Being positive all the time is exhausting, it's a lot more easy just to see the negative. Whether it is in people or situations. We moan and bitch about a lot of crazy stupid things, it's too hot, it's too cold, it takes to long. Giving up is an easy exit. Working on being positive has it's downsides. I'm a pessimist, as people say. My believe was that if I expect something to go wrong I will never be disappointed. The fact of the matter is, being disappointed is part of life. Every one, even the true pessimist, has hopes and getting those hopes shattered, just makes us more pessimistic. But then I look at my son, he gets upset if something doesn't go his way, but 5 minutes later his over it and moves on. So I realised that I should do that. It's ok to get upset or mad, but only give those emotions 5 minutes to linger, then move on. I've applied this reasoning to my live this past week. And believe it or not, it helps. There is almost nothing in this world that works smoothly. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to planning and executing something, so when something goes wrong, no matter how small, I feel that everything is spoiled. Now I give myself only 5 minutes to moan and be negative and rant and rave, then I take a breath and move on. So having a not so perfect day isn't as bad as it was. My son is teaching me a lot, he is rescuing me, from me without even knowing it. He has been on this beautiful earth for 25 months now and he has taught me a lot more than what I have taught him. He is the one perfect thing I ever did and I love him more than anything is this whole world. Life is a strange thing and sometimes life lessons comes from little people

Thanks! I needed that! Been wallowing all day. Have health issues unrelated to cleft and feeling sorry for myself as I sit in this beautiful mountain paradise, waiting for a loving husband to come home from work. Three great sons. Almost 5 grandchildren, wonderful extended family, friends and great church family. Thank you for the suggestion to see life through a child's eyes. Always much clearer!

These past few days I've been listening to music, seeing my son dance up a storm and enjoying the rhythm . So today I decided to let myself go and dance up a storm as well. And I realised how much fun dancing is. When I dance I forget about everything that's wrong with this world and what might go wrong in the future. Dance makes me feel, dance makes me desire, dance inspires me to do greater things. I went to dance classes when I was at school. Got four gold medals and passed my exams with flying colors, even when I broke my toe and cocks-ix . I had ambition and in that very moments I got to feel everything at once. You can dance when your angry, happy, sad, lonely. And somewhere along the line I forgot why I loved dancing. I forgot myself. I lost my will, I lost my ambition. I lost me, but today when I let myself go, it all returned. Dance gets you fired up, makes your soul soar. I believe that dance is a language, it's universal and everyone speaks it. If you can move your hands and feet, arms, legs or shoulders, you can dance. It can unite people, it can conquer fears. I was very shy as everyone know, but when I danced I didn't care, I didn't notice anyone. I just felt the rhythm running thru my body and move to every beat. One thing I do still want to do is dance with someone, that I actually have never done. So I will put it on my list.

I find this world we live in very confusing sometimes. It's so mean and people seem to just make it more so. I was forbidden to watch the news or even read the news paper, because I would go in a rage about what ever happened that day. I'm not very religious, but I am spiritual. I just don't get how this beautiful world turned so bad. Why on earth would anyone want to spill blood just because they can or abuse babies and/or their partners. We judge people by their race, sex, sexual orientation, wealth, religion or just plain by their looks. We start fights because of it, we start wars because of it. This is a new era, a new century, there is no equality between anyone or anything even though we still say everyone is equal. In my country racism flourishes and I just don't know why. I get so boggled sometimes. When I look at very small children (before they are warped by people's opinions and comments), they accept everything and everyone. They don't see color or disability, they don't care what religion you are, whether you're gay or straight or in between, they don't care how much money you have in the bank or where you come from. As long as you are nice to them, they will be nice back.

Where did we loose this great quality?

I've been spring cleaning the house since Saturday and oddly enough it seems I've been spring cleaning my "head" as well.

I've been thinking a lot about my cleft and being just plain old me. I think I have grown these past few months, I've come to except that my cleft is a part of me, but it does not define who I am. I've come to except that if things were different my life wouldn't have turned out as it did. I had really bad times, but I had a lot of awesome times as well. My experiences shaped me into what I am today. I am still discovering a lot about me, I still haven't found my talent just yet. My son is a constant reminder that life changes so quickly, one day you can't walk the next day you're running. I've learned to except that even though I was teased badly when I was a kid, that the bullies were also just kids. Kids are cruel and mean, because deep down they just want to fit in as much as any other kid. Helping the guy that gave me hell at school with his beautiful baby girl, made me realise that he's not the big bad wolf I remember, he's grown into a man that helps people and he's a wonderful father. I had the privilege to be raised by an amazing woman that I will forever hold in my heart, I now have the privilege to raise my own son and hopefully teach him everything that I have learned. And although I don't always want to get out of bed, I know that my life is worth living even though it doesn't always feel that way. I am grateful for everything today, my memories, my experiences, my thoughts and my son. I am grateful that I am able to be here and communicate with people that goes thru the same crap I am, even if it's not related to our clefts. Today I am just grateful

Loved all three of your last posts! You are an amazing woman who knows who she is. Indeed, we must define ourselves and not let anyone else or anything do that for us, or to us. A quote from Eleanor Roosevelt... wife of U.S. President 1933-45. She wrote this in 1937... "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

So, enjoy who you are... and dance!

