I am at the end of my string with life. I was in school to become a pilot, and did modeling on the side. I gave up my dream when I joined the army.  About 1 year in I had an ectopic pregnancy. I took it hard having to get the methotrexate shot and wishing I could die instead of my baby. I was sent back to work after the shot, and my staff was cocking us hard.. I was on medication and my dead baby was still inside me. The first shots didnt work and I was sent back for a round 2 of the shot. In that time My warrant forced me to do a ruck march and humiliated me infront of my coworkers. I blacked out and the master bombadier (I was Artillery) kept yelling at me. Eventually I responded in a bitchy voice "yes master bombadier" anyways during my blackout I was zoned out completely to my warrant yelling for me to stop and listen to him. Then he pulled me by my ruck sack and slammed me on the cement pathway. He then took me to mental health, and my doctor who I absolutely hate shared my personal medical files with the Warrant which is very clearly illegal. Anyways time goes on He ends up charging me with insubordination for my actions while he tortured me with my dead baby inside me slowly dying. I couldn't do anything about it because I was a Private. So I did therapy and it was going horribly, I wanted to commit suicide almost daily. I ended up releasing from the army to take a year off, and I was informed I could rejoin when the year off was done, I would not be stopped from rejoining, I made that very clear that thats what I wanted to do. So a year goes past... I go throught the rejoining process and all goes well until I get denied because of my medical mental state... keep in mind I took the appropriate actions by seeing a doctor who cleared my mental state. BUT I was still denied to re start my career. I have 2 kids, no job, child support doesn't exactly come in as for the $12,100 in arrears he had. I cut all ties with the people I knew from modeling, flying, the army, just everything and became alone. I don't exactly have anything going for me anymore just complete depression because I can't give my family the world. No I was not medically released which is really messed up for me not being able to rejoin. So I am hoping my medical will not affect trying to redo my pilot license. Because if the army fucked that up too I might as well be dead. NOTHING seems to make life better. I can ask friends if they want to go for coffee and no one will respond. I need a new groupd of friends because right now I feel like I have no one to turn to, no one to hang out with, no one to listen. I just hurt inside. I guess what I am trying to say is I need some guidence to et my life back on track.