Nice post. On the subject of love, I think one has to first define it. For me, it is when someone's happiness give me happiness ... including myself. Now that I think I know what it is, I can give it to others, .. which brings it back to me. That's a lot of happiness going around.

I used to define love as putting someone else's needs/wishes etc. first. Now I define it as valuing someone's needs/desires. Probably not just that but really a collection of positive things. If love was the same as valuing, it wouldn't need a different word, would it?

Hi TO. I think this is a great post and, hopefully, many will contribute and be encouraged by it.

As for me, I totally agree that it is wrong to define ourselves by our achievements - men are particularly bad at that, especially when meeting somebody new, with the first question usually being "So, what do you do for a living...?"

So, I believe the first step is to identify (with ourselves) who we 'are' - our values, belief systems etc. - not what we 'do.' However, I think there's a fundamental step between that self-identification and being able to love ourselves, and that step is 'acceptance.' It is only by reaching that place of acceptance (faults and all) that we can start to self-embrace and begin to love ourselves, not because of what we 'do,' but simply because we 'are.'

Next comment please...

Defining ourselves by our achievements also means we end up defining ourselves by our failures. And I suppose that's what leads us to feel like we're not worth much if we haven't achieved anything "worthwhile."

I think that's a big part of why I've felt so worthless in recent times. Because I have failed at everything I've ever done.

I also do think love and values go hand in hand. Maybe they're not the same thing, but if love is something that makes it onto your list of priorities, you understand what it means to value it. And valuing something means that you understand the pain and struggle that comes with it - that you're willing to endure because that's how important it is to you. Whatever you're willing to work for - whether it be a dream, a career, a relationship, a goal - it's vital to examine why you're working so hard for it, why you value that dream or that person or that career destination so much, because it makes you appreciate the process. If you have no love for the process and no desire to endure the struggles, and you only want the outcome, maybe it's a sign that you're placing value in the wrong things.

You have to love it all. Even the ugly parts of the process, even the unpleasant parts. You have to be invested in the fight.

And maybe that's why so many of us are still here, still talking about it, still asking these questions, still interested in figuring it out.

Maybe this is the ugly part of the process.

The rubble we're all buried under and fighting our way out of.

Because somewhere we still know that we're capable of loving ourselves, and we value our own lives more than we think.

And the dark times, the times of self-loathing, the times where we feel like failures, the times where we reach out and try so fucking hard to understand...

Maybe that's us loving the struggles that come on the way to the destination of loving ourselves and finally being happy with where we are in our lives.

Everything involves struggle.

Embrace it, or you'll never complete the process.

And you deserve that. We all do.

Self Love comes from the Value you have for yourself. You are taught that value at a very young age. People who are not taught that they have value then must resort to finding value from their own accomplishments or from outside relationships.

Thank you so much for this post and all the support and encouragement comments! I've been going through some things and this post hit home!

I believe that if we take competition and others views out of the equation, then we can see ourselves as valuable and lovable. Values can be set on things, but not on people. If we believe that we are fine just the way we are, we can strive to do things/accomplish things, but there is nobody at the top or the bottom. Just all of us sitting around the table of life. Hugs.

I agree with TotalRegret, Our values and belief systems are the major source of who we are and how we see ourselves. This is how that belief system plays out for me. I have value because I believe I am made in the image of God. That belief demands that I respect myself. I also believe that He loves me with all my failures and accomplishments. This leads to the fact that other people are in the same situation as I am in: Made in God's image and worthy of respect and love for that reason. The fact that this intrinsic worth is not dependent on my actions relieves the pressure and frees me up to live and act. Of course there is a lot more to it than that, but that is the part that shows me that I and other people have a basic worth.

I wish Dailystrength had an option to bookmark posts, because I really like the discussion going on here :)

Everyone perceives things very differently. I’m sure if someone else was in my shoes they would say it’s not so bad and vice versa. Perception is a big thing in life. I was reading this article about humans and evolution and stuff like that. Basically that human nature is just the basics of survival eating sleeping procreation. It’s the things that make us civilized that cause most of our problems. relationships, work, school. It made me wonder if cave men and women ever got depressed. As technology progresses do more people suffer anxiety and depression. I can see how something as simple as a car has helped us so much, yet can be a source of negativity. The want of one and the pressure we put on ourselves to get one. The jealousy of the neighbors.

My achievements on the outside are things like exams and even though ice always done ok with them I don't really like it when I get judged that way because I want people to like me because I'm nice. I have personal things I want to achieve which other people don't know about because they are embarrassing and private so nobody except family can know how well I'm doing. So I think that the things others see are just superficial even though obviously I want to be good at them. But my own private stuff is more important to me.