hi, and welcome! i've only been here a little while myself, (and am a rather sporadic poster truth be told) but how it works is exactly what you're doing. just write w/ whatever you're feeling, be it a good day. a bad day, a numb day, and other members of the forum will swing by and commiserate, and encourage, and share themselves. you can also message people privately.

it's just meant to be a space where you can connect free of judgement, bc it can be very hard to tell people in your life how you really feel, or depression could have made you isolated. so it's good to connect here with people who will understand what you're going through.

as i said, i'm relatively new myself, and still make myself hold back from making posts sometimes bc of my own mind spiral, but i have found that being involved here has been overall positive for me so far.

and, if you are feeling very suicidal, like actively planning, please call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-8255 to get immediate help. sites like this can be very beneficial, but the people on the lifeline are trained to help you.

i hope that that was at least a little helpful, and that being here will help you in your life.

Hello and welcome. If you're really suicidal I'd strongly urge you to call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or go to the ER or your local crisis center. We're here to listen and give thoughts/feelings and sometimes stories of our own to help not feel so depressed. I've been here 10 months and I was part of some online support groups. I will say this is the best one I've been on hands down. There are a lot of really caring people on here. I don't usually post much, I read others' posts and I feel better. So post how much or little you feel comfortable with if you don't want to post on the board you can make friends and pm them.

Welcome to the site and this group. What we do is offer each other support and understanding and sometimes suggestions as to how we deal with various emotional and life issues.
As hopeless as your situation seems suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
As for me I have found that just having someone listen to my trials and tribulations seems to help. Being able to reach out to someone and hopefully give them a pick me up makes my situation a little more bearable.
I hope you can gain some relief and find a little insight to get you through the rough patches life has given you.

Thank you all for responding and letting me know and for the suicide hotline number. Right now I just have thoughts but no plans but if the feelings get worse then I will call. I just have a lot on my plate right now and I'm struggling to deal with it all. I feel overwhelmed and like I'm drowning and I can't keep my head above water. I can't talk to my friends because they don't understand besides I think it would be to much for them to handle anyways, I have a therapist but she's dealing with my past so I can't really talk to her about what's going on now (and I've tired) so I've been keeping everything in and now I just feel like I'm going to explode. I feel so drained and tired all the time and I just want to cry but I'm not much of a crier which I've been told is a bad thing. I just wish I could talk to someone who understands what I'm going through and I thought that maybe someone out here might.

If you'd like to have a good cry I'd suggest watching a sad movie, I do this when I'm upset and feel like I want to cry but physically the tears don't come. Reading a sad story also has this effect. It's important to talk about things and not keep it in because I think that what most makes people feel like they're drowning because they're suffocating trying to keep everything in. I'm glad you found this site because even if it's just on a computer to a bunch of strangers, at least you're talking about it. I hope you can find the support you're looking for here

It was suggested to me too probably by the same people. I think they have a script of sorts...

I just want to die

Watching a sad movie was suggested to you?

I don't like to cry which is why I'm not much of a crier but my 2 close friends and therapist tell me that crying is a good thing and holding it all in and not crying is a bad thing so they want me to cry. I grew up always being told crying is for babies so its hard for me. I did make it through the night but I'm still having a hard time right now. My first instinct is to isolate and not talk to anyone but I know that will throw up red flags to my 2 close friends and then they will want to ship me off to an inpatient facility which I absolutely hate and will not go which will then make them upset which of course will make me feel worse so my next instinct is to just tell them everything is fine but I hate lying besides the fact I'm not very good at it so I feel like I'm stuck. I can't open up but I can't cut everyone out either. I just wish I knew what to do.

First of all welcome to DS! I think that Wynn got it very well! This is a place to vent feelings and to share with others who understand, or at least are willing to understand!

Depression is a very broad topic. We may share symptoms, but the deeper we get the more we realize that each of us has a slightly different (or HUGELY different) set of issues we are dealing with.

You mention crying, some people cry a lot, others hardly at all. I guess the issue there is how do you really feel about it? One common thing amongst people with depression is that we have learned how to mask our feelings, the fake happy mask that we put on to make others accept us.

I have learned that among the non-depressed, they all have different levels they can deal with our depression. Sometimes it is topic related. (I can handle a lot of depression related issues in discussions, but if it turns to child abuse I get really uncomfortable very fast.) The trick to learning how to include these people (and many times it is family members) is to learn their areas and levels of ability and to keep it in their comfort zone as best we can.

And, ... my name is Pepper. I am one of the user moderators in this group. (WanderingVet is the other one. Vet as in former military guy, not the animal doctor!) If you have any questions about how DS works, please feel free to ask me. I may not have an answer, or the answer may not be the one you want, but I do my best to be as fully honest as I can!

Again, welcome to DS and

Gentle hugs

Welcome to the group. I know many of us can relate to how you're feeling and you're definitely not alone. If all you can do is put one foot in front of the other right now, it's better than nothing. I wish you the best, and I'm here if you ever want to message me. Take care.

Well, do you want a game of 'i'll show you mine if you show me yours'?

Tell us one of the things that are happening to you right now that your (VERY STRANGE) counsellor won't discuss (?? what is she paid for??) and maybe we can relate.

One of the wonderful things I have found is when I actually tell someone what's bugging me and they understand. They understand, and they've been there, and sometimes they've had it worse. it's so incredibly comforting. I feel less alone. I feel like maybe I'm not a nutcase, maybe I'm normal. Maybe this is just something we all have to deal with and it's not just me being a poo-magnet.

I agree with Bridgie101...what counsellor wouldn't let you discuss what you want?! Definitely what they are paid for.

Also, welcome!! I have been a member on and off for over 10 years now (that really does make me feel old...) and I have met some GREAT people on here, the support has made such a difference and I hope that you too can get something from this.

We are all here to vent with, moan to, share stories and to even hear about how your day went :)

My therapist says it's all connected and that once I deal with my past trauma then I'll be able to deal with my current situation. She does EMDR and is having me process stuff then I'll be able to move on to the current stuff. I'm new at being in a support group so I'm not even sure what I can or can't share. I typically keep things inside because when I have shared it's been to much for people and they walk away so sharing makes me very nervous. I'm scared and overwhelmed and I don't know what to do.

We can give you support. If you feel suicidal, and believe you will act on that thought, please call 911.

God Bless

Ok, bridgie101 said to share one thing so I'm going to give it a try. I have stage 5 kidney disease which is now affecting my heart and lungs. Because of that my chest is in constant pain and I'm only allowed to take Tylenol because most of everything else will damage my kidneys more but the Tylenol isn't working. I think my body has become immune to it since that's all I've been allowed to take. I think about dying a lot to end the pain. It wouldn't be hard, all I would have to do is take a bunch of ibuprofen and my kidneys would shut down then the rest of my organs would follow. This is just one of the many things on my plate right now that I'm dealing with but I'll start with it first.