I know I have a whole lot to be thankful for and I know that I'm a very lucky person to have such an awesome son, but today is one of those days where I wish I could just crawl into a hole and never come out. Not quite sure why I feel like this. Maybe it's because everything is getting to me or maybe because I'm selfish. But today I'm just going to put on a sad movie and drink wine and cry. That's my medicine for the soul. My gran always said that crying cleanses the soul.

Being thankful, does not insulate us from feeling down. I wish! We have discussed, on this forum, that depression, is something that affects most of us. We all dealt with so much and even though we live our lives, very well, we share pasts that were painful and trying. It is a process... a very long process that we must walk through, one door at a time. There are some good (older) posts that deal with this.
Cheers!

I havn't written something in a long time. It's been an off month for me. But I realised that this feeling I've been having is because I'm waiting for my happy ending, the whole white picked fence thing, but I looked around yesterday, I'm living my happy ending. I have a beautiful house, food every day, a warm bed and the most amazing, wonderful and awesome son in the world. He turned 2 on the 13th of this month. And yesterday he brought me his crayons and counted them, then he told me he has 5 crayons. And I was just extactic, I'm quite sure that all moms think that their son or daughter is a genius, but I haven't heard of a two year old that can count his crayons or put 5 word sentences together.

So I'm living my happy ending, even though it's not quite complete, it's not a bad life.

Sweet, Kim

You have made me smile again. You really have a way with words and you really have an amazing son!
Life is good. :)

You've got a point there BarbieO, life is good, it's fun, confusing, complicated, spontaneously erratic, wonderfully random, amazingly filled with a lot of laughter, tears, cries, screams, moans and groans, beauty, hopes, dreams, smiles and love.

According to the dictionary lifes description is the following:
- The state that follows birth, and precedes death
- The span of time during which an object operates
- The period of time during which an object is recognizable
But the most beautiful dictionary description is:
- A worthwhile existence

The world is filled with a lot of darkness, I never watch the news, because of it. But when I look into my sons eyes, all I can see is hope and love and happiness. He hasn't been tainted by the darkness yet, he hasn't felt loss or purposely makes a decision to hurt someone. He just knows that his mom will always catch him, will always say goodnight, will always say good morning, will always be there no matter what. I wish that we all could stay in that place, but unfortunately we grow up, and learn what life is all about. We harden our shells, shut our minds and even our hearts, and close ourselves down, to a point where we don't feel anything anymore. I realised that, yes it sucks getting hurt or feeling betrayed or be touched by death. But if we don't feel anymore, we are just not human anymore. This unbreakable wall that most of us have, has to come down. It's time that we feel, maybe if we felt more, there would be less sadness. People will realise that it's not nice being hurt or abused or any of the bad things we do to each other, and then maybe, just maybe those people wil decide to stop.

Things I'm grateful for:
- Life
- Love
- Hope
- Dreams
- Laughter

You have some very deep things here which demonstrate deep understanding. We have a new member who is struggling. Can you check it out and see what you can do?

I've already send her a message. Hopefully she will reply. I can't really say that I understand anything or that I can do anything. Speak what is on my mind at that very moment.

You are younger and you are a great communicator :-)

As I was lying in bed last night I was thinking about my school years and how nasty some kids could be. I was bullied, physically and emotionally. But of all the names I had been called, there was one that hurt me the most was

Retard.

It is a cruel and crude word. That gets flung around by people that doesn't even know the real meaning of it. It hurt me so much when people called me that, because that meant that they thought, because of how I looked, that I was mentally retarded.

According to the dictionary it means the following:
- To keep delaying; to continue to hinder; to prevent from progress; to render more slow in progress; to impede

It strange, but in reality that these people that love to bully and make fun on people that looks different, where in fact the actual retards. I can only speak of myself, but a lot of these bullies held me back, I would never try something new or volunteer to do something just in case I give the bullies more ammunition to use against me. They cost me so much of my life. Now that I'm older and wish I could just go back and slap myself and say, you know what, get over it, life gets better. Don't let those bullies determine your life or how you live it. But unfortunately I can't. It strange, but one of those bullies, the worst one of them all, that I still literally hate with my whole being, send me a msg the other day to say he was sorry. He never knew how much he had hurt me. Then he told me he became a dad, to a healthy baby girl and she was born with a cleft lip and palate. And he now fears that if she grows up that there will be another "him" out there that would hurt his beautiful baby girl one day. I told him that it is inevitable that there will be one or even many out there, it will be a long hard road that lies ahead of them. It's going to be unbearably painful sometimes. But he def should make her understand that he will always be there for her, not hide her away, get her counselling should she need it and tell her how to handle these people. Because I am quite sure that if he looks inside himself and ask that what would have made him stop bullying me, he'll find an answer and that alone could give her an advantage, he must prepare her and make sure that she knows all the names that she might be called. I told him not to hold her back, make sure that she knows she can do and be whatever she wants. I actually gave him the definition of retard as well so that he knows that that word was the most inaccurate word to describe me.

It's odd how life turns out sometimes. Here am I giving advice to a guy that I hate, I still can't get over those feelings (I'm working on it). And here is the guy that made my life a living hell saying sorry. One word I never thought I would hear from him.

Things I'm grateful for today:
- Sincere Apologies (even when it's late)
- Being able to rise above hatred
- And the knowledge that I might be able to help a little baby girl

What a gift Kim. What a beautiful opportunity for you. And how brave he was to reach out and say he was sorry. Sometimes it is nothing more than ignorance. And now he has a baby girl that he loves and he will truly understand what he did to you. Your opportunity is to let him go, let go of your rage at him. When we hold on to resentment, it only hurts ourselves. A very beautiful gift indeed, Kim. I am so glad to hear you are working on forgiving him. You will be doing yourself a great service. And you know, you don't have to deny yourself or the hurt he caused you just because you let go of the hate. Honor yourself in the letting go. Peace.

Kim,

What an inspiring story. As I got older, the teasing memories got easier. Asking for forgiveness is a difficult thing. In my experience... believe it or not... forgiving is the easier part. This man will always live with what he did and he will see it in his daughter, every day. Hopefully, he can forgive himself, so he can move on and always be there for his little girl. So many of us did not even have the support of a loving parent, myself included.

You are helping him and his daughter, in ways you never dreamed possible. I share this quote for your consideration: Sometime the things we can't change, end up changing us. ~author unknown

I saw snow for the very first time in my whole life. The last time it snowed here was when my sisters were 8, and they are 36 now. I felt like a little girl again, wishing and hoping it would snow every winter, and now my wish came true. It was so amazingly magical. Like little frozen clouds falling on my nose. My son danced around all excited telling me it's angels. We both felt the warmth of joy, the skip of a heartbeat at this wonderfully mystical moment. I am the same age as my grandmother when she first saw snow as well, 28. Today I felt like I experienced a miracle. This is a very special day. Today I am thankful for LIFE!!!

Today i am thankful for being able to walk in the fresh air, and playing computer games with my wee cousin - he brings me so much joy

Kim and Miller. You have both made smile and perhaps leak a wee tear. There is indeed, so much to be thankful for! Today, I am thankful for air conditioning. It is 106 F 42 C. I could do with a bit of snow! I love that word, "wee". Got to see my wee grandson last week and we played on the beach. I only get to see him a few times a year, so I savored every moment!