Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am so sick and tired of being held to higher standards than men when it comes to my sex life. Extremely tired of it.
For the most part, I do not sleep around. I generally only sleep with guys I am actually dating, though I have had a couple "friends with benefits" type of dealios in the past. Sometimes though it gets really hard trying to "keep my numbers down" and whatnot. My ex broke up with me over 8 and a half months ago. I haven't had sex since. Hell, I haven't even fooled around at all since. It was getting to the point where I was so fucking sexually frustrated that I just couldn't handle it anymore. The past few months I've been drinking a lot more than usual and I know it is because I was sexually frustrated. It happens to everyone - male or female. So why is it that when I finally say "fuck it, I'm getting myself laid!" I am made to feel like I've done something dirty or wrong, meanwhile all the guys around me go out hunting tail every freaking weekend, and that's okay? I don't get it. We all have needs, regardless of our gender. Once you've become sexually active you really can't just stop. I've gone extremely long periods of time between sexual encounters, solely because I don't want to be a slut (and also I am petrified of herpes... but mostly it's the slut thing..) But I am starting to see how totally unfair that is. Why is it that I have to feel ashamed when I start seeing someone and they ask how many guys I have been with? Why is it that it doesn't seem to matter how many girls a guy has been with? Not freaking fair!
Last night I finally did say "fuck it!" and I went out with this guy I met on the weekend (who, by the way, is suuuuuper cute!) and I slept with him. God, do I ever feel a million times better! It's like I can finally breathe again! But what happened when I rolled in this morning? My brother, whom I live with, asked me, of course, what time I got home last night. I told him I didn't, I just got home this morning. Right away he was like "did you seriously sleep with that guy on your first date?" I replied with honesty, "yes... yes I did." Then of course he gives me a speech about how I shouldn't sleep with a guy on the first date and blah blah blah. I get it, he's my brother, but the thing is he is perfectly okay with me having sex - in fact we are very open with each other about it. But somehow it is different when I am not in a relationship, apparently. So I responded to him asking "so, how many girls have you slept with in the past 8 months while my legs have been glued shut?" He said "that's different"... and I said "no.. it's not. I know of at least 4 you have been with since I moved here 5 months ago.. how is that okay, but me sleeping with one dude after 8 months of getting nothing not okay?" And he said "because it is different for guys. We need sex and we can't just get it all the time. A girl can get sex whenever she wants it, we have to work for it so we take it when we can get it" So I responded with "so why is it not okay for me to, once in a while, when I really need it, to give in and have myself a romp?" That's when the conversation ended.
So here is my question that I want to pose to everyone here, but especially the males:
Do you hold women to a different standard than you hold men? Why?
(and please answer honestly... I'm not going to hate you or be mad about whatever your answer is... clearly I still love and care about all my guy friends and my brother despite the fact that they all unanimously seem to hold the above opinion..."
For the most part, I do not sleep around. I generally only sleep with guys I am actually dating, though I have had a couple "friends with benefits" type of dealios in the past. Sometimes though it gets really hard trying to "keep my numbers down" and whatnot. My ex broke up with me over 8 and a half months ago. I haven't had sex since. Hell, I haven't even fooled around at all since. It was getting to the point where I was so fucking sexually frustrated that I just couldn't handle it anymore. The past few months I've been drinking a lot more than usual and I know it is because I was sexually frustrated. It happens to everyone - male or female. So why is it that when I finally say "fuck it, I'm getting myself laid!" I am made to feel like I've done something dirty or wrong, meanwhile all the guys around me go out hunting tail every freaking weekend, and that's okay? I don't get it. We all have needs, regardless of our gender. Once you've become sexually active you really can't just stop. I've gone extremely long periods of time between sexual encounters, solely because I don't want to be a slut (and also I am petrified of herpes... but mostly it's the slut thing..) But I am starting to see how totally unfair that is. Why is it that I have to feel ashamed when I start seeing someone and they ask how many guys I have been with? Why is it that it doesn't seem to matter how many girls a guy has been with? Not freaking fair!
Last night I finally did say "fuck it!" and I went out with this guy I met on the weekend (who, by the way, is suuuuuper cute!) and I slept with him. God, do I ever feel a million times better! It's like I can finally breathe again! But what happened when I rolled in this morning? My brother, whom I live with, asked me, of course, what time I got home last night. I told him I didn't, I just got home this morning. Right away he was like "did you seriously sleep with that guy on your first date?" I replied with honesty, "yes... yes I did." Then of course he gives me a speech about how I shouldn't sleep with a guy on the first date and blah blah blah. I get it, he's my brother, but the thing is he is perfectly okay with me having sex - in fact we are very open with each other about it. But somehow it is different when I am not in a relationship, apparently. So I responded to him asking "so, how many girls have you slept with in the past 8 months while my legs have been glued shut?" He said "that's different"... and I said "no.. it's not. I know of at least 4 you have been with since I moved here 5 months ago.. how is that okay, but me sleeping with one dude after 8 months of getting nothing not okay?" And he said "because it is different for guys. We need sex and we can't just get it all the time. A girl can get sex whenever she wants it, we have to work for it so we take it when we can get it" So I responded with "so why is it not okay for me to, once in a while, when I really need it, to give in and have myself a romp?" That's when the conversation ended.
