When I was young, I thought I would never have children because I did not want them to suffer, as I had. The suffering I endured was not necessary but it did teach me a great deal.

My life is so good and so much better than it would have been without children. As you say, they teach us so much! I thank God every day that I had the courage to step out and take a chance and thankful to my hubby for going there with me! If you think being a mom is awesome, it only gets better as a grandmother! No explaining it, until you have lived this part of your life! You are blessed! I love the explanation of Jesus flipping the lights off and on! What a smart and faithful little boy you have!

Today I've been reminded just how much I have. My son asked me why the man he saw was so hungry (a man not begging for money, but for food). I told him that life happens sometimes, because he is so young he doesn't quite understand that. So when we got to the shops he ran to the bread isle and packed in some bread then he ran to the peanut butter and jam and grabbed some of that as well, he said this was the hungry mans present. I teared up and told him he can pick out some more food, so that we could give it to the man. He got all sorts of things and then he saw some blankets and a jacket and he asked if we could get that too and some shoes because the hungry man didn't have shoes. Maurice reminded me today how much I take for granted. We don't have a lot of money, but we eat everyday, sleep in a nice soft warm bed and have a roof over our heads. My son, as young as he is, has this amazingly giving personality. He always shares his toys and will give away all his sweets to a kid that does not have any. Today he amazed me even more. When we got outside we took the groceries to the man and this man bent down and kissed my boy and then told him he is so beautiful, i don't think he meant looks wise, I think he was referred to his warm compassionate personality. My son is almost three and he did what most grownups just don't want to do or get involved in, because we feel we have enough problems of our own. We neglect those in need, because it's just too much effort. We don't want to see the problems that this very beautiful but very cruel world has. When we got home and he ate is sandwich, he kept half of it so that we could take it to the hungry man tomorrow. I was humbled and so very very proud of my son. We moan about how bad our lives are, but is our lives really that bad compared to some?

awsome story Kim. Youve got a luvly wee man their

What an inspiring story, Kim. What a sweet child you have. And what a wonderful mother you are to see that in him and let it flourish

Today I miss my grandmother very much. Today it feels like a piece of my soul is missing, because I haven't dreamt of her since her birthday. Since she passed on, I've been dreaming of her every night, so I never really moved on, because as silly as it sounds I felt like she was with me every night. My dreams were always vivid and I could feel her and smell her. The night of before her birthday, I dreamt of her. She told me it's time to let go and she just walked away. I woke up sobbing, my heart aching, because I still don't know how to exist in a world where she doesn't. I have a beautiful son and I will carry on for him, but today, I feel like I've got a hole in my soul, a piece of it ripped out so violently and so suddenly that I feel like I can't breathe. So I have decided I will write about her

She was the most amazing woman I ever had the privilege to know. She never gave birth to me, but she gave me life. She was warm, compassionate, loving and the most caring person in this world. She made my life worth living, she made me smile and laugh, she was my very best friend. She always gave her honest opinion, whether I liked it or not. She taught me how to speak and how to love. She made me a better mom, a better person. She gave me everything she had, she told me when I was just being silly and she gave me structure. I didn't always agree with her, but we could sit down and talk without shouting, to figure things out. If she didn't have an answer she told me she will sleep on it and get back to me. She made my world a better place to live. She was such a strong woman, she outlived all of her friends and brothers and sisters and mother and father and husband. She took my sisters and I in at the age of 55 and raised us the best way she knew how. She had the magic touch, when I was feeling blue, she would hold me and the whole world at that very moment made sense. She always had time to give, she always had love to give, she always made the best with what she had. She was my mother, my confidant, my teacher, my mentor, my very best friend, my caregiver, my adviser, my life, she was the better part of me. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be here. She was and will remain in my thoughts until the day I die. And I thank her every day for being part of my life and for teaching me that life is worth living, no matter what happens.

I love you gran, always and forever, promise, really really.

I'm am now starting to move on, it still feels like I've got something missing. I still want to run to my gran as soon as my son does something new and tell her how proud I am of him. I've been telling my son that if he goes up and down the stairs he need to concentrate, today I asked him what he needs to do and he said, Maurice must concentrate. He said it so beautifully and perfect. He's already learn how to say his surname (which is Giudici) and he knows my cellphone number. I couldn't have asked for a better son. I want to thank everyone on here for bearing with me through the tough times and read my posts. I know I tend to speak about everything and anything. As I have said my mind works like a gumball machine. I have found friends here and support. You guys are the best. I have grown so much in these past few months, with hiccups and such. But as I said I'm getting there. I want to thank BarbieO and Miller (Aron) the most. You guys mean so much to me. Kisses and lots and lots of big bear hugs.

Now that I am finished sobbing I think I can reply! :)

You are a gifted writer and did such a beautiful job of describing your grandma/mom! It's good to let go but it's okay to talk to her in your prayers. She left you a legacy and you are passing it on to your son. What a beautiful story and you are living it!

