn to walk so I know this analogy is apt).
Please, please, tell your husband he cannot assume this is your *choice*. This isn't about willpower. A bullet wound isn't. Cancer isn't. So why assume that of your ailment? YEah, see, that's where it breaks down a bit...

Much support to you and much hugs.

And if you can't tell, my hubby got dragged to my rheumy right quick about 20 years ago and told exactly why it was I was moving like I was 90 and not 25. Light dawned.
Community LeaderLeo
Leo
Sorry, I tend to write "hubby" by default. Partner, significant other, whatever you call the person, just... Blessings and luck to you, and keep us posted, okay? We here on Fibro are here. Daily check-ins to chat, grump, vent, ramble, whatever. Questions, answers, whatever. Been here since 2010, ain't gonna leave as long as I have internet!
missbond1230
missbond1230
Thank you for those analogies. I will definitely have to use them. Draggin himt o the doctor with me now is pointless because I have not been diagnosed yet. I had doctors tell me that I have bulging discs and pinched nerves but I shouldn't be in the amount of pain that I'm in. Like, how the hell do they know what I'm going through? That would just solidify his point that I'm fine. I'm kind of just sucking it up until I can be diagnosed because then he will have to accept that. This may sound horrible, but Sometimes I wish I had cancer or a horrible disease because at least it would be a diagnosis and he would leave me alone. I understand that he wants things a certain way but at what cost?
missbond1230
missbond1230
He has no physical situations to keep him from doing things yet he can't do anything without asking me. Making appointments, canceling appointments, getting food, his clothes for work etc. I'm like his assistant. I don't mind it,m because I love him, but to stil last me to do these things for u when u can clearly see that I'm in pain leads me to believe that he doesn't care about how I feel.
twinmomab
twinmomab
Tell your husband if he had a broken leg you would nottell him to just push through it. My husband is an ass, but luckily he has never made me feel lazy or said anything mean to me about keeping up with our house or not doing enough with our kids. In fact he does tell me how great of a mother I am and he understand my limitations when it comes to the house. However, he hates my anxiety and it causes huge fights between us. but anyways, your husband just doesn't understand what it's like to be in physical pain 24/7. Nobody will ever understand it until they are there. We have a disability and it was not our choice. We can not push through it! We are allowed to acknowledge when we are overwhelmed and tired. I would recommend a therapist if you can, and I'm praying you get that fibro diagnosis so you can buy that book and teach your husband about it so he will understand a little better. I hope things get better for you and you hear something soon from the rheumy.
PlainTired
PlainTired
I can offer no other words of wisdom than the ones already given you. I know exactly where you are and feel so for you. Know that you are in my prayers.
Community LeaderMid
Mid
When it comes to medical diagnosis for disability assessment, please have your mental health evaluation done and added to the application. The mental health of working with chronic pain fatigue and associated issues is often the part that is not seen by anyone other than people who deal with it. For me, I stopped answering the complaining, because he needs to vent, too, and as the primary care giver in the home, it falls to me when stuff needs to be done. As to getting the schedule arranged for his needs, he had to take that on himself. He said something, I responded, it's your need, and I can't answer the questions to get you the correct appointment. Daily schedule has rest time built in. Certain things are done in steps, and it gets done, just not fast. So, write out what the usual situation is when conversation gets ..., and look at ways to make it different that work with your schedule. Laundry, for me, means wash, sit, dry, sit, fold, sit, put away in sections and sit between. Clutter pick-up is a basket moving from room to room. (A friend uses a basket on wheels) This clutter pick-up is not every time, it's for when it looks like everything is everywhere. I hope you get help soon, and feel better soon.
countingmyblessings
countingmyblessings
Sweetie, God bless you for being brave enough to share here. I'm no genius, but I now finally know what love is. Found mine at 39, after LOTS of men, a filthy and degrading marriage and 4 beautiful but slightly screwed up kids. Somebody screaming at you to do, well, ANYTHING , is at the very least dysfunctional; and at worst, abuse. I hope you get help and an advocate, who can at the very least, try to talk to your man and make him understand. My youngest daughter is very far away ( many states) and in a similar situation. I just want to rescue you. Peace to you.
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