Families of SOs Community Group
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I just found out today that my 13 year-old son molest my daughter. From what we can find out it has happen twice. We want to do what is right for both our children. We are waiting on a call from a therapist friend. I want to get my daughter the counseling and help she needs. From everything I have read it is vital that we get our son the treatment he needs now while he is young. To our knowledge these are the only incidents and she is the only victim. I am struggling with walking that fine line of my son getting the help he needs, hopefully without him being taken away from us. We plan on getting counseling for him, family therapy, and treatment center if needed for my son. I also want to do right by my daughter who is the victim. I want her to know that we put her first and took care of her needs in all of this. My family is falling apart and I do not know where to even go with this. My son and husband have left the home for the time being. My daughter, other son and I are at the house. Help!!! Any advise would help.
I do suggest another support site for you - it called conductdisorders.com -
I wish you and your family the best
Warning about going a Christian route. My husband did exactly what your son did. He went and told his pastor to find help in stopping his problem and despite finding nothing but care and support from the pastor, he had to tell authorities. Although he was not an adult they treated him like one. He was sent off to do time, tried like an adult, and put on the public registry. That will ruin everything! Being on the registry is a complete disaster. Run from it if you can.
That's very strong of you to at least try to keep it in the family. I also have advice on that. Involve EVERYONE in that immediate family and the extended family that is very close to you and is frequently with you. Everyone needs the healing trust me. And please I beg of you involve those who come into the family. I have never had the chance to have healing of my own on this subject. My inlaws don't talk about it with me. It's like some sort crime to mention it. All I ever get to see or hear is them do is hide their children from my husband and I. I see them glare at me, I know they talk about me behind our backs and it's all because we can't talk about it. And because I can't talk about it - all I can do is think that they think the worst of me and my husband. And all I get to do is be angry about it and hate myself and hate them. Including the victim. (Which is horrible of me I know, but if someone would just talk to me about it!! Ugh!)
Also, in addition to looking to see if your son was being abused, look to see if he was hiding an addiction. An addiction to pornography or masturbation could definitely set something like that off. It would probably be very hard for him to admit to something like that though. But just let him know that you love him no matter what and you just need to know everything so that you may help him in the best way possible. Do not shun him for anything he did.
My husband is reading this and he wants to let you know to put your daughter first. If, after you have tried EVERYTHING you possibly can, and your daughter still isn't healing, then a therapist should be involved even if it means the courts, the registry, and all the hell involved with it. It is better to have her heal and be able to move on.
Keep us updated Lynn and know that we are all praying for you and your family. Hugs
You have two children who need help...and as soon as possible. Look for an attorney who has plenty of experience in Juvenile Justice in your jurisdiction. Borrow money for the retainer if you have to. Your children are worth it.
And, don't forget. No matter what society may tell you, they are equally deserving of your love and respect.
Best wishes to you!