Is this cultural? IF you are in Britain, certainly you don't have to follow the customs of your country of origin?

Even if it were cultural, the newer ways say to at least be given a choice.

If you can though, yea, definitely get out while you can. No one should be forced to marry.

It's not called respecting your parents it's called being controlled. PERIOD you are your own person. As people have said run don't walk away from this situation. As I understand it these cultures expect their kids to be obedient or they will cut them from their lives in some severe instances actually kill them for shaming the family. So if you to your Mom to take a hike, essentially go to hell I'm not doing that. Then she will cut you from her life and save you the trouble.
Pretty crazy. Who the heck has these people believing they have kids and the kids are possessions to be placed where they like to make them look good. Flawed, really flawed.

Viral If you don't mind me asking, could you explain why you feel compelled to marry her regardless of your own wishes so that we can better understand your situation and your cultures practices? Is it a fear of being shunned by parents or by a whole community? Or, is it more financial in that you will not be able to complete college unless you satisfy your parents? Either way, I feel like you are being controlled which is wrong any way you look at it.

Vira, Your mom has WAY over-stepped her boundaries!! I didnt know this was done in Ireland..She has no right to tell you that. You dont have to get married if you dont want to..that makes me mad! You are not a Muslim woman who is to be forced to live a certain way.
My family is from Ireland, & Ive never heard of "forced" marriages over there. Stand up to your mom & tell her you will live your life for YOU, not her. Sorry to rant like this, but I hate it when women are treated like crap!!!

Oops, sorry Viral, didnt read until just now that you are a man. But my feelings STILL apply! :-)

You said, "I feel like i am going to break her heart...if i did marry her i really wont forgive myself!"

Well just how will she feel if you marry her and then she finds out that you never wanted to marry her? That would be much worse than telling her right now.

Also, I think I understand your predicament this way...you don't want to marry this woman. BUT you feel you must because if you don't your mother will cut the money off for your education. In addition, she will constantly shame you. Is this right?

If this is correct, you have to make some choices. Do you think you'd be better off marrying this woman so you can continue getting money from your mother. Or would you be better off telling this woman the truth, and risk having no money from your family?

Is there a risk of you being deported back to your country if you don't have money for the education? That's another thing you are probably considering.

I can kind of understand your predicament. The pressure to marry is very strong for someone from your culture. You will have to make a decision. It won't be easy. I wish you well.

Keep writing to us here on DS. We care.