So I've struggled with depression and anxiety for the best part of 6 years now. I've came a long way since my failed suicide attempts and hospitalisation. But right now as I type this I have no job, my driving license has been revoked but the main thing that's bothering me now is that I feel I'm living a lie with my current gf. My marriage broke up this time last year and after months of crying myself to sleep I eventually found someone. Fast forward a few months and she became pregnant with my child. The thing is I feel so terribly guilty as I struggle to sleep at night thinking about my wife (I'm still technically married) and how much I still miss her. She had originally wanted a break but after a few months it became clear she didn't want me no more. I've struggled with this for ages now. My anxious mind now keeps playing tricks with me and I ask myself am I still in love with my wife? Do I love my gf? I know the most important thing in all of this our unborn child which I will love with all my heart of that I've no doubt but is it fair on my gf just to keep 'going through the motions'. I question myself all the time and still have suicidal thoughts from time to time. I've lost all confidence in myself and I've been putting off getting a job as my anxiety hits turbo when I think of having to work again. I KNOW suicide isn't an option I really don't wanna go down that path again but I'm struggling to make my own decisions am I being selfish for having feelings still? I'm due to see my psychiatrist again in a couple of weeks so I'll be sure to speak it over with him. Thanks for reading, much love cheers.
What do you look for on a menu at a restaurant or cook for yourself that you enjoy the most for dinner??My fav is ribs that are so good that the meat falls off the bones, with a baked potato...I could eat ribs twice a week every week!!
Brian Eno - An Ending https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=782&v=alo3KFRfLvE