I don't know. But a good therapist could help you work on it. It's a holiday weekend so there
are even less people around here than normal today.

Tell yourself all your flaws, then tell yourself how you can overcome them. What can you do step by step to make yourself feel better? To erase your flaws. And if they can't be erased. Could they be improved? Could someone help you to improve them? We all want a quick fix to snap us out of a depressive state. But no one ever says it takes every single day of telling yourself you're worth something. Effort. Motivation, but from where? Yourself. Write things down, scribble. Try and find a song that you like and make up your own lyrics to it, describing yourself. Sounds lame, I know. But I do it sometimes. Read a book about love, or how someone learned to love themselves? And how to be accepted. I don't know. I hope my rambling helped. But I don't think we can ever stop self hate as a whole, because there are so many things around us these days telling us we have to be a certain way, that we have to be up to a certain standard. We simply can't just bypass this anymore as we're so self aware. Just tell yourself you love you <3

I believe Absorb has an amazing and inspiring point :)

I'm sorry that no one replied to your last post. I have had that happen before. Sometimes people don't know what to say. I'm sorry you are self-hating. I do agree with that what the book says you can start believing what you tell yourself. But you know what? Even when you aren't feeling good you can pretend you are by telling yourself I'm beautiful,or handsome, I'm a worthwhile person. I can help myself and others.
I hope this makes sense

Right there with you. I am 51 so I would suggest you fight hard as hell to change whatever you can because I didn't at your age. I think I thought some how it would smooth itself out but it hasn't and now it is habit. The only obvious relief I get is forcing myself to do the opposite of what my depression tells me to do. If I force myself to be involved with other people, you know, go out and do something, church, social group, something, anything, than I get out of my head and things are better, much better.

http://www.vastpublicindifference.com/2010/02/remember-me-as-you-pass-by.html

I think the first move to make is a doctor and medication, because I think you have anxiety. I had it, and it came out as a desperate need to be in a relationship with someone, anyone. Someone to keep me safe from life. To protect me from the horrors. But nobody ever actually does protect you. You have to learn to be your own protection; so I would say get on a medication that makes this desperation you feel die down, and then when you're not encumbered by it you might be able to go forwards in some direction that works for your life.

You need a career, you need a home you feel is securely your space, nice clothes, etc. Right? when you have those you maybe will feel stronger, or safer? I am slowly working towards getting all of that. At 35 you still have time to re-educate, and then get a career based on that new education, and build yourself up prior to retirement. For me, at the age of 47, I don't have a heck of a lot of time left and have had to just cut through it and say 'okay what am I already good at, let me take that and run with it' and so admin has been my thing, despite admin being not inspiring at all.

Anyway that's telling you more about me than about you: but the point is, your self esteem comes from your self respect, and your self respect comes from what you have achieved or learned, or can do. The things you have overcome. So to gain it, you have to take on life's challenges and say okay, how shall I win this? And then with grit, determination and gumption, wade on through it and get yourself to the other side.

sometimes people don't answer because they are hurting just as badly. Don't take it personally. we all do what we can when we can. Hugs

Lots of good ideas here, currently supporting a wife with depression and anxiety. Had a good night tonight at a 40th wedding anniversary party, I don't think my wife was looking fwd to it but for the first time in a while we both felt relaxed with each other and enjoyed the evening with family relations. Try doing something different that you wouldn't normally do and that you enjoy. Be comfortable in your own skin as well. All the best....

Self helps books can be helpful for some people...unfortunately if you have severe Depression, long term like you're dealing with, it takes more. A Therapist to help you deal with the trauma/issues behind the Depression and meds to help you get through it are your best bet. Self help books can be dangerous for severely Depressed people, as we tend to not understand why when we do what the Books say it doesn't work....and we're pretty good at blaming ourselves....it can manifest into Suicidal thoughts and expression if you're not careful. I hope that your able to get help from a Professional.

