Hi Carina,

My mom has narcasistic personality disorder and this article is very interesting.

I'm going to cut and paste this article and send it to my NPD mom when I pay off a loan that she grudgingly let me do.

Problem is, she probably "won't get" that it's about her...
I have started to carry a copy around with me for the times when other people start to try to tell me how wonderful my mother is and how I am being harsh about her.

You are right.

My mom "won't get that she has a NPD! I'm not going to bother. I forgot that people with NPD
always believe they are right and everybody else is inferior.

You are right. They never get better! They have different brains than us. I'm sorry, you had to endure this with your mother, I too had to endure it as well. It was only years later, that I realized, no matter what I do, or say, it will never he right for her, good enough etc. It's not me, it's her.

The sad thing is, it's hard to not have a caring, loving, normal mother. Life is hard enough, but even harder when you have bascially no mother.

Thanks for sharing.

Oh gosh yes, my sister the NPD person thinks she is royalty, you should be honored if she even acknowledges you, and nothing you do is as good as what she does or has. She thinks you think that about yourself. She assumes I know this about myself, and don't bother competing, cause I just could never win. I could go on and on. Really sick, wierd ppl.

Hi Carina, thank you soooo much for posting this link. This IS my mother and it makes me feel sane to know that she has this disorder. I just can't quite figure out what happen to end up relatively normal!!

Oh my god... so much of this sounds like my mother! My brother was always the golden child... the only difference is that my mother wasn't abusive physically... it was verbally... Thanks so much for sharing that link... At this point in time, I've moved away from my mother, she was manipulating my kids and trying to turn them against me. Communication with my brother ceases about 5 years ago, and since last October, I am no longer speaking with my sister or mother. My dad passed away 13 years ago and it's really been since then that this has all started, just getting worse with each passing year.

Thanks again.

Hi,
My mother is the same, always wants to be in my life,not so bad now I'm older, but still have to play her game,always controled my life, and if we fell out she would try and use my sons to get to me. Like she was jealous of me, was not allowed to go out and enjoy myself.

My dad was as bad, and they both worship my sisters,they could do what they wanted and sill do worship my sister's. They all go away on holidays and days out but never ask my sons and I if we would like to go. She ask the doctor to terminate my first child said I was not capable of bring up a child. My second marrige, my husband beat me up and rape me several times, they took his side when I divourced him, and so on. Sorry about going on, just makes me so angry

thanks for the link it helped me understand my mom--though she is not diagnosed with NPD it fits her perfectly. This also helped me to realize I'm not the horrible one! This is changing my life! thank you!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for this article, it completely explains my mom.
It really helped me to read about how people dont believe it when a child complains about a narcissistic mother. Also, there was a part that said something like the personality of a four year old is not the fault of the child. I've always wondered if I was just born with a character flaw that my mother and no one else saw. This article explains so much. Thank you again for posting it!

Great article!

Something that I think can sometimes be missed is that this is just as bad for the "golden child" that the mother (or parent) chooses as their favorite. They are used as tools to further the parent's gain. They are often isolated so that the parent can get 'every last drop' of gain out of them, which means that they only know what that parent is teaching them as they grow up and as a result, learn to assist in the parent's actions. They also form unhealthy relationships and learn to isolate themselves from others. When (or if) they finally do realize what's going on, they find it difficult to create or fix relationships with siblings because of all the resentment over time. Add the almost inevitable guilt for 'not knowing what was going on and fixing it' that creates the "OMG what have I done!" moment, and the 'favorite' child can be just as damaged as the ones that were targets.

I've carried a copy of this with me over the past week and have underlined and highlighted so much. It was very painful to live in a relationship with any of my family members while thinking there was just something wrong with me. I went to counseling because of my estrangement with my narcissitic mother. I've been going for over two years. I couldn't understand that if I fixed everything about me then why couldn't the relationship work. Well BECAUSE the problem now is all with her. I can fix everything about me, but if she fixes nothing about her - then the relationship between us can't get better. AHA moment, then add this article and the BIGGEST AHA moment ever. Both of my older brothers have been used as the golden child. My oldest either will relish his role as golden child now while mother and I are estranged or he will wake up and see how he was used. He knows how very hurt I am about all of this. So we will see what direction he will take this. At other times, he was the scapegoat - but mostly the golden child. Mom created a very successful man out of her golden child. Me-I've been reeling in from the emotional abuse by the narcissitic mom. Oldest brother has placed distance in between he and mom because he was the scapegoat when mom benefitted from it. But NOW - I'm betting he jumps on the whole golden child role again. Mother has messed with all three of us kids minds ages: 41, 43, and 49. Thank you for sharing this article as I could not believe what I was reading as it matched mom so well. Its one thing to describe narcissism, but these example situations nailed it in for me. Not everything, but about 90% of it is as if taking chapters right of my book of life with my mother. I cry less knowing this. Thank YOU!

Um, yeah, thanks . . .

Gods, that describes not only my mother but to a greater extent my two older sisters. That's depressing. Fortunately my mother died before I could stop speaking to her, but my sisters are still alive and kicking and I no longer talk to either one That's just depressing as hell.

I agree, it is depressing. I no longer speak with my mother or sister. I just had to acknowledge that that part of my life is now over. I feel the loss and have done my share of mourning. But honestly, this is the best that I've felt about myself... ever.. I'm not constantly being put down, or compared to others (and always falling short) and the best part, I am no longer constantly defending myself. Hang in there.