I'm working a lot in therapy on boundaries, etc.  One of the things that I am working on is having my own life, not having codependency issues with others, where people are super dependent on me and vice-versa.  Included with that has been putting distance in between myself and a group of girlfriends who I feel have become somewhat negative and dramatic.  I've outdone myself in making new friends and more diverse connections, where I did not think I previously could, and my life is expanding.  I've not wanted to end my relationships completely with this group, but have just maintained a more distant connection with one or two individuals in it.  I feel there has been enmeshment, to put it bluntly.

One of the things that I didn't tell them right off was that I will be going to Europe as my graduation present to myself.  There are a few extremely controlling and self-centered people in this group, who seem to feel entitled to everything that I do and that I am, to the point where I felt I had no identity.  For several weeks I told no one, not even my family.  I'm not going to say anything until it gets closer to the trip.  Some people in m life seem incredibly threatened by my having any kind of life outside of them.  I will not be bringing any of them on this trip as I can't deal with the dramatics and I'm not interested.  There are days I can barely tolerate two hours with some of these people so it won't work for a week! 

I wanted to tell at least someone, so I told *one* of my good friends.  Her immediate response was, "Oh no, Teri is going to s*** a brick that she's not invited."  Not, 'wow that's great, I"m happy for you," but, "so and so will be furious."  Exactly what I was worried about and why I don't reciprocate some of these relationships. It's like you always have to face the wrath or temper tantrum of someone. 

I immediately regretted saying anything.  I hardly know Teri, and to me she is just pushy and overwhelming. She's been planning to move to our city for years and make all of us "her family." I don't know her that well.  I think her first goal in trying to get to know me over zoom was to move into my house.  I dodged that-and now she will promptly be moving into my friend's house- and staying indefinitely.  She also plans to quit her job shortly thereafter, which should be really interesting. 

I really didn't like this reaction.  It's one of the reasons I'm tired of hanging out with them and making new friends. There is always a drama or meltdown when someone does not get their way. Things revolve around *them* and whatever they want.  Didn't anyone think for a second I'm taking this trip because I want to, becuase it's MY graduation and MY present to myself? The only reason someone would be disappointed about this is because they felt entitled to this trip as if it was their own. I find it offensive, especially for someone I don't know that well.  I sure as hell don't want her moving into my house and quitting her job right after, and making me her entire life and "family." I'm not dropping everything for this person.

  Plus I don't like it when people that feel more like acquaintance start telling me I'm "their family." It seems disingenuous and cloying, and from many people in my life who have claimed that they were "family" and "like family" they were anything but and typically had something to gain or an ulterior motive.  This person overwhelms me and I don't totally trust her.  To be blunt, "if I wanted to, I would." I don't really reciprocate to her, I feel like I'm being "love bombed" by this person. I think she needs to ger her own life.  I dont' think she should expect that I'm dropping everything because she decided to move here. That was her decision. I also feel some judgment of her, I perceive her as abandoning her own family, which is my judgment. Maybe I'm projecting because I was out of contact with my own family and in a sense I have done some of my own abandoning, so it's like a mirror.  I don't want to hear about her dysfunctional family, as mine is too. I don' t have the bandwith for it.  I don't get her hell-bent need to dump her family and replace them with us. It feels like a role that I don't want to be put in, I don't want to have the obligation of being a 'family member' to her as that entails obligation.  To me, making friends is gradual and reciprocal without too much expectation. This feels really heavy. 

Anyway, I think I'm feeling salty. I've had a salty day, just feeling off.  I almost had a bad car accident today. The insurance company has denied the appeal for my migraine meds so I'm in pain.  I think I should take my psych meds, or a higher dose of my seroquel and try to get some sleep and go to my meditation class. I'm feeling very intensely emotional and off center, and my anger is piqued.  Maybe it's a variety of stressors. I've been uneasy about her moving here, I feel intuitively that she has an agenda and I usually am correct in my intuition. Just saying.