I think I mainly needed to vent.  If anyone has any useful information I could use it, however.

I feel like I am so underwater, like financially drowning.  I'm at a point where I am using credit for everything and have never been in that position, that is how long it took me to find a job.  As I was searching for a job, my beloved car lived out it's life.  I had to trade it in.  It had like $3500.00 in repairs to start, and that was way too much for me, the engine was having issues.  I drove it without incident for eight years. Poor car, I miss it.  Anyway, because I was making so much less money the last two years being a student, I could not really afford to get the good car that I wanted, I settled for something a little older that had more miles, but still less than half the miles of my old car.  I have a payment that I can afford and a service contract (I need to know what this covers) but I don't even have the tags or license, and it's already falling apart!!!  I was spitting mad this weekend.  I have a feeling the former owner was a smoker it smells bad when the air is not going, the front end shakes, and now the engine light is on.  I am spending money on Ubers to get to the mechanic and back, I took it to him today, If it turns out that it is the catalytic converter I am going to be furious.  I traded in a car a while back just for that very reason.  It does not technically fall under lemon laws because it's been 15 days and 500 miles.  I still might follow up with a lawyer if it's something serious.  I looked at the car that I actually wanted, which is the same price as the current car-but they would roll two car loans into one due to negative equity. Not acceptable.  I'm mad as hell. Plus the new company made me sign off that I had reliable transportation for work-I thought I did!!!!

Anyway, my weekend was meh, I was a bit depressed as I got ghosted by a man that I was supposed to go on a date with.  I was not invited to the friends' 4th party. I was feeling sorry for myself.

I was feeling a bit better on Monday, yesterday, and went to therapy.  I was getting out of my funk and looking forward to my new job that is supposed to start on the 21st.  The recruiter texted me today because the team wanted to know if I could start on the 14th. I can't really because I have jury duty. I don't think it's a good idea to try to postpone jury duty again because in May I postponed it to July.  If I am able to postpone it to September that will be right in the middle of the contract when I am in the middle of the contract...and then they will just summon me until I come up for my turn.  You really can't get out of jury duty. My feeling is that I will probably have to go for one or two days-it's municipal court.  I feel like I need to get it out of the way or else they will just keep on resummoning me until I serve my time. There never is a good time for it.  My dad seems to feel that I should try to get out of it as I'm supposed to start this new job.  I don't know what the best course of action is. I don't want to lose out on the new job.  I've searched for a very long time and turned down something else to take this.  I texted the recruiter that I have jury duty on the 14th, but that I may be able to start later that week.  I never heard back. I left a text and then later a voicemail.  I still have not heard back. I feel anxious that they might go with someone else if I can't come in on the 14th. This is a problem.

I also had a dark feeling today that I could not shake, just a foreboding feeling like someone from my family was going to call me with bad news. It would not go away, and I felt like I was going to get some kind of sad communication, my throat was so tight and my head was pounding. My mom called on the uber ride home  to tell me that my cousin passed away. She was also mad that I ddin't get her message this morning. She said that she called and left a message- but there is nothing in my call history. I felt dark and sad about my cousin. He was very ill but I will miss him. I walked in the house feeling very heavy and dark.

I got home and tried to make the eggplant parmesan. Again, the oven was not working. I had it all set to go and the baking coil would not turn on. The broiler works but baking is intermittent. Finally it worked but only at 500 degrees. Way too hot. The dish got seriously overcooked and does not taste ok. I don't have money to get this fixed either. I just feel like today was one thing after another. I'm going to need a car to get to work and I'm going to need this job. 

I am extremely stressed out.