Please, if you can't read all these comments, accept the melody they are all saying. If you must send your children to a different place, then that is OK! My family took in a neighbor's son for an extended period of time when his mother was not well. (Their other 2 children were old enough to be watched by neighbors during the day and the dad at night.)

After your children are taken care of, then please look into voluntary commitment.

Gentle hugs

1-800-273-8255

That's the national suicide prevention number!!

Please call it before doing anything else.

You have a life to live and a story to tell. You're doing much better than you think. And you are so valuable and worthy of care.

Deep breaths and take time to give yourself what you need. Relax. Breathe. And call that suicide hotline number if you're still feeling bad <3

A 7 story building may not be high enough. You could get maimed for life, rather than dead, and that would suck worse than what you are going through!

As hard as it is, you need to reach out somewhere like a professional or church councilor. Who are you planning to sign children over to? Will they be well taken care of? If so, then the time is perfect to work on your own issues and battle this thing out.

There is still time to alter, reverse, overcome, improve circumstances in your life. Death is final. No options left after that. Take heretoheal's advice. Call the Suicide Hotline. You are not alone. Many people have been where you are and help is available. Use it. Your life matters.

What about your girls growing up without a mother? Do you really want to rob them of that bond all because you want to end it all? Get help for yourself and them.

i had a friend who we found out was suicidal. my friends who knew did everything they possibly could to keep him from fulfilling that wish. therapy. medication. 24 hour watch w/other friends. everything. finally, they packed him up and drove him 8 hours away from his home to his parents house. he died there.

the only thing that kept me alive, was my kids. and my then husband who didn't and doesn't understand depression kept trying to take them away. amen we all survived. my children are good kids.

I had to start by owning my stuff though. the guilt and shame was overwhelming. and today I look back at what got me there, and about 70% of it was not on me. I had bad things happen, and I hunkered down, not double'd down. and I made bad decisions based on those bad things. and I was ashamed. and I shouldn't have been. I was the victim. and I had to look at it for what it really was, and make sure that I wasn't making my children victims, by my feelings and actions. I HAD to raise them to be strong, capable, women. I had to.

in my case, I was selfish. and my stays in the hospital at the most critical of times in my children's growing, prevented that mother daughter bond. I will never get those days back. you have time. please please please don't make the same mistakes I did.

Please get help listen to all above we are all here to help each other so give us a go. YOUR kids NEED you please think of them. They really really DO need you. Get help NOW please. Take Care

don't do it. life is never change even you do it. just try to look another sides of life. doing happy things and forget what happened in the past. don't stay in negative mind. stay strong and believe with boloved people around you. :)

I'm sure there are many people in this forum, on this site, in the world, that would love to just fold up and die sometimes. In the end, it's a choice everyone makes, I suppose. However, my belief is that when you've made a conscious decision to bring children into this world you are no longer living for you and your selfish desires only. You are under moral obligation to do what is best for your children, plain and simple. Get yourself some help. My thought is that you really don't want to die, you just want the pain to stop. It's do-able, you just have to be patient and have a bit of resilience when trying to find the right treatment for you. As someone suggested, give up custody of your kids temporarily if you have to and focus on yourself. But don't damage your kids permanently by taking their mother away. It's a short-sighted solution to a fixable problem.

Sounds like you need a break. How about taking a vacation for a couple days somewhere that you would think would be relaxing. Screw how much it costs, just do it! Better to be in some debt than kill yourself. Just sounds like you are stuck in a rut and as long as you are in this rut you cannot see anything else but suicide, which is NOT the answer.

I'm still here everyone. I appreciate everyone who has responded to my cry for help.

Those wondering what in the hell is my problems are well:
1. My husband seperated from me after 5 yrs of marriage and 9 yrs old of knowing him, to him falling out of love with me.
2. My husband lack of parental responsibility. And shutting our kids out of his life.
3. Alot of old memories came back causing me to have PTSD, so basically I have alot of triggers right.
4. Not being able to care for my girls due to this depression. And alot of doubt of whether or I not I can manage to take care of them.
5. Being judged and condemn by my friends and family for being an unfit mother and a chappy wife.
These are just the outlines key bulletin of what been going on. There is alot of emotional background to them all.

Something wonderful happen yesterday. I found out people's who have been giving me so much crap about my depression is actually rooting for me. It was eye opening knowing they knew why I had been feeling so crazy these last few months. My best friend who I hadn't talk much to since me and my husband are mutual friends finally talked to me last night. And she told me to stop protecting John (who is or should I say was my husband) from looking bad. Which I've been trying to do. But it's hard because I'm that kind of person. I'm not saying I'm doing great, I'm not. I have alot of fears of whether or not I'll will be able to pull myself out of this funk. 1 of the reason why I was adopting my girls out was because I felt like the only reason I would be living is because I had them. I don't want to use them as a crutch. Of course when I told my BF about that she says why not? It's a purpose. So what I'm trying to says in a nut she'll is: I'm going to give living another chance, get stable and get my oldest back. But if I fail at least I have a plan made up.

Thanks again everyone. I have a hard time opening up and letting people in. I'm trying. I have some that I have tried and they judged me and made me feel even more worthless. But I'm trying..

Live today. You have kids?? Use them as motivation and will to live. No matter what our kids need us. They won't understand why you left. Ever. Seek help friends, family, professionals whatever you have seek it now.

Oh sweetie, please don't do this. You are planning a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You will never see your babies grow up have babies of their own, get married, graduate high school. Your best years could just be starting, your just tired right now. I made plans once, was going to take a bunch of pills on a certain day at a certain time so no one would find me until it was too late. I am a Christian but at the time I was a very depressed one. I was mad at God and the world, what did I do to deserve all this pain? I didn't even know who I was anymore. The night before the day I had made my plans, my daughter called me and asked me to make her an appointment with my OB/GYN because she was pregnant!! Wow....God knocked my socks off, I couldn't do this now......my daughter would need me and this sweet precious baby might just need me too. Last May I went to that precious grandson's high school graduation. I have 2 grandson's and I granddaughter now. I also found my long lost love after 30 years and we are now married and live very happily on a 100 acre cattle ranch. So, wait.......just wait.......look at your babies really hard and you can see the future in their eyes. Please find you a therapist, there should be a mental health clinic in your area. I did and was diagnosed with PTSD because of the abuse I had taken for 28 years of a very abusive marriage. Go do something for someone else, help them.....smile.....we never know who we might influence or cause them to "wait" one more day. I will be praying for you and your babies. Please let us know if you are okay!

I guess you & I were writing at the same time. Gosh, strange how people can come together as strangers yet have so much in common. Girl, don't let this defeat you. You are stronger than you think. So glad your still here!!!

I was just at the same moment in time you are... a friend told me how she felt I didn't look foreword to tomorrow, yet getting my head out of those thoughts as well is not easy... I do look foreword to tomorrow, just not as much as some other things...

Ideation can be about all sorts of things, I felt more comfortable after I took the time to think about some things near and far... I did have a mental block for 36 hours in ideation... life is complicated, sometimes you need to realize that friends are just trying to advise you, relax and take some time to yourself,to gather the joys that may not be just in your sights... if you wish to speak more, I wish I had someone offer the same courtesy to me...