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Self-harm/change I cannot control

Scout21
Scout21

I have an eating disorder. The past few weeks I have been from 77lbs to suddenly being 81lbs. This is good, but I am angry and upset. I once had control, and now suddenly I don't, and it's making me cope in very unhealthy ways. My eating habit hasn't changed that much, so what happenend.


So I cut as a form of punishment.


If I can't control the weight I want, then I don't have control of anything anymore. 


The reality of what I have become is disturbing and, sad.  

Tired
Tired
Can you get help? A therapist would be best. Join a eating
disorder group.
GreenEyes727
GreenEyes727
I'm sorry that you are self-punishing. i have gained a few pounds that i can't get rid of but I think I actually look better. 81 is not high enough of a weight for an adult. Stop punishing yourself.
touchedbythesun
touchedbythesun
Sent you a message
billwfriend
billwfriend
Talk with thechickenchronicals.....she has eating disorder and maybe the two of you can bond....cutting is not good you can get a fatal infection.
Scout21
Scout21
I am seeing a therapist, dietitian, and attending eating disorder groups
adriasm
adriasm
I hope you can work through the things that are driving the control.
Do you have any hobbies that help distract from thinking about these things? It is ironic how when we seek so much control that on that path we actually lose control. I hope you can find peace. Stay strong.
hasty_05
hasty_05
I wish you the best and hope you can figure out other ways to heal the need for control. Do you pray the Serenity Prayer? I wish for you to get to a healthy weight and stick around. You are a valuable human being and keep pushing yourself to heal. Our feelings are natural but feelings are not facts. Facts are facts.

What is it you really want to control? Your home life? Past things that happened to you?
GreenEyes727
GreenEyes727
Good morning Scout. I see that you are doing a lot of self-help and that's wonderful.
Maxi18
Maxi18
Hi Scout , Decades ago I had an eating disorder. I understand how you are feeling. I did not have all the resources that you are making use of . I commend you on doing all the self help you are. I went through mine by myself basically . For myself it was a process of me realizing to accept things I could not change and letting go of trying to expect things to be a certain way. I hope and pray you will find another outlet than cutting . You deserve much better .
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