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His Memory Won't Go Away- I'm Haunted...

RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
i'm being haunted by the memory of my ex - almost 5 years ago i met a man named Andy- we were alike in every way- and by every way i mean we thought , looked, and loved each other the same- he was like the male version of me- even our names matched- he was Andy and i'm Brandi.... he was my first love and the first man i ever let make love to me......i thought i'd be with him forever... i was in love and loved him u know.... he was my everything... he waited a year for me to be ready to give myself to him- he was my Hunny Bunny and i was his Cuddles..... in the summer of 2006 he was wrestling and i get a call from his boss saying that he had a heart attack- he was in the ICU for a long time and nobody knew if he would make it or not- he did... and we were planning on going out somewhere special when he got out of rehab- well in dec 2006- i got a phone call saying- i love u babe and i'll be out of here next week..... and then he was just gone..... i can't help it- i compare all my boyfriends to him and i wish i could have him back- why did god take my Andy from me? i still have my days when i hear our song ( Lifetime of Dreams by Journey) and i just cry - i still remember our first conversation- he said can i tell u that i love u - and i said u don't even know me! and he said some day you'll feel the same way about me....... and it was true i did..... he was my prince charming- one of the most caring , loving men i've ever known and there is no other like him- just needed to vent today- having a hard time letting his memory go and missing him so much lately ...... he wanted us to have a baby so bad and now i regret not making one with him- cause atleast then i'd still have a part of him- now all i have are these haunting memories , and dreams- i always kinda knew it would end this way- used to have dreams that he was standing in this fog and no matter how hard i ran or tried i just couldn't get to him and i'm wake up with real tears streaming down my face..... he was my soulmate i have no doubt about that.... :( i miss u Andy !....... i just pray god watches over u til i can get there to be with you.....
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow. That was moving. My heart goes out to you Rock. Just know that you will be stronger for having gone through this. I wish it wasnt' because of what you said but that is the deal I guess. So sorry for you. You have my prayers. Peace.
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
i just wish God would explain why he had to take my Andy away from me- he's the only man who ever really loved me and this really hurts- i would go through the worst physical pain imaginable over and over - if i could just have him here with me .....
deleted_user
deleted_user
Brandi I'm always here for you and WE will get through this TOGETHER. You can talk to me about this any time you need to. I love you and will do anything I can for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
This is the most emotional thread i have ever read here at DS. I feel that there is a lesson here for everyone who reads this post and i hope everyone does read this post. We just never know and therefore must grab life and live it! Appreciate what we have.

I am truly sorry for your pain and cannot imagine what it would be like BUT i want to thank you for posting it, it makes one really think.

Please try to find peace with this!
deleted_user
deleted_user
So like I posted ealier she needs lots of hugs.

http://dailystrength.org/people/165950
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBFlNBsvyxI

I LOVE YOU .........AND EVEN THOUGH U CAN'T HEAR ME - THIS IS MY MESSAGE TO YOU....
deleted_user
deleted_user
He loved you and he wouldn't want you to grieve forever. Grieve but don't let it be your whole life. Treasure your memories. Let peace engulf you when you think of him and smile. Love lost is better than never having loved at all. You have experienced something that a lot of folks go their entire lives and never experience. It hurts, God don't I know it. But it really will be okay. Know that you are loved.
MaRhianna
MaRhianna
So sorry for your pain, my heart goes out to you.
I hope that time will heal the pain for you although I know it's not easy.
You're in my prayers ((hugs))
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deleted_user
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RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
bumping this up on the list again in memory of my Andy...
"bump"......
Juice
Juice
That's such a lovely tribute to someone who sounds like a really lovely man. It's good that you can pour it all out, and I hope every time you tell someone about him it's with more smiles than tears.
deleted_user
deleted_user
how very sad a moving! im so sorry hun that your feeling so much pain for a lost love. I have lost my first and have never forgotten him either and its been eight years. I think the first love will always be with us, thats the toughest thing to have to deal with when it goes all wrong like it has with you and me. i do have faith that time will help to make the pain alittle less although the ghost of him will always be there, maybe in the future i can think of him and smile remembering the good and wonderful moments he brought into your life.
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
i know ur not here and everyone is gonna think i've really lost it- but i need to talk to you- and i want u to know i just want to hug u and run my fingers through ur long hair and tell u everything is ok cause i'm here and i love you! Andy, u have no idea how special u made me feel- when u looked at me- i felt like i was the only person in a crowded room, i know i should be happy i got 3 years with you, but it wasn't enough ! we were supposed to be married and have our little girl Faith and our son Brandon Andrew..... i want my life with you ! and u have no idea how much this sucks that i'm stuck in this world without you ! why did u leave me here ! i am so lost without you ! sometimes i find myself walking through crowds searching for u cause i hear ur laugh and i know u won't be there- but i want u to be there! i want this to all be a nightmare and wake up and see u laying beside me ...... i hope u are at peace and i forgive u for leaving me here- because god needed you- i just don't understand why.... one day i'll see u again and we will be together..... til then u are in my heart - always and forever babe.....

Sorry now everyone is gonna think i've lost it- but i needed to talk to him.....
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