First and foremost. I am your friend and I am here to talk to. I have dealt with depression since the age of 12 and know how hard it can be. Feel free to contact me anytime.

I know when you are severely depressed it is hard to see the bright side. This is a cliche but very true. The past is gone, tomorrow is not promised, so enjoy the little things today. It can be difficult to find joy when feeling down but that doesn't mean it's not there. The little things can be a nice breeze, a dogs love, or a good meal.

A lot of time I watch the news and see how poorly people live in other countries. It makes me feel grateful just to be living in the USA..

I will send a friend request. Please accept and feel free to unload on me. I will do my best to help you through this rough period of you life.

Personally, I have a life threatening illness which limits what little time I have left here on earth. That in itself is depressing but I want to enjoy what little time I have left here.

I will always be here for you.

I was 27 before I began realizing like was going to be far more difficult than I had ever thought. Life had been relatively easy for me as a child, and I had unwittingly just assumed it always would be. Then my first marriage ended and I began realizing I would have to try starting another a new life with someone else somewhere else, and that also happens to be when I abandoned my previous drinking limits and the bottle and I became close friends. But then I ended up locked up where there was nothing to drink, so I turned to the psychiatrist and discovered Thorazine. Pot had actually been my so-called "drug of choice", however, but the stuff available to me in prison gave me convulsions.

In the final analysis, we all need, want and love to have fulfillments and satisfactions of our natural, inherent, human instincts and desires to be needed wanted and loved, and none of my own ideas about how to bring that about ever worked out. But to be absolutely certain of that, I gave life as I knew it my very best shot for just as long as I could possibly stand doing so.

People were ultimately there for me at my inescapable point of need, and my need at that time was still exactly as it has always been and as I had already begun wanting anyway, and that was to have someone teach me a new way to live.

You might or might not want to try that particular pair of shoes, but there is nothing to indicate the ones I have been wearing for over 30 years now are even beginning to show any wear.

I totally understand how you feel, but don't give up. I want to give you some trite, happy, inspirational quote to help you out, but I can't think of what to say. I'm depressed, overweight, super self-critical and I feel unloved alone, even though I'm married. I keep weapons in my bedroom and each night I look the thing and wonder if it would even matter if I did. The one thing that keeps me going is that I have a young son. A late addition. He keeps me around. You need to look at the things and people around you and determine who your inspiration is to keep on living....everyone is different, and I know some say you should "love yourself" and "live for the sake of living"....I can't say that I do that. I personally hate myself, my life and the choices that got me here (except my boy)...I know, inspirational right? Hope you are stubborn as I am and stick around. This story is not over for us Sixtyplus.

Dear sixtyplus, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I lost my middle son due to a late miscarriage years ago and I took it extremely hard. It nearly destroyed me. But nothing can compare to raising a child to adulthood and then losing her, you are still grieving I am sure even if you are unable to cry out loud. Internally you are in a tremendous amount of pain. This I know because I have not had a good cry in years. There are many times I feel that this is all I really need to relieve some of the pain and stress that dew;;s inside me yet like you I am unable to do so. As far as gambling goes when my marriage started to fall apart my now ex and I took to gambling because we couldn't stand to be around each other in the house anymore and it was the only time we would forget our problems. We ended up destroying all our finances and our savings which were in good shape at the time ultimately destroying ourselves and our kids futures and when the money was gone we divorced. As for my role in this I still carry a huge amount of guilt and regrets. I don't drink but I am a heavy smoker have been for years and have never been able to quit, as much as I want to. You have 20 years sobriety under your belt and can quit again when your ready to do so. As far as suicide goes you don't want to go there it is just awful messy stuff I have 3 attempts under my belt. The last time I nearly truly really died. And if I had I wouldn't be here for my 2 young grandkids today. I promised myself and my family to never go there again and to always seek help first. This is one promise I have been able to keep. I am so sorry you are alone in your pain and troubles I pray you find some comfort in your post here on DS. johnnyboy

First I want to say that I am not lonely. There is so much shit going on in m y life sometimes I feel I must escape. I am a smoker**; the casino is the only smoker friendly social venue. Hell! I can't even go to the city park here and feed the ducks and smoke a cigarette.

I do not believe I am addicted to gambling, but I have escaped too often lately and put myself in a shameful bind.

I do not want to be addicted to alcohol again. I am hopeful I can manage that until I reach a point where I don't need a crutch to hold me up.