You are amazing and I have no doubt that your grandma is smiling down on you. I don't talk to my departed loved ones, as much as I used to, but I still talk to them. During my most sincere prayers, I think they are the closest!

Keep living the dreams that your grandma blessed you with! Your son is one lucky little boy!

Yet again I havent been online much. I'm sitting here thinking of my life and where it is now. And I've come to realise that even though it's not perfect and all rosy with moonlight. It's really really not a bad life I've got. I've had a lot of off days these past few weeks, where I've missed my gran so much I literally had a heartache, where I've thought that I have accomplished nothing and in general how much my life just sucks (I know, I'm extremely self-involved)

Then once again it hit me like a raindrop out of the sky, I don't have a bad life.

I have a wonderfully, amazing, breathtakingly stunning son, that I made from scratch, I carried him for 39 weeks and 3 days. I felt him grow, and kick every time I read him a Grimm's fairytale or played rock music, I felt him hick-up and move and turn inside of me. Then on the day I gave birth to him, I held his little hand. His very very tiny little hand and fingers wrapped the top part of my thumb and then I knew that I would never ever in my life abandon or abuse him or break his soul down.

Now at the age of 2 years 8 months, he is going to a school for gifted youngsters. And I couldnt be prouder. He has filled my life with joy, happiness, love, patience, understanding and forgiveness. He makes me a better person. He makes me smile, hes made me realise that I have a heart, its has been broken, beaten and torn apart, but it still works. Maurice, who has been the inspiration for so many things I have tried these past few months some willingly and others not so much. He inspires me to be better, to try harder, to wait a little longer, and to see the brighter side, to look and listen with my heart and not with my eyes and ears.

My heart beats for my son, Maurice.

My Pokkelnonsterjie, I will love you forever and then some!!!

.< yes ill admit it now. Im going to be super protective over her. this is weird but she looks like me -.-
Growing up i dont have any baby pictures of me before my 1st surgery. Yes i admit i know my mother was shamed. No i wont take it personally . Yes my mother was only 18 when she had me LOL.
It took a while, and a of self hate, but i'm learning to turn this negative energy to something positive. I won't let it break me nor will i let my niece break herself.

Hey you guys! so this is my niece. We welcomed her to this world in nov 2012. Shes has cleft lip only no palate like mine :D
>.< yes ill admit it now. Im going to be super protective over her. this is weird but she looks like me -.-
Growing up i dont have any baby pictures of me before my 1st surgery. Yes i admit i know my mother was shamed. No i wont take it personally . Yes my mother was only 18 when she had me LOL.
It took a while, and a of self hate, but i'm learning to turn this negative energy to something positive. I won't let it break me nor will i let my niece break herself.

FML sorry for re-posting so much but it keeps cutting off my comment and i dont know how to delete it

Kimi, I think it is most amazing to those of us you have struggled, when we have children. We appreciate them more than most, in my opinion and they amaze us. You are blessed to have each other, you and Maurice. My nephew's middle name is Marice. I love him!

Wow, it's been ions since I've been on here. Things have been hectic. My son has been sick for almost 2 months, every time the doc says it's something different and after many medications, he still did not get better. I tried telling people that there is something more wrong with my son, and as usual people said it's because I'm a first time mother and I'm being paranoid. The last time he went to the doc, I said right, now you do tests, cos after 7 times at the doc and no results, I needed to know whats wrong. After many tests, it turned out he had asthma. Now he's doing better, with the correct meds. So he is back to being a cute little boy that has his own little, but very strong will and he is not above telling you that your wrong. At the age of 2 years and 9 months, he is well above average. Doing things that a 6 year old can do. It's amazing. I'm not smart or funny or pretty, but I sure as hell made a beautiful, amazingly intelligent boy from scratch. He's school is moving him up again for the third time in 2 months to a more advanced class, as he has already out grown his class. He is so gifted and such an amazing little boy. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone in this world. And although there are a lot of difficult times, he is still the best thing I ever did in my life!

Totally agree that my sons are my greatest accomplishments. I was relieved when there were no clefts but i think it is important to retain our own dignity about our self worth. Our identity must be tied up in who we are, although all functional parents are amazed and proud of their kids.

I know I dont come on this site often anymore, but today I felt it was necessary .....

Last night a great man passed away, hes legacy he gave to the world gave us all hope. The hope that we all would live to love and cherish and honour each and every human on this beautiful planet of ours. Hes heart was overflowing with peace and kindness, so much that it crept into the darkest of places and made it glimmer. He gave his soul, his life and his heart to help children, as they were his weak spot. He made us aware that we all bleed red, we are all of this earth, this land, this nation. He had a way about him that would brighten the darkest cloud, he moved with the rhythm of his heartbeat, he spoke with gentleness, respect and admiration.

He had an infectious laugh, his eyes always sparkled with optimism. His glass was never half full, it was over flowing. To say he was a great man, is an understatement. He was magnificent; his presence is felt throughout the world. He will be forever woven in our souls.

Blessed be Nelson Mandela, may you soar into you next life.