wow that sounds like my family too, but i am 25 and they insist i must find a husband now or i will be too told to get married...

but you are free to make your own choices.. she wants you to marry, even though you have no one yet? wow that just isnt right..

i'm here if you need to talk... be strong sweety

I'm sorry but, none of this makes any sense to me. A forced marriage? In this day and age? Here in the states, the bride and groom have to get the license together. Secondly, you have to find someone to perform the ceremony and thirdly, the bride and groom have to sign the marriage certificate.

Why would anyone marry someone they do not love or care anything about, in the first place. I am afraid "mum" would be in for a fight if she tried a forced marriage!!!!!!! I thought Irishmen liked to fight so, FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are gaining something in this relationship with your mom or it would not matter to you what she thinks. It could be as little as gaining her respect or love or as much as having her try and murder you if you don't keep her happy. I don't know.

The way to break the cycle is to be honest with yourself about what you gain by being in relationship with your mom. You don't have to share with anyone else in the world so be honest with yourself.
Write down all your thoughts and feelgins about this.
Then write down the worst thing that could happen if you lost each thing.

Then you have something to look at so you can decide if it is really worth it to keep mom in your life in the current situation.

The next step would be to write down how to change the way you interact with your mom.
Only you can decide for yourself if the benefits outweight the costs.

Wow, if my parent(s) said this to me they would do themselves the favour and at least call an ambulance first. Just because it's tradition or culture doesn't make it right. This is some seriously messed up stuff and I would try to think about how you can get through this situation with yourself intact. A cousellor or therapist would be good right now. Best of luck in this situation.

She can't make you marry anyone. You are 19 and capable and legally able to make your own decisions. You do what makes you happy and Mom will just have to learn to deal with it.

I'm sorry, I just read the entire thread. Are you from a country where it is culturally illegal to disobey your parents? The police won't help with that. Or, is it a inheritance or cut off of money or some other reason she can make you get married. You say you are studying in another country, could she cut off the funds for school and make you return home? I don't know, just trying to figure out how she can make you marry. It is easy to say don't get married when you are born and raised in a free country I just do not understand the rules of your culture.

zazas could she cut off the funds for school and make you return home?" yes she could :( this is why i have to obey her

Viral, get a job, Immigrate, cut your ties on a toxic relationship.

I honestly don't see how it is possible in todays age and in Ireland to be forced into a marriage. I am Sicilian and in the past my family practiced arranged marriage. Sometimes it worked out, other times things got nasty.

My grandparents actually were forced to marry after my father was born out of wedlock. My grandmother HATED being married to my grandfather and treated him like shit. She also became prejudiced against the Irish and talked lots of crap about his background. I also had a Filipino coworker who was in a forced marriage who was cheating with an ex-coworker and had zero feelings towards his wife and a lot of regret.

This is what I would do if I was you. It's going to take a lot of guts, but I would announce on facebook that your mom organized this marriage and that you have no intent to be with this woman. Be very honest. If possible, move away from your mother if you are not already out of the house. Not sure if this will work or not, but I would even consider going to the police, tell them what is going on, and perhaps even issue a restraining order against her and her family.
Also, do yo think it is possible that you would be forced into a marriage if you said no during the marriage vows? I know it may seem like a hard thing to do, but it's much better than ending up in a loveless marriage where everyone is hurt.

Is this girl living in your native country or would the marriage be in Ireland? Is there an embassy of your native country in Ireland and if so, do you think going there for help would work? I have no idea where you are from and how common of a practice this is in your country.

viral.. I may be mistaken but are you not the *Lad* that spoke of a boyfriend in school that you have that was milking you of money and said he had an incurable disease? If this is not you then I apologize.. If it is you, why would you want to put up with your mothers demands if you are attracted to boys and not girls? I would get away from her and cut ties... You need to be who you are and if I am correct, you could never be happy with a bride if you are not suited for one... Please correct me if I am wrong...

BTW- I wanted to apologize for saying earlier that I didn't understand how this could happen. At the time, I did not notice that you were not an Irish citizen. I feel like many will not understand what you are going through and find such a predicament impossible as organized marriage is not practiced in our own cultures, but it is indeed practiced in many other countries and cultures.

meandthebeast you are half right, he wasnt my boyfriend lol he was meant to be a best friend instead

Kuno78 i think i dont have a choice, i will marry her werther i like it or not :(

my life is screwed right now...i spoke with my mum today and she said that it is an order and there is nothing to change it

How do I feel about forced marriage? Not good! About forced ANYTHING, for that matter!

Is your mum paying all your bills or something? Does she own you? If so, finish those studies, publish that book and get a paying vocation so you can stand up to her and climb out onto your own wing. You're 19, legally an adult in the U.S.

Congrats on the book and the studies, by the way. Now...if you're not already, turn it into money. Money is freedom from mum.

Hello, ViralLad.

Just read your posts and then the others. Many folks here in the states do not realize that in OTHER COUNTRIES it is common, even practiced, for parents to ARRANGE marriages. In some countries, a young girl is abducted from her family by the male and "forced" into being his wife or suffer shame in the culture, especially when he has culminated the marriage via sex. There are many, many young people who are subjected to this "oppression" and submit to it because of shame. They do not have a voice in the matter. I am so sorry that your culture is one that demands that you marry at your age on you own, or that you abide by your parents wishes and concede to a spouse of their choosing. I say parents. You did not say whether your father is involved in this as well, but since many cultures require that the children obey the parents wishes as to marriage, it really makes no difference if it is both parents or just your mom.

I encourage you to carefully consider what you want out of life and whether you can cope with being "disowned" by your parents because you fail to go along with the arranged marriage. It is a very, very hard choice to make. Many your age with these cultures are wrestling with it. Over here, in the states, we cannot imagine in todays society how humiliating and defeating this is. However, even here in the states in the early years of this county, the males "imported" wifes from other countries. It is a very difficult situation that you are in.

As for myself, I would choose freedom to make the decision for myself whether I wanted to marry or not and to whom. But that freedom will likely come for you at a high cost, i.e. estrangement and lack of financial assistance from your mom.

I hate so much that you are in this horrible situation.

Best wishes and good luck.

(((Hugs)))