Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am so sick and tired of being held to higher standards than men when it comes to my sex life. Extremely tired of it.
For the most part, I do not sleep around. I generally only sleep with guys I am actually dating, though I have had a couple "friends with benefits" type of dealios in the past. Sometimes though it gets really hard trying to "keep my numbers down" and whatnot. My ex broke up with me over 8 and a half months ago. I haven't had sex since. Hell, I haven't even fooled around at all since. It was getting to the point where I was so fucking sexually frustrated that I just couldn't handle it anymore. The past few months I've been drinking a lot more than usual and I know it is because I was sexually frustrated. It happens to everyone - male or female. So why is it that when I finally say "fuck it, I'm getting myself laid!" I am made to feel like I've done something dirty or wrong, meanwhile all the guys around me go out hunting tail every freaking weekend, and that's okay? I don't get it. We all have needs, regardless of our gender. Once you've become sexually active you really can't just stop. I've gone extremely long periods of time between sexual encounters, solely because I don't want to be a slut (and also I am petrified of herpes... but mostly it's the slut thing..) But I am starting to see how totally unfair that is. Why is it that I have to feel ashamed when I start seeing someone and they ask how many guys I have been with? Why is it that it doesn't seem to matter how many girls a guy has been with? Not freaking fair!
Last night I finally did say "fuck it!" and I went out with this guy I met on the weekend (who, by the way, is suuuuuper cute!) and I slept with him. God, do I ever feel a million times better! It's like I can finally breathe again! But what happened when I rolled in this morning? My brother, whom I live with, asked me, of course, what time I got home last night. I told him I didn't, I just got home this morning. Right away he was like "did you seriously sleep with that guy on your first date?" I replied with honesty, "yes... yes I did." Then of course he gives me a speech about how I shouldn't sleep with a guy on the first date and blah blah blah. I get it, he's my brother, but the thing is he is perfectly okay with me having sex - in fact we are very open with each other about it. But somehow it is different when I am not in a relationship, apparently. So I responded to him asking "so, how many girls have you slept with in the past 8 months while my legs have been glued shut?" He said "that's different"... and I said "no.. it's not. I know of at least 4 you have been with since I moved here 5 months ago.. how is that okay, but me sleeping with one dude after 8 months of getting nothing not okay?" And he said "because it is different for guys. We need sex and we can't just get it all the time. A girl can get sex whenever she wants it, we have to work for it so we take it when we can get it" So I responded with "so why is it not okay for me to, once in a while, when I really need it, to give in and have myself a romp?" That's when the conversation ended.
So here is my question that I want to pose to everyone here, but especially the males:
Do you hold women to a different standard than you hold men? Why?
(and please answer honestly... I'm not going to hate you or be mad about whatever your answer is... clearly I still love and care about all my guy friends and my brother despite the fact that they all unanimously seem to hold the above opinion..."
For the most part, I do not sleep around. I generally only sleep with guys I am actually dating, though I have had a couple "friends with benefits" type of dealios in the past. Sometimes though it gets really hard trying to "keep my numbers down" and whatnot. My ex broke up with me over 8 and a half months ago. I haven't had sex since. Hell, I haven't even fooled around at all since. It was getting to the point where I was so fucking sexually frustrated that I just couldn't handle it anymore. The past few months I've been drinking a lot more than usual and I know it is because I was sexually frustrated. It happens to everyone - male or female. So why is it that when I finally say "fuck it, I'm getting myself laid!" I am made to feel like I've done something dirty or wrong, meanwhile all the guys around me go out hunting tail every freaking weekend, and that's okay? I don't get it. We all have needs, regardless of our gender. Once you've become sexually active you really can't just stop. I've gone extremely long periods of time between sexual encounters, solely because I don't want to be a slut (and also I am petrified of herpes... but mostly it's the slut thing..) But I am starting to see how totally unfair that is. Why is it that I have to feel ashamed when I start seeing someone and they ask how many guys I have been with? Why is it that it doesn't seem to matter how many girls a guy has been with? Not freaking fair!
