Can you call the crisis center?

The cutting is your release. I think most parole have a form of release but the problem is what you choose to use as your outlet. You associate the cutting with comfort. I don't agree with your mindset and cutting but i understand why you continue to do so. The simple solution to getting away from cutting is to find another outlet. I say simple in the sense that the solution is simple but i understand it may be a struggle to stop but being in a home that doesn't allow you access to devices to cut does half the battle for you. Instead of just thinking about it and thinning self harm is the only solution, shot for another tactic. It might sound silly but try journaling. I laughed when this was suggested to me a few month's ago but i do it religiously and have 65 pages so far. My release was porn. But it too became unhealthy and was controlling my life. Nowwhen i stress or worry or get depressed i journal. I still journal even on my greatest days. Anything and everything. The simplicity of it for me is strikingly cathartic and takes the place of my addiction to using porn. Maybe journaling isn't your thing but you need to find a healthier outlet. Maybe a workout routine. Drawing. Reading. Try a variety of activities ESPECIALLY whenthe urge to cut hits you.

Group home has no counselors? Do not harm yourself. Talk to us, here on DS.

I only go to my new counselor once a week. But I don't know them yet, so I keep up the illusion that I'm 100% ok.ive learned to not trust anyone, because all it's done is lead me to pain. And no matter how much I want to cut. I can't while I'm here. Which is why my mind went to that other stuff..

And that's why you need to find an alternate outlet that didn't involve self harm and will keepyour hands and mind occupied

I've been trying to find another outlet. But my music is the only thing that works really.. and a lot of the times I listen to my music to shut out the world, and my music is a part of the reason why I calm down, but also apart of the reason why i get as depressed as I do in first place if that makes sense.

It does. I too use music but i also journal and read or etch mirrors and play guitar. Try to find any alternative angst make it a habit

Ok, I mean, I have journaling before. And I mean, it works, it's just, when I'm depressed, my mind doesn't think, let me go journal, it thinks only how to I escape or what and how can I self harm so I can release all my emotions. You know? Like fr I have been an emotional wreck lately. Crying myself to sleep, being depressed often, and just all around unhappy

And this may seem petty.. but my YouTube channel is also making me depressed.. because I feel like my best isn't enough . That I'm not worth anything.. because I recently found out that even though I average couple hundred views per video, the average watch time is only about 2-3 minutes on anywhere from 4-11 minute videos.. and it was really demoralizing.. because it's something that I love doing.. and i haven't uploaded all day because of said feelings.. I just feel like I'm not good enough..

And that's where you need to focus your mindset. It's a YouTube channel. The fact you have any views period is enough. They important thing is to do the best of your abilities and letwhat happens happen. You are relying on others to determine your self worth and that is a grave mistake

I do the self harm when I am completely at the bottom. no more cutting, I sometimes feel like I want to do other things, much worse too.

It's a habit like smoking or drugs. Something that you must learn to live without. Yeah yeah i know easier said than done but that's what it is. It fulfills that missing piece you're mind tells you that you need. Just like drugs and alcohol or sex. It fills that void or satisfies that need. Then the problem is you can't get enough of it. It's a hobbit that must be broken. It's a short term solution to the bigger problem and creates even bigger problems. Find the alternative. Something new and different even. Occupy you're mind to a healthier solution

message me anytime