Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
One of my two closest friends had moved out of the apartment area we shared and into the town next to mine. It's a 30 minute drive, but we only get to meet up once every week or two now. Anyways, I met with her today and her and I have always been honest with one another. We were driving today and she asked how I've been and what I've been doing recently to harm myself if at all. When I told her I ran out of whatever prescription drugs I had lying around the house and that I've been even just using my inhaler to raise my heartbeat at this point just in hopes of anything to happen she asked me a question. "What are you trying to accomplish here? Do you truly want to kill yourself?" And I honestly had no idea. I want to die, but do I want to kill myself? I never wind up doing enough of anything that gets me hospitalized, but I always do a little more of what I can get ahold of than the last times in hopes of bringing myself dangerously close to death. Am I scared to die? Am I too afraid to really cause damage or commit suicide? It's like I can't stand to live, but I don't take the extra steps to end myself either. It's brought up a wave of confusion. What am I really aiming for? It's like I was acting without knowing what my intentions truly were. And I want to know my intentions so I can choose to act on them. Is that terrible or what? I explained all this to my friend and she began raising her voice at me and telling me to look her in the eye and tell her I truly want to kill myself if that's what I really want. And I couldn't do it. She gave me the biggest hug and kissed me. She said "I'm not mad, I'm not upset. I'm disappointed." She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the store so we could continue on with our good day as if we never had this dark conversation. And she is just such an amazing friend. I'm so truly blessed for her. Her voice was so comforting and the words out of her mouth are ringing loudly, yet soothingly, in my head. It's just really brought the thoughts and questions up in my head, and I'm really struggling to figure out why I can't kill myself and what I'm trying for when I attempt overdosing, but never take the amount to do a number on my body. What is it? I'm sorry this post is long, but any words would be appreciated here... <3
-
check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
-
I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
Hold on xxx
When I was in my mid 20's, I was suffering from severe depression and was suicidal and always placing myself in harms way. A close friend suggested I start running so I did but it was very hard for me, since I was out of shape and over weight. I started jogging the distance between two telephone poles and I did this every single day. Eventually, my body began to get use to it and I would gradually add another telephone pole if I felt I could go a little further. Over time, I had increased my daily distance and long story short, about 15 years later, I completed a marathon! It was an amazing experience and one I'll always remember!
I'm not saying you have to run to be happy but pick a goal you have always dreamed of accomplishing, doesn't matter what it is. Make a list of the steps you need to do to achieve that goal and begin on the first step of that ladder to success. Don't get discouraged if you climb that ladder too fast and find you need to go back a step. The trick is to work at it every day and with small accomplishments come happiness, contentment, and personal satisfaction and then when you reach the top of that ladder.......There is no feeling like it in the world! You just have to experience!
Hope this helps
God Bless!
Tomorrow I'm going to go for a long run. I was doing good going to the gym right before my grandma passed, so I should pick it back up.
I'm also proud of you for completing a marathon. That's a lovely goal to have. I hope to hear of more accomplishments from you and others on here later on as well. God Bless you as well! :)