I paid my tax's. ISom of tax's I paid, went for state assistance programs.
so if I were laid off - unemplyeed. hell ya I would ttake withdraw of tax's that I paid into these programs.
ya it is liken to making bank deposits, and when needed taken a small withdraw %.
I paid tax's for those who need state assistance... There are also charity housing assistance. again it is a tax deduction. it iss a program that assistance unemployed, vets elderly...
It would @#%&$ me off to know that my tax's were not being used for these programs.
Again I do not resent those who may need temporary r long term assistance. Do u resent people using small % of tax's that they paid in...

I have no objection to people using unemployment, and when they are on unemployment they are supposed to be job hunting and compile a list of (1) where they contacted to try to obtain jobs, (2) where they left resumes,(3) where they left resumes.

So either way, Mustang's adult son still will need to be out job hunting.

CORRECTION: (3) Should read WHERE THEY FILLED OUT APPLICATIONS.

As parents our job is to place as many controls as necessary on children (regardless of age of majority) to help them move toward independence. What is codependent is to allow our personal feelings to ever get in the way of helping them toward becoming totally independent of us. Being a parent means doing what is best for the child regardless of our feelings.

No normal parent enjoys putting a young child in time out. Yet, time outs are vital to teaching children limits and boundaries. Adult children who have never taken the final step of independence of being totally responsible for themselves are in danger of missing the final frightening step of going out and finally being totally independent. Parents do NOT loss the responsibility for pushing a staled child to take that next step toward independent adulthood.

Parents who allow their personal feelings to destroy an adult child's step out into the world are holding them back. That is the codependent position.

Allowing a young adult to live rent and cost free in a home where their presence strains the budget is allowing them to behave without any responsibility to society. That only teaches them to be lazy.

A good father takes any and all the work necessary to support the children he helped to create. For young adults, there are no jobs which are "beneath them" when their home in which they live is in danger of being lost. They go "on the street" along with parents. So responsible parents set boundaries and expect help with bills from adult children in return for that roof over their heads. No healthy able bodied adult has the right to sit around being taken care expecting that others are supposed to work hard to make their lives easy.

Of course, one has to first be a responsible parent to actually understand these things. Parents who ignored their legal liability to provide support for their children or ignored signed court documents which their own lawyers helped them negotiate would naturally claim that parents are supposed to provide a soft place for an adult child to spend their days never ever having to experience the challenges in life.

One understand the parenting record of the adults offering advice before choosing valuable advice. Just as we would not expect a selfish bank robber to understand the damage to others, we can expect that parents who shirked their own responsibilities will naturally want to tell others to also ignore their responsibility.

I suspect that this is a real reason why many children when they get older have to seek out their own recovery from their own codependency which they learned from their controlling parents.

Codependency is about "control" and the codependency dysfunctions are passed down from parents to their children.

Why can not the children control their self? because the parent(s) take control.

Why does the adult child lack self-esteem? because the child did not learn to control their own life.

Why do children have codependency? because their parents gave them the codependency.

Why not instead of pushing the adult son into a trashy job - ask the young Man what kind of a professional career does he want for him self? and then see what he feels.

Give up the parental control, and let the adult child control their own self.

That would be a better way and a healthier way, and it would be a non-controlling / non codependent way.

As long as the adult child is still living under the roof of the parents, they still have rules of the home that need to be obeyed. Most homes have rules. They don't like it, they can go out and get their own place to live. We were required to go to school and work. Doing that really doesn't kill a child.

AsTimeGoesBy,

I am so sorry that anyone would be so ignorant to another person on this board as to suggest that they took work that was "trashy". There simply is no excuse for anyone to be walking around judging another persons working in such a way.

NO one but an abusive person would ever suggest to anyone anywhere that any legal work is "trashy" or "beneath them". I am completely shocked to see that we have such an ignorant person who actually believes they have the right to be so judgmental and make abusive comments putting down anyone's work.

TO suggest to a young adult that work is "beneath them" is totally abusive. Working your way up in this world is the best way to become a good manager. The worst ones are those who honestly believe that any work is beneath them. They treat others like dirt who have those "beneath" them jobs.

WOW! I am simply amazed that such ignorance still exists in anyone.
But then I guess someone who has no idea how to actually raise children to be independent might spout such ignorance. Those who have never done a job are always the worst judgers because they simply have no idea what it takes.

