Depression Support Group
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I am so sick and tired of being held to higher standards than men when it comes to my sex life. Extremely tired of it.
For the most part, I do not sleep around. I generally only sleep with guys I am actually dating, though I have had a couple "friends with benefits" type of dealios in the past. Sometimes though it gets really hard trying to "keep my numbers down" and whatnot. My ex broke up with me over 8 and a half months ago. I haven't had sex since. Hell, I haven't even fooled around at all since. It was getting to the point where I was so fucking sexually frustrated that I just couldn't handle it anymore. The past few months I've been drinking a lot more than usual and I know it is because I was sexually frustrated. It happens to everyone - male or female. So why is it that when I finally say "fuck it, I'm getting myself laid!" I am made to feel like I've done something dirty or wrong, meanwhile all the guys around me go out hunting tail every freaking weekend, and that's okay? I don't get it. We all have needs, regardless of our gender. Once you've become sexually active you really can't just stop. I've gone extremely long periods of time between sexual encounters, solely because I don't want to be a slut (and also I am petrified of herpes... but mostly it's the slut thing..) But I am starting to see how totally unfair that is. Why is it that I have to feel ashamed when I start seeing someone and they ask how many guys I have been with? Why is it that it doesn't seem to matter how many girls a guy has been with? Not freaking fair!
Last night I finally did say "fuck it!" and I went out with this guy I met on the weekend (who, by the way, is suuuuuper cute!) and I slept with him. God, do I ever feel a million times better! It's like I can finally breathe again! But what happened when I rolled in this morning? My brother, whom I live with, asked me, of course, what time I got home last night. I told him I didn't, I just got home this morning. Right away he was like "did you seriously sleep with that guy on your first date?" I replied with honesty, "yes... yes I did." Then of course he gives me a speech about how I shouldn't sleep with a guy on the first date and blah blah blah. I get it, he's my brother, but the thing is he is perfectly okay with me having sex - in fact we are very open with each other about it. But somehow it is different when I am not in a relationship, apparently. So I responded to him asking "so, how many girls have you slept with in the past 8 months while my legs have been glued shut?" He said "that's different"... and I said "no.. it's not. I know of at least 4 you have been with since I moved here 5 months ago.. how is that okay, but me sleeping with one dude after 8 months of getting nothing not okay?" And he said "because it is different for guys. We need sex and we can't just get it all the time. A girl can get sex whenever she wants it, we have to work for it so we take it when we can get it" So I responded with "so why is it not okay for me to, once in a while, when I really need it, to give in and have myself a romp?" That's when the conversation ended.
So here is my question that I want to pose to everyone here, but especially the males:
Do you hold women to a different standard than you hold men? Why?
(and please answer honestly... I'm not going to hate you or be mad about whatever your answer is... clearly I still love and care about all my guy friends and my brother despite the fact that they all unanimously seem to hold the above opinion..."
For the most part, I do not sleep around. I generally only sleep with guys I am actually dating, though I have had a couple "friends with benefits" type of dealios in the past. Sometimes though it gets really hard trying to "keep my numbers down" and whatnot. My ex broke up with me over 8 and a half months ago. I haven't had sex since. Hell, I haven't even fooled around at all since. It was getting to the point where I was so fucking sexually frustrated that I just couldn't handle it anymore. The past few months I've been drinking a lot more than usual and I know it is because I was sexually frustrated. It happens to everyone - male or female. So why is it that when I finally say "fuck it, I'm getting myself laid!" I am made to feel like I've done something dirty or wrong, meanwhile all the guys around me go out hunting tail every freaking weekend, and that's okay? I don't get it. We all have needs, regardless of our gender. Once you've become sexually active you really can't just stop. I've gone extremely long periods of time between sexual encounters, solely because I don't want to be a slut (and also I am petrified of herpes... but mostly it's the slut thing..) But I am starting to see how totally unfair that is. Why is it that I have to feel ashamed when I start seeing someone and they ask how many guys I have been with? Why is it that it doesn't seem to matter how many girls a guy has been with? Not freaking fair!
Last night I finally did say "fuck it!" and I went out with this guy I met on the weekend (who, by the way, is suuuuuper cute!) and I slept with him. God, do I ever feel a million times better! It's like I can finally breathe again! But what happened when I rolled in this morning? My brother, whom I live with, asked me, of course, what time I got home last night. I told him I didn't, I just got home this morning. Right away he was like "did you seriously sleep with that guy on your first date?" I replied with honesty, "yes... yes I did." Then of course he gives me a speech about how I shouldn't sleep with a guy on the first date and blah blah blah. I get it, he's my brother, but the thing is he is perfectly okay with me having sex - in fact we are very open with each other about it. But somehow it is different when I am not in a relationship, apparently. So I responded to him asking "so, how many girls have you slept with in the past 8 months while my legs have been glued shut?" He said "that's different"... and I said "no.. it's not. I know of at least 4 you have been with since I moved here 5 months ago.. how is that okay, but me sleeping with one dude after 8 months of getting nothing not okay?" And he said "because it is different for guys. We need sex and we can't just get it all the time. A girl can get sex whenever she wants it, we have to work for it so we take it when we can get it" So I responded with "so why is it not okay for me to, once in a while, when I really need it, to give in and have myself a romp?" That's when the conversation ended.
