Hello,

I am going to meet my therapist by telehealth in about an hour.  I'm still homebound and injured, so I really hope that this therapist can help me. The depression has set back in.  I avoid doing nearly anything as it simply takes forever.  I don't take a bath as often as I should, maybe a few days a week, because it's so much effort.  I stay up all night and sleep during the day.

Anyway, I at least need to wash my face before I meet my therapist for telehealth.  I was up all night last night. I hate sleeping during the day, but I'm kind of falling into this rut. I really should have taken a bath during day hours as it gets pretty cold here at night.  I guess I will have to turn on the heat. 

Anyway, I'm in a lot of turmoil because of this.  I did at least manage to start working on my resume and pulled together my LinkedIn.  I had intended to respond to a couple of jobs on one remote site, as I can't picture myself going at working at my current job-which is all walking and standing. The most distressing part of this is not being able to go to work.

On another note, I just want to remove someone from social media.  It is really the reason that I went to IOP last year, because this "chosen family" that said that their door was always open for me because my family is dysfunctional has slammed the door on me. I know this has nothing to do with what I just wrote, but...basically after I started going back to school and bettering my life, they started treating me like absolute garbage. Just being extremely rude to me, excluding me. They were adamant that I date their friend who is twice their age. When I wouldn't, turned on me.

In IOP we basically worked this thing out.  They were basically lying to me and acting hot and cold. For several years I spent the holidays over there. After I started leveling up and improving my life I got excluded from holidays too.  I get a random text from them every couple months or so, with stupid things, like inviting me to their dog's birthday after ignoring me for months. Mutual friends of theirs will invite me to get togethers. I never go because I'm not going to open this door for them.

I really have moved on, I spend the holidays with my own family or elsewhere now.  I graduated.  I guess the trigger was that I saw the post of them having Christmas like we used to-everyone was invited but me.  I am just infuriated that because I wouldn't bend to their will and start sleeping with their friend that they cut me off. They had an ulterior motive the whole time. I was dumped when they didn't get what they wanted. I had determined in IOP that they were more dysfunctional than my own family.  My former therapist said that the situation was "giving Jeffery Epstein," which it was. There were several creepy men there and one of them attempted to SA a 19- year old woman there in their spare bedroom-that's when this entire situation fell apart. They kept ensuring me everything was "safe" over there, but it never got better. I came to realize maybe these repeated SA attempts may have been socially engineered so that they could more easily take place with alcohol and other compromising surroundings. I had woken up after a nap to find someone standing breathing over me one time.  

I believe nothing that comes from their mouths anymore. I would sooner be alone than have anything to do with them. I don't know what keeps me from pulling that final plug-taking this a**hole off of social media.  I've blocked them on phone and messenger.  I guess I am worried about the repercussions or others in the social network reacting and it being a problem for me-them becoming irate and calling me ungrateful, etc. after all the years I spent there.  I always wondered why his own kids wouldn't talk to them.