Take care,
Kat

I do have severe depression and its so painful. I spent time at my friends wedding a week ago in tears. I want so much more for my life but feel trapped. I have vivid dreams. I need help on learning to forgive

Hi dyinginside35, I went back and read your first post, I struggle with self-hatred too. I know what it feels like to see your life as being one trauma after another, and I'm so sorry for the pain you feel, I wish I could take it away. I recently started seeing a new therapist, and when I told her some of my life story she told me I was a survivor and that I needed to remind myself of that. You are a survivor too; despite everything you've gone through and how terrible you feel inside you are still here. You belong here, and you deserve a happy life. I know it can feel impossible at times, but please try to stop comparing yourself to your friends. You are on your own path, as is every human being, and we can't be discouraged when other people seem to have it more together than we do. What are some dreams or goals you have? What can you do to start working towards them? Even if it's the tiniest of baby steps, taking control of your life is a great self-esteem boost. Have you considered going to therapy? You're dealing with a lot of trauma, it might help to see a professional who can help you put those self-help books into action.

I am so sorry. It sounds like you are in quite a bit of pain. Self-hate is a very difficult path as the first place we feel love is from ourselves. Forgiveness is not an easy task either. You are such a strong person to be able to vocalize how you are feeling and what needs to change. That is such a great step forward. It sounds like you are in a place where you are tired of feeling low and are ready to move forward. Feeling low isn't always within our control, but choosing to do something about it is. Find a therapist that you genuinely like and trust. If you do this and attend sessions regularly, you will make great strides forward and will feel better. I suffer from anxiety and depression and decided to not go with doctor prescribed medication. Instead I changed routine, started emdr therapy, changed my diet and I take supplements. Everyone is different and you should choose the route that feels most empowering for you. The best advice I received when choosing a therapist was: 1) ask your doctor/family/friends who they would recommend 2) decide what kind of person you feel most at ease with: male/female/softspoken/outgoing and tell people what kind of therapist you are looking for. 3) If you have a session with someone and it doesnt feel good for you, try someone else. It's ok, this needs to be the right fit. This is your life. You deserve to feel great. And I love self help books too. They can feel empowering. Maybe just choose one activity from a book that you feel you connect with to try out for one week. Have you every read any books by Louise Hay or any books by the author last name Sark? I absolutely love Sark's succulent series which are empowering, colorful and fun. They are like workbooks that you read and fill out so they are easy/automatic to follow. Seriously, find Sark's books. Louise Hay is an incredibly knowledgable woman. So insightful and calming to read her writing. I believe she has a website too. Stay in touch. I am here if you would like to message me.

And your question: How do you stop self hate?

I learned this from my therapist and also a guided meditation gave me a similar technique to try. Anytime you find yourself thinking difficult thoughts about yourself or even find your mind jumping to conclusions about a negative outcome to a situation which has not happened yet. You tell yourself "You are wrong, that information is incorrect. I am choosing to trust and love myself"

Louise Hay has a similar technique that I am going to try. Whenever you step down onto your left foot. You say to yourself: "I accept myself and I am loved" or "I accept and Love myself". You do this for about a month. (Intense right? Everytime you step with your left foot)

I use the first technique regularly . Some days are certainly more challenging and I say it more than others, but it does help bc I am not playing into the negative thoughts. I am shutting them down.

Im sorry youre dealing with this- Ive dealt with self hate sporadically..it seems like I have had self love at times but it was fake because the source was from basically being a slut , the attention from men temporarily makig me feel better. I dont have an answer, except that if what you say os true- that what you tell yourself affects how you feel about yourself- then it could work in reverse too right? Like you could tell yourself good thngs about yourself, and eventually, you may start to believe it. And Im almost 100 percent sure, though i dont know you, that the positive things you could tell yourself would be way more realistic and accurate than the things that contribute to self hate. Its always like that..anyway, what kinds of things have other people said? A lot of people project- like the rhings they hate on themselves, they externalize and put others down for it. You can message me if you want to talk more..

I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. My heart goes out to you at this time. You don’t need to be hard on yourself. You are precious, and no situation is hopeless. I know it’s not easy to go through depression. It’s a very complex issue that deserves personal and in-depth attention. I’d suggest that you consider counseling. A caring professional therapist would be in an excellent position to offer support and help you to cope with your difficulties. I just said a prayer for you, and I hope that God will surround you with His healing presence and fill you with His joy, strength, and peace. Please know that we all care about you and are here to support you. Stay strong, friend. Hugs & prayers!