Hey there,

Thanks so much for reaching out. It saddens me to hear you're struggling at the moment. I hear how hopeless, desperate, and isolated you feel, and how hard you have tried to hide all of that. That sounds utterly exhausting.

A big move like you made last year is stressful and difficult to adjust to for most people - it is often hard to leave a familiar place, leave behind family and friends, and build up a new social circle in your new town. I hear how the anxiety you experience has made this adjustment even more difficult, and am so sorry you are feeling so lonely. Loneliness is such a difficult feeling to deal with - so very painful.

I wish I had helpful advice on how to make these feelings go away. I was happy to read that you are working with a psychiatrist, though. Has that been helpful? I am also wondering if you are seeing a therapist in town, or if that is something you have considered. You mentioned you are considering inpatient treatment to get some intense therapy. It sounds like maybe you have done this before? Was it helpful for you? I think a good inpatient program, with well-seasoned staff and good therapies, could potentially be really helpful in helping you break out of the cycle it sounds like you've been in, and setting up a plan moving forward.

I hope that your appointment with your psychiatrist tomorrow goes well, and that you are able to talk some about potential next steps to get you to feeling better. Please keep us posted. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

I'm so sorry about the rough time your experiencing love. I feel your pain. I moved here to Fl about 5 years ago from Ohio. Had a lot of lonely moments. So here where your coming from.

I joined up with many Meetup.com groups and there's a variety of different ones depends on what your interest are. If you like to dance, sing, go out for lunch, like cats There's all kinds of meetups to be a part of others.

It's a natural thing to want connection so force yourself to meet at least one group once a month or by weekly.

My counselor provided me with a lot of helpful information and gave me a different perspective when I was going through that rough period of my life.

We're here for you. Best Wishes........ Here's to Living your life like its Golden. You have one life to live. Do what you need to do to get back on your feet and then start experiencing things that make you happy!

Certainly getting in touch with the right professional people is your first priority. But as to your husband, I don't think it would be bad to talk to him, but consider these guidelines,

1. Be clear you're not blaming him.

2. Make some clear suggestions. Honey, would it be all right to go out perhaps Tuesday night. As someone who does watch sports, make it clear its all right for him to block out a night, if Tuesday's not good, Wednesday would be fine.

3. A candid assessment Rather than becoming profoundly depressed, can you discuss the fact that this may not have been the best decision. When I was young, we moved to a new area, my mom was miserable, I didn't particularly like it, but we stayed. When my mom moved to another area, she was much happier and in retrospect, we should have moved earlier.

A house does not have to be on the beach. Is it possible to spend some of your time in Pa. Could you be snowbirds with a small house in Pa and Fl for just a few months.

I think you should be able to talk, with the caution of not blaming him. Women can be extremely self-critical- I can believe how bad I look, how much weight I gained, what I did wrong, but there can be a tendency to switch from self-criticism to similar assessment of others.

Note some communities can be more welcoming and places like the Villages seem particularly friendly.

Thank you so much for your understanding and kind words. I know it takes a while the adjust to a big move like we made, and it’s only been 5 months. The first month was great with setting up the new house and such, but that was fleeting and now (it sounds ridiculous) just wander around this home that I made perfect for us staring at the walls and feeling nothing but loneliness because I really have no one to share it with. To make it worse, my in-laws live in the next house down the road and it’s like I don’t even exist unless my husband is home... it’s very hurtful because I have tried so hard to be a good wife to their son, a nice person to them, and a considerate neighbor. Anyway, thank you for your suggestions. I will definitely look into finding something to do outside the house except for running errands and going to sit (alone) at the beach. I did recently volunteer at a local animal shelter to play with the dogs and cats and offer them some love and human interaction. There were some issues there, but perhaps I will give it another try. I pray that my appointment goes well tomorrow. Being new to the area, this is only my second time seeing him and I still haven’t created that trust and bond that I had with my previous doctor. I also reached out to my church family, without getting into all the details, and they are all being very supportive. Plus my husband got me to eat when he came home. It was only some turkey wrapped in lettuce (I also suffer from body dysmorphic disorder) but al least it was something. I am very glad to have found this group because not everyone understands depression and think it’s a “mood” and you can just snap out of it. Thank you again and God bless

To Bobby5000,
Thank you for your input and you raise some good points I used to enjoy sports as well, but have lost interest over the years with so many things that I believe to be more important like family and trying to stay in shape. But I certainly don’t blame him for my depression and have forgiven him for his indiscretions after much time, couples counseling, and prayer. This depression is a disease and I try to treat it as such by taking my medication and following up with my psychiatrist at regular intervals.
As far as moving again, I don’t think I can go through that again. It was physically and mentally overwhelming. I have been back to PA to send my 5-year-old granddaughter off for her very first day of school, and stayed for 10 days. Also my best friend of 34 years came down for a visit. She could only stay for 5 days, but they were wonderful. I know I just need to give it more time to adjust, but I figured it was better to talk about it with others with the same infliction rather than push it way down inside like I usually do, and then eventually end up with another day like this. It’s hard for me to talk to talk to my husband sometimes because I don’t want to add any more stress to his already busy schedule. So in protecting him, I’m hurting myself... but that’s just how I am. I find it easier to hide behind a smile than bother others with my issues. So easier, but just not healthier. What can I say, I’m a work in progress at this point.
Thank you again for your suggestions and have a good night.

I can't imagine moving so far away from my family and friends. I had problems just moving from North Jersey to South Jersey. It does take time to adjust, but you seem to be taking all of the right steps by reaching out to professionals and volunteering. That's a start but now that your home is set up you do need to include more people in your life. A support group might be a good place to start. Someone mentioned Meetups.com. What about your mother-in-law. Is she active? Maybe you could suggest getting together with her for a "girls lunch" . she might be able to suggest a woman's club or activity you can do together. Is there a neighbor you can get to know? Volunteer where there are more people, you need the human touch just as much as the animals. As for you're husband if you're not able to share how lonely you are yet that's ok. Three hours is enough time to sit outside and have a drink or snack before or after dinner. Maybe you can suggest an outing on his day off. Explore your new area together, Check the internet for local places that you both would enjoy. Maybe if he sees you more positive maybe he'll become more engaged. How is he adjusting to the move and his new job. There are so many suggestions everyone can make...you might even consider getting a part time job of your own.... but I know how difficult it can be to make new friends. I too get depressed and lonely. You just have to take it one step at a time. At night plan something positive for the next day. Anything fun. Get up to say goodbye to your husband then watch the sun come up if you can.. Don't just sit on that beach, go for a walk instead. Smile at the first person you see. Talk to the cashier at the grocery store. You'll be ok. You also have a place to go on this website and can reach out anytime. I'm new here and I could use a could use a friend. too. Be sure to post again and let us know how you're doing. Good luck to you.!

It is a difficult situation, hang in there. My move was difficult too. I joined a in person support group. It may help you also. Also, a group with activities your interested in may help. If you like to read maybe a book club. Good luck. Prayers for you.

"I will definitely look into finding something to do outside the house"

Good. good, good. Something SOCIAL.

Hi there just wanted to say I read your story and my heart goes out to you. Have things gotten any better? You're in my prayers.