Still it is really sad to see such ignorance being spouted as worthwhile to healing codependency when allowing children to never grow up and move out is totally codependent.

AsTimeGoesBY,

I see by your reply on this page that someone must be claiming that an adult child should be allowed to take over the parents home and change the rules.
Coupled with the OP's comments one must assume that someone is suggesting that once children reach the age of majority they magically become able to function as adults without actually ever having to do any of the work of being an adult. Such utter and total nonsense. The only people who make such suggestions have never actually raised any children living in their home. They are trying to make others wrong because they still have unresolved issues with their own parents. Letting a child take over parents hard earned homes just because they live a certain number of years is just an attempt by others to create chaos in the lives of parents who work hard to ensure that children grow up to be responsible adults. Those who are self aware enough to realize that one can't understand a job without having actually done the work realize that running around constantly judging others and telling them all the "wrong" things they do is wasting a life.

The old saying, "don't judge a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes" is just so applicable to people who think they know better than the parents.

One can never ever make such ignorance go away. Those types will always think reading a book is a good substitute for actually raising a child. There is no hope for those who think they know how to parent without ever parenting. Sadly, nothing can be said to such abusers because they are so certain they know everything that they will never realize that they know nothing at all.

There is no point in ever trying to have a conversation with someone who only thinks they know. They just don't get how ignorant of the actual realities of the job they are.

wouldn't a court order of parent r ... to be accountable of adult child. the child may be mental disables. unable to provide care for them self.
Other than that I do not know where it would b court ordered.
There are many types of power of/over a person.

A few yrs ago my eldest was laid off for 3 fiull months. he covered 2 of 3 months. we enter a legal agreement. he did make pymts, he did pay me back in full.
family is family. business is just that, business.
I did my job.

Again if u n your mate agree to provide temporary roof. I suggest work in exchange for rent. I would take his ___ to social dept and make sure that he applys for food assistance.
You know what to do, & what has to be done.

You can do this. Your helping him. ya he might heehaw, so what. do what has to be done to make him stand on his own 2 feet.

I do not see it as codependent to teach your child to become a self-supporting, contributing member of society. That is a parent's job. If I were to hold my son back and make him dependent on me because, say, I was afraid he would grow up and leave me, then that would be codependent. I am not controlling his life. He's free to choose where to work and how often, or to not work at all. But to not work means he has no gas for his car or insurance for it either. And no money for extras. He's growing up because he's forced to. It's his desires that are driving his need to get a job, not me.

We do have choices.

Either we can deal with the codependency, or else hang onto the controls.

Telling a son - to put out or to get out - is abusive control.

Teaching an adult child is fine, but using codependency as a weapon to control the child is not fine.

And what is wrong with this = "ask the young Man what kind of a professional career does he want for him self? and then see what he feels."

We are under no obligation to take care of our adult children. We do so willingly, but when that care is abused by lazy kids who would rather game all day then get a job to support themselves, then it's time for them to fly the nest and see what it's like to truly live on their own. Many adult children today have no clue what it's like to act like a grown-up - they stay home way too long, spend more money than they make, prioritize play over work, and place way more emphasis on job satisfaction than making enough to support themselves. Job satisfaction is important, but you don't know if you are satisfied with a job or not if you don't actually have one. I agree this son should be questioned about his abilities and interests, but as an adult it is his responsibility to take the initiative, not his parents'.

Hey Mustang...
My son needed to be in school and have a job, when he was 16. If he didn't do these things he got no social life or phone, video games, privileges, etc. For 2 years he choose not to work and have no privileges or social life but he did go to school.
So once he decided that he could make his own rules and still not work and then skip school I gave him an eviction letter.
He still isn't working and hasn't graduated high school yet. It SUCKED having to throw him out, but if I didn't I would be feeling the choices of his consequences and not him.
When you or I don't have a job, can we live with our parents (I can't)...so I have to find one, immediately...good or bad, whether I want it or not. Tough love is hard, but necessary and only YOU can decided if you need to do it or not!! Good luck.

That is the point of having ONE child at a time. There are evolutionary imperatives that drive what we do with our children. It makes no sense to run around codling a full grown adult who has known for 18 years that adulthood is coming and they are expected to function as an adult.
That is like allowing a child to drive a car without ever teaching them and expecting them to follow the rules of the road.