So here is my question that I want to pose to everyone here, but especially the males:
Do you hold women to a different standard than you hold men? Why?
(and please answer honestly... I'm not going to hate you or be mad about whatever your answer is... clearly I still love and care about all my guy friends and my brother despite the fact that they all unanimously seem to hold the above opinion..."
i agree the double standard is wrong and needs to be changed. it pisses me off but i do not focus on it or let it affect my choices as i have always been safe, careful and discreet with my actions. thankfully most of the ppl in my life now DO NOT agree with it either and fully support their single friends getting some "relief" regardless of whether those single friends are male or female.
you are right....there is nothing wrong at all with what you did. and good for you!
girls are better at getting laid. i dont think if i wanted to just get laid, that i could... so this does form somewhat of an accomplishment. either that i scored, or that ive formed a healthy relationship. i dont know if women have this, but it doesnt seem like it, as most women receive a lot of sexual inventions and compliments.
guys arent as close as it seems. we normally dont open up with each other, which is how something like sex, being repeated over and over, as one of the only things we have to talk about and relate with each other, came to be so accepted. I believe most men are disappointed with slutty girls, though we do adore them for urges. its also disappointing because if a womans easy for a few guys, but is hard for you, you dont try... if i knew my friends scored with a woman on the first date, yet she didnt with me, i wouldnt try for a second, because then id seem like i was being used... so generally women with morals are still wanted.
Everything you've said just there made a lot of sense. This is why I feel it is important to talk with men about these things, because it forces them to think about the way they view and judge women. I know that most men really do care about women, how we feel, and the struggles we go through, they just don't realize without being forced to realize it what part they as individuals and as a group play in womens issues, or how their own views shape the views of those around them, both other males and females.
The only way anything is going to change on a large scale is if women continue to engage in open dialogue with men about these issues. This is the only way that men will begin to change, because it will allow them to understand how they perpetuate womens issues unwittingly. It is also the only way that women can begin to understand why men to and think the things they do. When I first began opening my eyes to womens issues there was a time that I began to blame men, all men, for the position we are in. I began to demonize men in my own head, began seeing them as a bunch of untrustworthy, greedy, selfish pigs hell bent on keeping women down. As I've gone further on my journey and taken the time to discuss issues with men, I've come to realize that most men are good people and they are not actively trying to subjugate women. The things they do, say and think that hurt us are for the most part unconscious - the remnants of centuries upon centuries of religious and political domination by the male gender. The only reason things have changed as much as they have is because women have been willing to stand up and point out the flaws in the system that keeps them down. This is how we got the vote, how we (kind of...) got pay equity, etc. Now we are past the days of structural, institutionalized oppression (not including the church..) and the issues we have to deal with are psychological and social remnants of those past days - the views men hold of women and that women hold of themselves. Things such as the sexual double standard, the place of women in the workplace, the division of labour in the home, etc etc.
if women want to accept men who sleep around, then thats their choice. but i dont want to accept sluts, and since its harder to find a decent man then it is a decent woman, odds are in my favor.
However, if my choice was to sleep with someone different whenever I wanted, I would not let society's chains bind me from doing whatever I wanted to do. Sometimes, the labels are placed on someone who in no way deserves them anyway, out of jealousy or anger or whatever.
No matter what, as a woman, I am a firm believer that it is MY CHOICE to decide who I want to have sex with and when, which brings me back to Sack's warning, to be very careful and aware of getting into situations where somebody decides to take you for a "joy ride" without your consent, ladies. It can be pretty dangerous out there.
It's no issue whatsoever if you don't accept "sluts" as long as you are not one yourself. It's only a problem if it's a hypocritical non-acceptance - ie. you sleep around but have no respect for women who do.
Back in the day when I was a christian, I believed that sexual activity was wrong. I refrained from taking part and I didn't accept other peoples' sexual activity. Had I, however, been sexually active but preaching about how bad it is to be sexually active, I'd be a hypocrite and I would have no right whatsoever to say those things.
from a males point of view, even though i like the idea of abstinence. if youve had casual sex frequently in the past, and then become abstinent. do you ever consider that unfair to the guy? because i wouldnt bother... knowing others have shared something like that with the person youre in love with, yet you cant share that... maybe it really works to find good guys, but i just cant see any normal or self respecting guy putting up with that.
but because i have very little interaction with the problem they cause, i care very little about the solution. other then STDs and pregnancy. seems like all women are pregnant.
i think most men have diseases. if you go to sites like askmehelpdesk.com almost 90% of the topics are from men with bumps... and thats from men who use computers lol. most men dont blog and journal.
eww
its a sick world... or its gonna be.
Not sure if that is a worldwide figure or U.S. only....
ANy adult should be able to say to a potential partner:
--are you interested in sleeping with me?
--do you have any STDs?
--what do you use for birth control?
--have you been "tested" recently?
If you can't talk about it, you have no business doing it. --MHO
You should also be able to state exactly what expectations you (or they) have if you decide to have sex....such as whether that person is wanting a relationship or just a sexual fun time. If expectations don't jive....omg, save yourself a lot of time and trouble and KEEP YOUR PANTS ON.
There are a LOT of other humans out there, and if people would only communicate honestly, there wouldn't be such confusion and / or hurt feelings.