It's extremely hot here today. I'm grateful for the heat, with the operations I've had, my hips and face hurt a lot during winter and cold days. Mostly because I never listened to the doc when he said I need to stay off my feet for 6 weeks. I never listened, the first hip operation, where they took bone to implant to widen my palate, I was on my feet in 4 days and the second hip operation was for reconstruction of my cheek bones, there it took me 3 days. Now I bear the fruit of pain in winter and cold days. So today is a good day, no pain. I'm quite sure there is a lot of people that can say the same. But the pain a reminder of the battle I went thru, the scars are my war wounds, and I am very proud of them. I survived it. It made me stronger. It made me, me. I've always thought of scars as a good thing, it's evidence of the path that we took, the choices we made. Whether, it's physical scars or emotional ones, it's necessary. Well, my opinion anyway.

Beautifully said, as usual. We live each day with one sort of discomfort or another. It keeps me from becoming complacent! I've always needed reminders!

I watched a movie, called Powder. It's quite old. But so beautiful and sad. It reminded me how cruel and beautiful the world is at the same time, how it can be devastating if you don't fit in, but if you look back on your life, that you will not just have bad memories but good ones too, even great ones. I'm sure that everyone in our "clan" had terrible experiences. Things that happened that made us wish we were not here. But as I look at my other support groups, there are so many people that has gone thru exactly the same thing. They were bullied and tortured emotionally, because they were too thin, too fat, they had to straight hair, to curly, they came from poverty, they had to many freckles, or their one ear lobe was funnily shaped. So I thought that fair enough we the cleft people had bad lives, but so do most people out there. We all (all 6 billion people) have the same basic goals in life . . . to be accepted for who we are, to be loved even though we are not perfect , to have our happy ending. Every single one of us has exactly the same feelings at some or other point of our lives. We all bleed the same color. So maybe we should take a minute and be grateful for actually having what we have. I eat everyday, have a warm bed and clothes. I have a wonderful family and the love of my life, my son, is healthy and smart. I am not rich, or smart or funny or popular, but I am grateful for being part of this wonderful, magical, amazing world of ours. And if I could go back and change my life, I wouldn't change a thing. Not even if I could have chosen not to have a cleft. I am proud to be me!!!

Amen, Kimi! It's important to look at the good things in life! I wouldn't change a thing about my life, either!

Today I can honestly say I'm glad it's Friday. It's been a long week for me, because I started a new job. Luckily I told myself that I'm not going to be shy and insecure, because I know that I'm perfect for this job. And that helped some. It's strange to work again, I haven't had a job in 2 years and now I'm thrown into the deep end, but I'm loving it. I thought to myself today, that I wish I could have had this confidence growing up. Because that would sure have helped a lot. But I guess, that why they say with age comes wisdom. I know I'm not that old, still a baby considering, but I sure have learned a lot. I've learned how to forgive and help, I've learned to accept myself and be happy with being me. Today I am grateful for the ability to perform my job (I'm quite awesome at it, if I do say so myself,lol) and I am grateful that I have this opportunity to better myself and be all I can be.

That is exciting news. Confidence is where it's at!

Wow, I haven't been on here in such a long while. My life I can say is officially heading somewhere. My son is growing more and more into an awesome little man and my job is everything I have always wanted it to be. I finally got a title, Kimi Faber Credit Controller. I know it might be stupid, but I love to have a title, my boss called me his miracle worker, because I cleared almost R3 million that was hanging in 120+days in just one week. I feel for the first time in a long time as if I belong, I am becoming someone that my son can be proud of. I am grateful for this opportunity to be all I can be, a great mom to my beautiful son, great at my job and I'm even sorting out all my personal crap that has been plaguing my life. I can now say that I am here in this amazing, breathtakingly stunning world of ours. I am here to stay, I am here to learn, experience and live life. I want to thank every single person that has touched my life in some way, even if it wasn't always a good way, because if I didn't go thru everything I went thru, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Now I am dancing as if no one is watching!!!

Just inspiring! You are proving your tenacious side! The sweet and tender side has always been there. I love reading your posts. I see growth, and it encourages me also. Children are the most incredible thing, this life has to offer! Our grandchild # 5 came just a few days ago. Life is good. Let's all keep dancing!

Congrats, wow, 5 grand children, you are a very blessed person. Life is better with children in them. I look at my son and I can see the beautiful things in this world. He is almost 2 and a half and he has taught me so much. We had a terrible storm here last night, a furious wind, hail that was as big as my thumb nail a icy cold rain. My son told me that the lightning and thunder Jesus moving around some furniture and switching on the lights in heaven. I was amazed that he wasn't scared, because I'm not particularly fond of thunder and lightning. And he just took my breath away when he said that. He has faith at his very small age and wisdom for knowing that everything will be ok. I know parents are supposed to teach their children, but my son has taught me to see that brighter side of life. When I lost my grandmother, I became lost. Because I didn't know how to exist in a world where she doesn't, I lost my mother, my very best friend and I didn't know what I was going to do. I fell into a depression, my heart was broken and the pieces were aching and my son was the one who pulled me out of that dark dark pit. He is my super hero, my light that guides me, he stole my heart and made it whole. He is my little miracle, my inspiration, my hope. He is the best part of me. And one day he will have kids of his own, and they can remind him if he ever forgets just how precious this awesome life is.