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My daughter my be stealing pain pills

whatswrong19
whatswrong19
Lets start this with the fact that I had several left over bottles of pain pills and muscle relaxers cause I rarely took them over the past 3 or 4 years cause I didn't like them. I kept them in case I ever needed them. I kept them in two places. One for the less strong and another place for the hydrocodones. Well, I noticed recently that every last bottle is gone, the pills are gone and the bottles went missing. I felt that it was my daughter, but when I asked she denied it. I have since started locking my pills that offer anything like that in a safe. Well my daughter went to her fathers for Christmas and she has not seen him in a year. He has called and said that his wife's pills are now missing and he thinks my daughter took them, and I do too.

I got the call last night. My daughter is in an interacial relationship that my parents are angry about, but I don't see a problem other than the one society creates, and those problems are not like they were before. I spent the day with her and the boy she likes over the weekend.

So I call my mom very upset last night, and she just acts like I told her I got mud on my shoe or something, and nothing more. Her exact words " Oh....Well." that was all she had to say, as if it was nothing more than a little mud on someone's shoes, and she could care less. Wait till she calls me upset over something, my dad is dying, all she'll hear from me is "Oh.... Well" and I have packed up everything she has EVER given me and it's going to the Goodwill. I should have come to reason with who she is a long, long long long loooooooong time ago. I'm completely and I mean COMPLETELY done with her, she does shit like this, plays games when things are serious ALL the fucking time, and she will never change and I have HAD ENOUGH of it.
bridgie101
bridgie101
You are a social worker? So you see a lot of stuff. A lot of bad stuff. I wonder if perhaps you are bringing your reactions home with you and overreacting at home.

- Either your daughter has nicked your pills, in which case, lock 'em up next time, end of story. Nothing to say.

She is not dead, you have no tardis. There is no time machine. There is absolutely no way for you to go back in time and set up a hidden camera and she says she didn't take them, so talking about it is over too unless you want to call her a liar to her face, which I don't recommend. So you chalk it up to life, and you keep them locked going forwards.

- Or she did not nick your pills and they got thrown away or lost over the last year or two.

You've got to understand that putting your daughter through drug tests etc - that's destruction of psychological contract. That's goodbye trust, goodbye friendship, goodbye faith and hope and belief. You have to find a way to handle the things you see at work that doesn't cause you to come home and act it all out on your child.

Or she will end up hating you the way you hate your mother. This is how it happens. This is how THAT happens.
billwfriend
billwfriend
she is def stealing the pills and that is not good....tell him (ex) that she is and has stolen your pills too and that he should not trust her in his home....that ends her stealing more pills....she is either selling them or taking them and drug tests might not tell about scripted drugs like Oxycotin but would about pot...so we know she is not smoking pot now...or using heroin as both those would show on drug tests....lock your pills and I say continue with the idea she not only has habit of stealing but it is drugs she is stealing...she needs to be emancipated to her own apt on her own or with her boyfriend....she can then boil your mothers oil about living with a racially different man at 18....but no more supporting her at home....kick her out for stealing pills yours and ex husbands wifes....she knows she did it and will fight being kicked out but CONSEQUENCES of stealing drugs is that the waiter brings the check and you either pay up or wash dishes or go to jail at that restaurant that you been eating without the money to pay for....Moms restaurant should now close and she should be forced out on her own...emancipation by stealing!
whatswrong19
whatswrong19
Bridgie, perhaps you missed the part where I said my daughter's step mother called and said that 20 of her own pills were missing after my daughter's visit.

Now I don't know if you have children are not, but if you want to stick your head in the sand when there are red flags being waved in your face that there is a problem, cause you're scared of damaging a relationship so that you can help begin to fix the problem if there is one, WELL let me just say we are two VERY different people. DO I DRUG TEST her on a regular basis, NO, this is the first time I have ever done that.

Let me tell you that sticking your head in the sand when there are red flags about situations waving in front of you will only make the problem worse, it's like refusing to take shots or medication when you obviously have an infection that will not go away on it's own.
whatswrong19
whatswrong19
Thank you billfreind. Thank you for validating that i have cause to be concerned and cause to take action.

I don't think we are to that point yet, we had suspicions, but upon giving her the test and speaking again with her father and learning about his own addiction issues, I have come to wonder if perhaps he is the one who took them and tried to blame my daughter to get out of having to argue with his wife, who by the way at first believed he had taken them. He probably did.

I really cannot tolerate the "stick your head in the sand people", they damage thier children more than abusers.
whatswrong19
whatswrong19
Enabling is removing the natural consequences to the addict of his or her behavior. Professionals warn against enabling because evidence has shown that an addict experiencing the damaging consequences of his addiction on his life has the most powerful incentive to change. Often this is when the addict hits bottom a term commonly referred to in Alcoholics Anonymous.
enigmaticloner
enigmaticloner
So you say that it's possible that his wife's pills were taken by him and not your daughter but what about your own pills? Are you still sure that it was her that took them? If she really stole them but did not use them for herself she might have a friend or someone that wanted them and she decided to help them out by stealing some from the people close by her. Either that or she's selling them like someone mentioned here before. Are there any changes with finances that you've noticed lately? There's sometimes signs about these things that we can see.
Tedward
Tedward
My mom and dad are in their late 70's. my 52 year old brother and his s poon, my. Nephew live with them. They are both Opiate and Crack addicts! My mom gets Lortabs for back pain, they were constantly stealing her pain medicine. I live down the street from them, so now I keep my mom's Lortabs in my safe and take her 5 at a time when she wants them. Their lives revolve around getting high! They bought a safe, I have changed the combination on 4 times now, they stand behind my mom and watch the combination! She is in early stage Parkinson's she only concentrates on one thing at a time she doesn't even know they are there. I also keep her Valium locked in my safe. My brother gets Opana, the strongest oral Opiate and he has my mom hold them and then he never leaves her alone all day every day! Comp!etely fucking ridiculous! Sorry! If it were up to me my brother and nephew would have been gone many years ago, my parents don't have the heart to throw them out, where they belong!
Heidiclark
Heidiclark
Regardless of what you do next, it's important fir your daughter to know that you know she took them and that this violates any trust you may have had in her. Let her know that you are going to be watching her very closely and let her know how dangerous it can be to take someone else's medication, especially if the person taking tham is already taking other meds. Tell her that if there's going to be any trust between the two of you it's going to have to start with her being honest with you. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
whatswrong19
whatswrong19
Thanks again for the support here. Now that I have given her the drug test and she was clean I feel like I can trust her again. And I have let her know that I will not tolerate this kind of behavior should she ever be tempted to do this sort of thing in the future.

typically I let her make most of her own decisions, I always have for most things, because this is how she learns to make good ones and let her feel the consequences when she makes the bad one,

Anything regarding illegal drug use I can't and won't tolerate, I mean I'm not going to freak out if I find out she smoked some weed once or twice, but if it were to become habitual I would definilty have a problem with that, and I will not tolerate any other type of drug use period. I will not enable her to abuse substances period. I know kids experiment, and don't get hooked, this I know, but I made it very clear I think yesterday when I made her pee in a cup, because I sat there waiting for her to pee for 90 minutes and would not let her leave the house until he peed for me in the cup so I could test it. I have access to other tests such as hair and mouth if I feel they are needed. At this point I am happy with the results being negative and feel like I can trust her again. I am still keeping my medications locked up in a safe that are addictive. The thing is I've been on seroquel for years, and keep it right out in open and that has never been bothered, and that medicine makes you sleepy and goofy too and she knows it, and has never touched it.
billwfriend
billwfriend
well there is a fool born every minute....
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