When I hear of a child molesting another child my biggest question is always where did they learn it from? Boys are less likely to talk about their abuse but I would still try to see where he is coming from. Chances are that he is a victim as well. Counseling is definitely a good way to go. Before all this I would have said to press charges but now that i really know what that all entails (registration and such) I'd wait to see if he was a victim as well. No matter what all parties will need help to heal.

Thank you for replying. He denies anything happening to him, but I think he is also a victim. I am beating myself up trying to think of when and where this could have happen to him. I am a SAHM, and they are home schooled. We plan on getting him to our family counselor as soon as we hear back from her. Will she have to notify the authorities due to the nature of his visit ? My husband talked to my son tonight letting him know the severity of what he did, and how it will affect the family. My son now knows he might be taken from our home. I think he is scared out of his wits, but he needs to know the consequences of his molesting his little sister. I am in prayer right now, lots of prayer.

The therapist will have to tell the authorizes. Be careful, please. What he did was wrong, but there is a very good chance that this mistake will turn into his defining moment that shapes him for the rest of his life.

How can I proceed with caution then? I do not want ruin his life, I want to seek help. I also want my daughter know we did right by her. Do I just see if was an isolated incident, which I cannot trust him again.......

Unfortunately with today's laws one does not have the opportunity to do the right thing for both of your children. If you send them (one or the other) to counseling it will surely ruin your son’s life forever. It does not give your daughter a way to truly heal because she will feel guilty (granted it is not her fault as the victim) for the rest of her life for telling and ruining her brother’s life. There is not any real good advice to give - mine would be to make absolutely sure of the facts before you do anything. In addition, tell no one until you are sure what you are going to do. Even people you think you can trust! Depending on what state you live in because it is his sister it is likely your son would be designated as a predator not just an offender. Do not think even for a second that being a minor will make a difference - sex offender’s laws treat everyone the same. If you think your son was molested I would make a real effort to find out who his molester was – look close to home – friends, relatives. etc. Very few people are molested by strangers. If that molester is punished it can help both your children heal. Are you sure that same person was not the one who molested your daughter and she was afraid to tell on them? These are all things to consider before making any decisions.

I agree.
A child can act out the abuse on others to show what they are going through. As a way of telling someone what is happening to them.

No my son admitted what he did, no guessing, we are sure.

All I can say is, "Thank You!" for not calling your son a monster. yes, he needs help, and therapy and for someone to look into why he's done this. What he did is no doubt wrong, but he isn't a monster to be put away and forgotten about, he isn't less than human or worth less than your other children.
You'd be surprised how many "parents" just write the offending child off.
I will never understand that.
And I agree that often a child will "act out" abuse they have experienced. To me, it's a cry for help
Regardless, it's a cry for help

No, my son is not a monster, thank you. He is a list little boy right now. He is very immature, and leads a very sheltered life. I just wish there was a way I could get him the help he needs without ruining his life. Still waiting on a call from our family therapist. Can I on my own put him into a juvinile sex offender treatment program?

Lynn,

If you go to a therapist, counselor, or anyone else who is licensed in the mental health field, they are mandated by law to report this incident to law enforcement.

KEEP LAW ENFORCEMENT OUT OF THIS!!!!!! Trust me, getting law enforcement involved will just open another can of worms. If you think you have problems now, you have not even seen problems until the cops get involved.

The legal authorities ARE NOT your friend. They do not give a damn about your daughter, your son, or your daughter.

IT IS ALWAYS A BIG MISTAKE TO GET THE COPS INVOLVED.

If they get involved, your son will probably be adjudicated for the incident and will intimately be a sex offender, possibly on the public registry, with all the rules and stipulations other sex offenders deal with.

You sure as hell DO NOT want a family member on the sex offender registry.

If there is any way possible, this needs to be kept within the family, and handled by the family. Is there possibly a person you trust who does not have a medical license that you might talk to?

The law in most states obligate a licensed therapist or psychologist (also medical doctor) to report any suspected abuse, but that same law does not state that "trusting friends" or a family member who might have some experience in counseling must report anything.

Yes, your son needs help; your daughter needs help. But not the kind of help the authorities will give. That is not help.

Here is what I would do----I would retain an attorney. The only two states that I know for sure that require an attorney to reports suspected child abuse, Texas and Mississippi. Most state statutes do not mention or exclude attorneys for reporting abuse.

Hiring an attorney will give you some protection with the attorney-client privilege. This privilege is one of the cornerstones of the legal profession, and I don't think any law can force this to be breached. An attorney could never effectively represent his client if his client feared telling details to the attorney for fear of rebuttal.

I believe the attorney-client privilege would out weigh any requirement that the lawyer would have to report the crime.

I am not a lawyer, so if anyone else here can weigh in, by all means please do. But I think my reasoning is based on sound legal principles.

Make sure you RETAIN the lawyer so he will be bound by the attorney-client privilege.

This is a very complicated dilemma and hiring a lawyer will be your best course of action. Relate to him all the facts and ask him for advice.

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To add to my pervious post: it appears that, in a few states and under certain circumstances, a lawyer may be compelled to report child abuse. So apparently the laws have changed somewhat.

I still say that retaining an attorney to represent your family is the only feasible solution. To be safe, I would choose a good lawyer (word of mouth is always good), call him up, and just lay the cards out on the table before retaining him.

I would not mention names or the fact that your son or daughter is involved just yet. I would tell him that there is some suspected child abuse within the family, and ask him if he is compelled to disclose anything you tell him regarding that abuse if you retain him. That is the only way I know to handle it.

I just cannot imagine that the courts would force an attorney to breach the attorney-client privilege in this case. It is true that an attorney must report it if a defendant tells him he is planning a crime, but in this case I would think you would be covered by the privilege.

We sure need AdamParker to read this, as he is indeed an attorney. He could give you better advice than I can.

rewdiazepam

Thank you. I am still waiting and have not talked to a therapist. I will go the lawyer route also.

REWDIAZ THANK YOU! We have decided to deal with this with in the family. We are going to search high and low and find someone who can give our son the help he needs without involving authorities. My son is immature. His knowledge of sex up until now is the basic, he is homeschooling, and I truly feel that this is one of those hormone surges, stupid yes, but I do not think this is a pattern. As for my daughter, she is young, seems unbiased. She is young enough where I do not think she will remember the actual event. We will make sure she gets the counseling she needs also. Just now have to seek the help we need with in a safe environment. Any suggestions from anyone will be so helpful.

We would like to do this with in a Christian setting if we can.

Lynn I know of some pastors that offer counseling...I am not for sure on this so please do some research first, but I don't think spiritual leaders are required to report to the authorities, unless they have a license to practice. You may try checking into if any churches near you have pastors that do counseling but do not have a license and if they are required to report to authorities. It might take some digging on your part to learn the laws of your state, but it's worth a shot.

Aside from that.....I just wanted to say I am so so so sorry that your family is having to go through this. Your strength of deciding not to go to the authorities with it is admirable, because it shows you really care about your children, and you're not just giving the problem away to the law to handle. I wish I could say that the law would do right by all of you....but it won't. The umbrella of who is a sex offender is too large and once those two words get brought up, your son would be stigmatized and no one would see him for anything else besides an offender. (((hugs))) to all of you and I will keep you in my prayers that the Lord gives you guidance and peace and understanding and His will be done.