So here is my question that I want to pose to everyone here, but especially the males:
Do you hold women to a different standard than you hold men? Why?
(and please answer honestly... I'm not going to hate you or be mad about whatever your answer is... clearly I still love and care about all my guy friends and my brother despite the fact that they all unanimously seem to hold the above opinion..."
A lot of it probably also has to do with religion - even among people that are not at all religious. Much of our culture and ideas about morality and proper behaviour can be traced directly back to religious institutions which for centuries (actually still do..) said that women were evil temptresses that had to be controlled sexually or else they would bring about the demise of mankind's moral fabric.... somehow, it was never the MEN who practiced "adultery" or whatnot that were blamed... they were victims of seduction.....
yrs ago and had many guy friends and she was labeled a slut, she was a virgin dumb ass's.
ppl need to mind there own buisness point blank
Now in my 40's, I have a friend who has been divorced for yrs. and she is lonli and loves sex and she meets guys on craigs list and other local dating sites and if she likes them she has sex, so what, I wouldn't classify her as a slut, I tell her be safe and have fun!
sexsexsex we are all equal, ignore ignorant ppl
Enjoy yourself girlfriend!
Honestly.. that is what all 3 of my male roommates (bro included) actually believe... and here I am, a woman, telling them straight up "no.. actually, we DO need sex. I think I would know..." But of course, I'm wrong... what the hell would I know about women anyways... I'm just a woman! LoL
i use a double standard, and i believe most men do. because as you said, we all have needs. most men that i know, and myself, love to be romantic. but only when we truly feel she deserves it, and we can be honest. men naturally feel like they should protect, whether its emotionally or physically. we like cuddling too, and as much as women like receiving flowers, we like buying them. but because these feelings get mixed with just the urge, we label. this helps us separate the two. not all men are praised for sleeping around, but we generally understand when one does.
The only parrt that worries me is that you drink because of your frustationn.......um..you do know know there is a better to tae care of that right?.......with or "without" a partner?
Just stay safe.
And if you were both lesbians I would want to date you both!! ;)~~
Seriously....this is a concept as old as time. Everyone's (male or female) decision to sleep with someone is their own business....unless, of course, it involves someone already in a relationship...
:/
eww.
I would want to know...
so I would ask.
I get that.. but what I don't understand is why only women have to be labeled? Why is it okay and not "gross" (your second comment...) for MEN to sleep around, but it is for women to?
And sorry dude but I gotta say, it's no man's place to ask how many partners a woman has had, and it's not her place to ask either. Not cool.
I just honestly don't get it at all. Any of what you're saying... seems... well... ridiculous... so I need some explanation...
It's not only "sluts" who have casual sex here and there, and it's not only "good girls" who make great girlfriends.
I'm single. I still need sex. How am I supposed to reconcile this problem? I could have sex.. but then I'm a "slut" and when the next guy I want to date finds out he might change his view of me once he finds out that I played around a little while I was single.
Does satisfying MY needs make me a slut? Or does it make me human? How high do my numbers have to be before I'm labeled a slut? Do guys, when labeling, take into consideration what percentage of a woman's adult life has been spent single? I doubt it.
Myself, I've been single the vast majority of my adult life... for being as chronically single as I am I've managed to keep pretty low numbers, but compared to a women who's been in relationships most of the time and therefore getting her needs satisified regularly without having to sleep around a bit, I look like a slut. Does that seem fair? Why should I have to deny myself the satisfation of my natural, human urges just so that guys see me as "dateable" material instead of "onenightstand" material.....?
And if you really want to feel special, then it's about more than just sex. So BE special. It doesn't matter is she's had one or one hundred sex partners, if there's something there you want to love about her, then do it.
Thank GOD my husband "got it"... yeah, I slept around quite a bit, but I LOVE him.
AND I just want to make sure my point wasn't lost... PLEASE be careful who you get in a car with, who you spend the night with... PLEASE. It's dangerous out there; I know this.
I can sort of get that.. but not really. I mean, let's take my ex for instance. I was head over heals in love with him. He was my world. That should have been all he needed to feel "special." Whether I had been with 3 guys before him or 30, it doesn't change the fact that he was the only guy I loved. And if we're talking about wanting to feel "special" I think it would mean more to someone to ask if they are the first person you've been in love with, or been in a serious relationship with, rather than how many they've slept with. Sex doesn't always mean anything, commitment does. That's what, if anything, people should be "jealous" about..
And about the STD thing - still doesn't matter how many partners. Could have slept with 1 dude and got herpes, or slept with 50 and have nothing. It's luck o the draw. Obviously your odds go up with numbers, but it's not like there's a rule that if you sleep with 5 dudes you have a disease. Even if he does ask how many, that still doesn't tell him she's got an STD. That's where trust comes in. You've got to just straight up hope that the person you're with is clear. I'm just as worried about getting one as anyone else is - but I have NEVER asked a guy how many partners he has had. And i bet no guys ask the chick they pick up at the bar how many guys she's slept with... only the girl he is dating. So it's got nothing to do with STDs.....