** I am physically very healthy. I believe the nicotine supports my immune system. No doubt it is harmful to some people, but so is peanut butter.

My body is used to it, and I can afford it. If I quit smoking because some people object to it, I fear what might creep in to fill that void.

.

>> ...sometimes I feel I must escape...
>> I do not believe I am addicted to gambling, but I have escaped too often lately...
>> I do not want to be addicted to alcohol again...a crutch to hold me up...
>> If I quit smoking...I fear what might creep in to fill that void.

You and I are the same as far as smoking is concerned. I never smoked at all until my mid-20s and these past 40-plus years of smoking have never caused me any trouble. Beyond that, however, I used to have a copy of an article from some psychiatrist somewhere saying some of us actually need the nicotine...and I know he is correct. I stayed "smoke-free" for a few weeks following my bypass surgery a few months ago because a doc said I would heal faster, but I had never told any doc I was quitting for good and all.

The word "addiction" gets tossed around a lot and even abused (imho) by people claiming to have some kind of "treatment" for sale, but the real deal there is actually just a matter of obsession for the effect we get from whatever we might be drinking, snorting, shooting, puffing or rubbing into the skin in order to try to at least just feel okay amidst whatever...and I just now got back from my own brief "escape" in the form of a high-speed-highway ride on my sidecar rig. I do not care whether it was the wind or the "rush" that left me a tingly, I just enjoyed it for what it was.

Bottom line here? There is nothing specifically illegal, immoral or fattening about an occasional "escape" of one kind or another, and only you can decide when it might have become time to begin becoming concerned about any part of that turning deadly.

I CANT TELL U HOW MANY TIMES I COMPLAIN 2 THE GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN 2 TAKE ME, BUT HE OBVIOUSLY DOESNT WANT 2.
HE IS THE ONE IN CONTROL........................
GBU
DRENA B
;-O
PS. BTW, MY HUBBY UNDERSTANDS HOW I FEEL..................

There are other antidepressants besides Prozac that will not have the side affects you experienced. Do not stop taking a medication without first, consulting with your doctor over it, especially if you are having suicidal thoughts.

I can identify with your story....always looking for happiness in other people and other things, always blaming others for my problems. I didn't gamble but I had a drug addiction that nearly took my life.

While I was getting sober in a hospital detox, I picked up a book called "the 12 steps for everyone who really wants them" by Jerry Hirschfield which were adapted to EHA which stands for "Emotional Health Anonymous". This book changed my life! When I did the steps, I began to see people returning into my life along with many other miracles.

That was over 8 years ago. Today I have a great life and I have never been happier. I found the Peace and Love that had been missing in my life within. It had always been there but all my negative emotions were blocks which interrupted the communication link. When the 12 steps helped me clear the path, my life changed dramatically! I have an extra copy and if you trust me with your address, you can have it for free. If not, then I totally understand.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless
. .

lee, :) I believe some of us do need nicotine. I asked my therapist if diabetics are addicted to insulin and he had nothing to say

You are fortunate to have a understanding and supportive husband Survivor

bob, I do not believe I need any mind altering drug. Thank you for the offer of the book though, but I have difficulty reading after my stroke 3 years ago.

>> I believe some of us do need nicotine. I asked my therapist if diabetics are addicted to insulin and he had nothing to say.

I can imagine! There have been a couple of times when I have been able to believe a doctor actually understands that kind of clear logic suggesting the typical "medical drill" monologue about smoking or whatever just might not be as comprehensive or complete as some folks would have us believe, but I still have yet to ever meet one who will openly agree.

I meet one doctor (a smoker himself) who agreed with my peanut butter analogy and laughed.

I am feeling much better today. I am still anxious over my budget budget but trying to not dewll on it and escape.

I received a letter from a family member I only communicate with occasionally yesterday chewing me out for a page and half because I had not told her my two unmarried grand children had become parents.

It just really struck me the wrong way. She does not know them and they have never met her. She is incarcerated. She did not need to know.

I failed to exercise mindfulness and escaped to the casino today

You klnow? It wasn't that bad. I went with my boss and she loaned me $100 to play. I actually won $55 early but she lost all her money and "borried" $80 from me $20 at a time til I had nothing left. So I only lost $20.

That isn't much for an evenin.g of fun

I understand how you feel about gambling, but for me the sad thing is that it is too easy to reach for the credit card.

I have not gone to a casino for a long time, mostly because the draw is not that strong for me. But when I do go I limit myself to cash. It runs out, I run out!

Glad to hear that you are feeling better.