Last night I finally did say "fuck it!" and I went out with this guy I met on the weekend (who, by the way, is suuuuuper cute!) and I slept with him. God, do I ever feel a million times better! It's like I can finally breathe again! But what happened when I rolled in this morning? My brother, whom I live with, asked me, of course, what time I got home last night. I told him I didn't, I just got home this morning. Right away he was like "did you seriously sleep with that guy on your first date?" I replied with honesty, "yes... yes I did." Then of course he gives me a speech about how I shouldn't sleep with a guy on the first date and blah blah blah. I get it, he's my brother, but the thing is he is perfectly okay with me having sex - in fact we are very open with each other about it. But somehow it is different when I am not in a relationship, apparently. So I responded to him asking "so, how many girls have you slept with in the past 8 months while my legs have been glued shut?" He said "that's different"... and I said "no.. it's not. I know of at least 4 you have been with since I moved here 5 months ago.. how is that okay, but me sleeping with one dude after 8 months of getting nothing not okay?" And he said "because it is different for guys. We need sex and we can't just get it all the time. A girl can get sex whenever she wants it, we have to work for it so we take it when we can get it" So I responded with "so why is it not okay for me to, once in a while, when I really need it, to give in and have myself a romp?" That's when the conversation ended.
So here is my question that I want to pose to everyone here, but especially the males:
Do you hold women to a different standard than you hold men? Why?
(and please answer honestly... I'm not going to hate you or be mad about whatever your answer is... clearly I still love and care about all my guy friends and my brother despite the fact that they all unanimously seem to hold the above opinion..."
I cast off those ideas years ago.
I am a woman and I have the kind of sex I want to have...When I want to have it, and with whom.
I don't give one whit about what others think of it.
I see the double standards, pity those who embrace them, and move on.
Uhhhm, . I hold women (and men) to basically the same standards I hold for myself.
"Why?"
Compatibility
I don't know. I asked my best friend (guy) and he says it has to do with penetration and what not...that girls get dirty from all of that "activity" where as guys just jump in the shower and are brand new once again. Yeah, I know, I had a few raised eyebrows at that answer too.
It's so frustrating because I torture myself for months and months on end by restraining myself and holding out "just a little while longer" til I find someone I like enough to actually date (which is hard because I am SUPER picky in the dating department!) and then when I do go ahead with it, I end up feeling a million times better physically (and psychologically too) because I've finally been relieved, but then I also feel like crap about the fact that I've added another notch to the headboard... grrrrrrr
I'm not allowing myself to feel bad about it this time. I'm going to fight that feeling with everything I've got. I needed something so I went and got it.
What other people think about it or about you falls under the category of not your problem.
Having said that, yes, your brother is going to be protective, and that is sweet of him. And you are going to do what you want, and that is what you should do... be yourself. Certainly I see no gender differences, casual sex is the same whether you are a man or a woman.
What I DO see, and know from personal experience, is that women have to be more aware of personal safety factors than men do, in general.
In my twenties, I trusted everyone. Now I know better. Not only would I not stay overnight with someone I just met, but I wouldn't go in their apartment alone, and I probably wouldn't get in a car with them.
I had some close calls and some ugly situations because I didn't know what could happen. Thank God I'm here to tell you to be careful.
I say screw anyone that has a comment on your sex life, including future boyfriends. I don't need to give my hubby an accounting of how many men I've slept with; I made sure he knew that it was not really relevant early in our relationship too.
But BE CAREFUL. Both by practicing safe sex, and by being choosy who you trust. Make sure someone knows where you are all the time. Stay in touch.
HUGS hon
ummmm... not literally, of course.
I am suuuuper conscious about the risks and I always protect myself. There has only ever been one guy that I have slept with that I didn't use domers with and that was my ex, the love of my life (or so I thought), and we had been using them but we had one break and since I am on birth control anyways we just kinda said "what's the point in using them now... if one of us had something, it's been passed on already..." Other than that, use 'em every time. It's just straight up stupid not to!