Family Issues Support Group

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moving out

yellowly
yellowly

Hi all!


Want to ask for some advice how to start preparing to move out, how to ease that idea in to parents and family members who may be shocked I even had that desire... im really old enough to move out, planning to do that in 2019, and the complication is that there's so much guilt purchasing a pad for myself when my aging parent in their 70s are in a very old house. Also that would mean indirectly that they will be left with my sister and brother. In our house it's just hard to communicate. Scary in fact to open up about aspirations and dreams like wanting to live alone, buying your own place. our ties are so closely knit and Im the only one trying to set up clear boundaries. Enmeshment is sooo strong. What to do?

calirn13
calirn13
How old are you? How far away are you planning to move?
newstart4me2
newstart4me2
yes, how old are you ? if you are over 21, start buying thing for your new place & then explain when asked, that you are planning on moving out. Have your parents over for dinner, moving out is not a bad thing, it can be a new chapter & adventure for all of you.
yellowly
yellowly
omg -- im more than 30!
yellowly
yellowly
an hour away from home
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Is this your first time living away from home? I think at over 30, no one will be too surprised that you are exhibiting independence and wanting your own home. I would think your parents want that for you. Maybe they are used to having you around, but just break it to them a little at a time, and by next year all of you will be ready for you to move out. Just don't spring it on them. Start talking a little about moving out, now, and continue to mention it, so they can get used to the idea.
pd2012
pd2012
I would sit down with them and tell them that you're thinking of moving out on your own. I don't know what the circumstances are at 30 and living at home with your parents but I'm sure they won't be surprised or too shocked. They may even welcome the idea. You may find that they'll actually help you look for a place and get settled in.
zeezee
zeezee
Are you Asian like me? Because I would still be living with. my parents now if I hadn't been married! Some of my unmarried cousins still live with their parents and they're close to 50. Getting a place of our own when we're not yet married = no room for discussion!/Why rent when you can live here for free? (lol)

The talk will have to happen before you can even plan on looking at Zillow. Just express to them your strong desire to be independent (throw in a bunch of 'pros' about moving out if you can - closer to your job/ its an area you want to scope for a new house etc) An hour drive away is really not that far. At least you can still come over to see them a few times a month.

Good luck!
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